Bass player offenses/fines

[onlyclave]

Bass player offenses/fines list

Name of offender _____________________________
Date of offense(s) _____ / _____ / _______

Musical offenses

Playing loudly during warm up — $10
Sound-checking amp with funk slapping — $25
Loud cursing after mistake — $10
Playing high and fast after mistake — $20
Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes — $20
Asking for "E" tuning note — $25
Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb — $50
Playing written-out walking line — $50
Failure to play written walking line — $75
Writing note names over ledger-line notes — $50
Writing beat numbers under dotted figures — $50
Playing eighth notes — $5 each
Playing sixteenth notes — $10 each
Playing above 1st octave-immediate dismissal
Dragging fast tempo — $75
Dragging ballad tempo — $100
Blacking out during ballad — $200
Ignoring drummer's tempo — $100
Following drummer's tempo — $250
Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me — $1000

Upright player offenses

Showing up before first downbeat — $25
Playing audibly — $25
Faking changes — $25
Slapping — $150
Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass — $25
Excessive sweating — $25
Pedal point double-stops during horn solo — $50
Asking leader for a solo — $30
Accepting solo when offered — $50
Taking second chorus — $100
Playing solo arco — $400
Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune — $25
Playing "A Train" ending on every tune — $200
Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune — $500

Electric player offenses

Checking hair between tunes — $15
Experimenting with odd meters — $25
Missing root at end of blistering fill — $25
Playing with a pick — $50
Tuning during ballad — $30
Playing Jaco groove on samba — $75
Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad — $150
Attempting last word on final chord — $50
Achieving last word on final chord — $100
Long gliss down to final note — $200

Equipment violations—electric

Forgetting strap — $10
Changing strings after every set — $15
Using electric tuner — $15
Setting up mic "just in case" — $75
Forgetting to turn amp on — $40
Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip — $50
Asking horn player for help moving amp — $25
Bringing custom-made bass — $100 per string above 4
Bringing more than 1 bass — $100 per extra bass
Skull decals on bass — $150
Bringing fretless bass — $500

Criminal bad taste

Telling bone player about all the gigs you get — $10
Asking bone player about their day gig — $10
Sitting behind drums on break — $10
Quoting "Birdland" — $25
Practicing scales during break — $25
Practicing scales during drum solo — $50
Practicing — $150
Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player" — $50
Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are
"into
sequencing" — $100

Basic stupidity

Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt — $10
Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt — $20
Asking when the rock set starts — $20
Continually asking "where are we?" — $25
Continually shouting "Yeah!" — $25
Asking bone player where "1" is — $50
Taking cellphone call during 4's — $100

[Fool]

LOL!

[Munjibunga]

We haven't seen that in a while. One night, I ended up owing $8,000 just for the single offense of long glissando down to final note.

[Fassa Albrecht]

I'm guilty of most of the stuff on that list....

[LilMissStrange]

Wow, I got off easy...$340!

[MadMan118]

$1755
Not counting the 16'th and 8'th notes
id be in the millions.

[standupright]

oh god....that's priceless

[MazeMouse]

If I'd only count the 8th's and 16th's I'd go into a debt which would make iceland seem like the richest country in the world

[quale213]

So every time I brought a fretless I owe $500 and every time I have played an 8th/16th note I owe $5/10????

[StyleOverShow]

Very funny - I don't black out during ballads, just kind of fuzz out so is that less than $200?

[Kraken]

LOL, without the 8th and 16th notes i'm stung for $1720... but none of you know where I am to collect on this, right? right?

[Jehos]

Yeesh, here's my tab from Saturday night's gig, not even totaling up the 8ths and 16ths:

Sound-checking amp with funk slapping — $25
Asking for "E" tuning note — $25
Playing eighth notes — $5 each
Playing sixteenth notes — $10 each
Playing above 1st octave-immediate dismissal
Bringing more than 1 bass — $100 per extra bass
Bringing fretless bass — $500
Attempting last word on final chord — $50
Achieving last word on final chord — $100

$815 and I'm kicked out of the band. Guess it's a good thing I own the PA.

Edit: Thank god stock 6-strings aren't penalized under the "custom bass" rule. Showing up with a 6-string fretted and 6-string fretless would have cost me about a grand.

[Daveelvy]

Aw, man... I just went bankrupt...

[xxDavidxx]

Loud cursing after mistake — $10 (like..100 times?)
Playing high and fast after mistake — $20 (2 or 3 times)
Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes — $20 (lol 5 times or so)
Playing eighth notes — $5 each (sat least 10000 times)
Playing sixteenth notes — $10 each ( at least 5000 times)
Playing above 1st octave-immediate dismissal ( a lot)
Checking hair between tunes — $15 (at least 20 times)
Playing with a pick — $50 (at least 100 times)
Forgetting strap — $10(only once)
Using electric tuner — $15(every day, i wont count that hehe)
Forgetting to turn amp on — $40 (once hehe xD)
Sitting behind drums on break — $10(hehe once)
Practicing scales during break — $25(always, so like 30 times, only counting rehearsals)
Practicing — $150 (LOL)
Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player" — $50 (once)

soo about 107450 dollars

[fretlessman71]

$910, plus dismissal. Dang this hobby is expensive!

[thetawaves]

Name of offender: Chris
Date of offense(s): 25/12/05-present date
Amount owed: around $9000....

Playing loudly during warm up — $10
Sound-checking amp with funk slapping — $25
Loud cursing after mistake — $10
Playing high and fast after mistake — $20 "make a mistake and turn it into a fill" best advise ever
Asking for "E" tuning note — $25
Playing written-out walking line — $50 (Bugsy Malone in a school band...oh dear)
Failure to play written walking line — $75 (I got bored on the 3rd night)
Writing note names over ledger-line notes — $50
Playing eighth notes — $5 each (i used to be in a metal band damnit!)
Playing sixteenth notes — $10 each (....I see what you did there)
Following drummer's tempo — $250
Checking hair between tunes — $15
Experimenting with odd meters — $25
Missing root at end of blistering fill — $25
Playing with a pick — $50
Attempting last word on final chord — $50
Achieving last word on final chord — $100
Long gliss down to final note — $200
Using electric tuner — $15
Forgetting to turn amp on — $40
Sitting behind drums on break — $10
Practicing — $150
Asking when the rock set starts — $20
Continually asking "where are we?" — $25
Continually shouting "Yeah!" — $25

[mjolnir]

Average gig - $2285 in fines. Awesome.