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10-13-2011, 09:47 AM
| | | | Best bassist jokes
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I'm sure this is an old thread but I haven't found it... Who has some good jokes about bassists? Because sometime a laugh at our own expense is still a good one!
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10-13-2011, 09:51 AM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: Fairfax, VA | | | An anthropologist and his assistant were researching a small tribe on a remote South Pacific island and noticed a constant drumbeat coming from a distant mountain. They asked the tribal chief if the constant drumming bothered them.
"Drum beat, good", said the chief. "Drum stops, bad".
"Why? What happens?" asked the anthropoligist.
"Bass solo", the chief replied.
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10-13-2011, 09:54 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Canada! | | | Three Bassists are walking through the woods, and they come across a set of tracks.
The first bassist says "Those are Deer tracks"
The second bassist says "No...those are Bear tracks"
The third bassist says "You're both wrong...I know my tracks, and those are Moose tracks"
...then the train hit them.
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Originally Posted by Muaguana  No ****, Sherlock? And do you have any more Capt. Obvious one-liners to share that contribute nothing to the discussion at hand? | |
10-13-2011, 09:56 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Kansas City, MO | | | What do you throw a drowning bassist?
His Amp.
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Originally Posted by Bryan R. Tyler Until I can get my fingers to sound like envelope filters, there's always going to be a reason for effects. | |
10-13-2011, 04:59 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Saint John, NB, Canada | | I know I've posted this before, but.......
What's the difference between a bass player and a mutual fund?
The mutual fund eventually matures and makes money. 
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10-13-2011, 05:19 PM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: Bay Area, CA | | | These have been done before, but I'll put in.
How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None...the keyboard player does it with his left hand.
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10-13-2011, 05:28 PM
|  | Owner/Builder Arizona Bass Company
Endorsing Artist: Circle K Strings | | Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Arizona | | | How do you get a bass player off your front poarch?
Pay him for the pizza. LOL |
10-13-2011, 05:32 PM
| | | Quote:
Originally Posted by Syco_bass How do you get a bass player off your front poarch?
Pay him for the pizza. LOL | lmao. I like that one!
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10-13-2011, 05:44 PM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Central Ohio | | | Another oldie:
What do you call a bass player without a girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other?
Homeless.
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Originally Posted by Febs There is no apostophe in "grammar nazis." |
Last edited by fourfinger : 10-13-2011 at 05:48 PM.
Reason: apolitical correctness...
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10-13-2011, 05:52 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: Bay Area, CA | | | ^ Those last two I heard as drummer jokes, since they are more know for being ne'er do wells.
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10-13-2011, 06:00 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Nashville, TN | | | How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
1...4...5...1...4...5 |
10-13-2011, 06:28 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Erie, PA | | | What did the bassist get on his IQ test?
Drool |
10-13-2011, 06:33 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: perth | | | how many metal bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
5. 1 to change it and 4 to stop the guitarist hogging all the light.
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10-13-2011, 06:37 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Hollywood, Los Angeles CA | | Quote:
Originally Posted by thorplaysbass How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
1...4...5...1...4...5 | Maybe even "1... minor 3...5"
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10-13-2011, 06:43 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Canada! | | | How many Bassists does it take to change a light bulb?
182,669
1 to do it.....and 182,668 to sit around and discuss how Victor would have done it.
TalkBass.Com!
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Originally Posted by Muaguana No ****, Sherlock? And do you have any more Capt. Obvious one-liners to share that contribute nothing to the discussion at hand? | |
10-13-2011, 06:48 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Missouri | | | How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question, a bassist will try and reuse the same lightbulb, but first he will try boiling it to get some more brightness out of it.
(for the youngsters, this refers to the practice of boiling dead strings. something a lot of us old timers would do when we couldn't afford new strings. It actually worked to a point.) |
10-13-2011, 06:49 PM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Portland | | | How do you get two bassists to play in tune? Shoot one.
What's the difference between a pizza and a bass player? A pizza can feed a family of four.
How do you tell if the stage is level? The bass player is drooling out both sides of his mouth.
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Originally Posted by Count Bassie We all have the occasional fond thought of you too, Moose... | Looking for a job in audio/staging ect. in Portland. PM me for my resume.
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10-13-2011, 06:51 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Alexandria, Virginia | | | A bassist walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve your kind around here."
Bassist replies, "That was mighty low."
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10-13-2011, 06:52 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Anasleim, CA | | | How many country-western bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
1 - 5 - 1 - 5 - 1 - 5 |
10-13-2011, 07:12 PM
|  | that video LIES | | Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Northern California | | Quote:
Originally Posted by thorplaysbass How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
1...4...5...1...4...5 | Win, because you can't very well use it as a drummer/guitarist/______ joke. 
On topic/semi-bass specific: Did you hear about the bass player who was so depressed over his bad timing that he threw himself behind a train? 
Edit: Also elgecko's above.
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