Olympic Bass Soloing
The competition is held in a standard club/bar and will begin with a full band playing a nice tune that the
entire crowd digs and is dancing to.
Section 1
The crowd, much to their dismay
, finally realizes and begins to accept the fact that there is a bass solo in progress. If you manage to get through part one with out losing anyone to the bar you win the gold automatically, however no one will do this.
Therefore, you will be scored upon your initial casualties and how quickly they engage in the opportunity to take care of some minor task or go pee.
2 - You must play a quiet and sensitive part to begin your solo.
How long can you hold it before the chatting, phone calls, and drink orders become louder than what you are playing. In the futile, but genuine attempt to offset the embarrassment, you will get rated for your bass face in this portion. The deeper you furrow your brow or appear to be in severe pain, thus 'feeling it' - the better.
Also during this portion the rest of the band will be futzing around, drinking, toweling off, tuning, changing strings, text messaging, and the like ......except the drummer, who will be observed for his level of envy for the others.
3 - the Transition
Assuming you haven't lost the entire crowd to the bar in portion 2 you will gain points for the number of folks who appear to be listening.
During part 3 you can be louder and significantly redeem yourself by playing something that has a groove. You will be signaling to the crowd that the worst is over and that it's going to end sooner rather than later - make the best of it!!
Also the drumer will begin to play more than just the hi hat and may attract a few dancers, or at least some people nodding their heads. You will be falsely credited with their attention, but hey, points are points right?
4 - The Finale
Ok, go for broke here. Almost anything you can do to win them back is fair game. Bonus points for not using any tricks (effects, stripping naked or throwing money) and playing something groovy and danceable. Unfortunately, you will lose many of your hard earned bonus points to the
thumb.
Slapping will be penalized regardless of how good you are. It is the equivalent of a drum solo - something that every crowd likes regardless of the performance. You look cool, you are now too loud, and gyrate about in ways that remind them of the hot lead guitard. Thus, it is unfair to the crowd and is considered witchcraft.
The judges will be expecting the thumb and will score according to how annoying you become.
If you avoid the thumb completely you will take the gold - this has only been done once since the dawn of man, so don't get your hopes up unless you are Willie Weeks.
5 - Crowd response
If anyone does happen to clap, you will gain many points. However, it cannot be pity /guilt clapping - that delayed kind that one reluctantly puts their drink down for and finishes their conversation to while kind of flapping their hands like a sea lion.
You will not get any points for applause from people wearing RUSH T-shirts - Mainly because there won't be any females with them and the committee likes gender variety.
INSTANT DISQUALIFIERS -
Quoting, or even looking like you might attempt to quote anything from Jaco, Victor, or Claypool.
Pulling any dumb guitard antics like windmills, flipping your hair like a chick (unless you are a female) leather pants or sliding on your knees.
Tapping in any way shape or form.
