I've been reading all of the "Worst Comments" and "Stereotypes" threads, and all that humor(?) inspired me to write this little piece:
The Bass Player Song intro: walking bluesy bass line, build volume/pace/intensity over first 12 bars; then full band in rock mode
We were playin' a gig at a dive called "The Pig"; it was smoky and hot as could be.
I'd been walkin' my bass at a furious pace when some joker strolled over to me.
He said: "You don't move much, just a two-finger touch: you've only got four strings, I see.
So I guess you're no star, or you'd play a guitar, and could jam with the
real melody.
If I just played one note, then I think I could cope with any old song easily."
I just made a face as I held out my bass and said "Okay, play 'Donna Lee'."
He only looked puzzled; I leaned back and guzzled another Budweiser or three.
The bass is my passion, but it ain't the fashion with groupies and chicks at the bar.
They all think I'm lazy, or maybe just crazy, 'cause I don't play some six-string guitar.
But their asses won't jump if they don't hear the thump, and the rhythm won't go very far.
And then there's the drummer, who thinks it's a bummer when I don't just match him bar for bar.
Thinks that my syncopation is just masturbation, and my grace notes are way under par.
Says to match with the kick, and don't be a dick, says I don't need to be so bizzare.
Says to just keep my place: that it's "only the bass" and to stay well below the radar.
But Duck Dunn's groovin' runs made me want to play;
And Paul Mac's soaring tracks helped show me the way.
Stanley Clarke lays down the funk, and Jaco learned to fly.
I guess I'll be a bass player 'til the day I die.
Our guitard said "Turn down!", so we had a go-round 'cause my amp it was not even on.
The sound man said "Well, I can just run you D.I., and you leave those pedals alone."
Yet I keep 'em hoppin' with slappin' and poppin', (It sounds so damn' good on my Zõn.)
But if I'm too funky, they think I'm a junkie, and ask if I'm smokin' the lawn.
They told me to "Just stand. The keyboardist's left hand can do your whole job on it's own."
When I first got started, my poor bass just farted "cause it came from the House of Pawn.
So now I'm an expert. That's why I wear this shirt; says "Just pound the root and go home."
Still Chris Squire's pick's on fire keepin' Yes on time.
And Jack Bruce gettin' loose makin' his notes chime.
Michael Manring's cutting edge; Phil Lesh could jam while high.
I guess I'll be a bass player 'til the day I die.
Spoken during fade-out: "Well, it's bigger, it's longer, and it goes waaay deeper. What else do ya wanna know?"
I'm working on the chord structure next…
The Bass Player Song 
