CHURCH GIGS FROM HELL STORIES

LedBelli Bass · #1 03-16-2009, 11:23 AM

Welcome! This thread is for all you Sunday morn/Wed eve bass players! Confess your sins or those of other muzikians here! If you ever thot you wanted to help the pastor or worship leader accelerate their just reward, here's the place to tell!

Demon_Hunter · #2 03-16-2009, 11:32 AM

What is that high pitched sound?!?!

LedBelli Bass · #3 03-16-2009, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demon_Hunter

What is that high pitched sound?!?!

I know . . .

3506string · #4 03-16-2009, 03:36 PM

Once had a 50th Pastor and wife appreciation. We had a pretty elaborate fanfare planned for the entrance of the family and guest. So we had some extra equipment plugged into the musicians section that isn't usually there (spotlights for the camera, Camera, and an extra keyboardist and amp) not to include the Hammond organ, 2 QSC RMX850's, my EP2500 and preamp, The roland keybaord and roland Amp.) So about a minute in when the flag girls were coming in we hit a hard break in the music and everything shut down. Lights, amps, PA and all. On top of that there are like 5 or 6 breaker boxes scattered throughout the church so It took a good 15min to get the power back.

LedBelli Bass · #5 03-16-2009, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3506string

Once had a 50th Pastor and wife appreciation. We had a pretty elaborate fanfare planned for the entrance of the family and guest. So we had some extra equipment plugged into the musicians section that isn't usually there (spotlights for the camera, Camera, and an extra keyboardist and amp) not to include the Hammond organ, 2 QSC RMX850's, my EP2500 and preamp, The roland keybaord and roland Amp.) So about a minute in when the flag girls were coming in we hit a hard break in the music and everything shut down. Lights, amps, PA and all. On top of that there are like 5 or 6 breaker boxes scattered throughout the church so It took a good 15min to get the power back.

Flag girls?! What are flag girls? Like groupies???

3506string · #6 03-16-2009, 04:38 PM

No they were young like flag twirlers like ballet type stuff.

capnsandwich · #7 03-16-2009, 04:49 PM

We have stories like these almost every Sunday. I know this past Sunday was a rough one because we have a drummer that's usually a percussionist and likes to beat every little bell and whistle while playing and he NEVER likes hitting the snare. He's always bringing little toys from home and adding them to the kit. We were playing a rather upbeat song and it was totally dragging because instead of hitting the snare he would hit a wooded block instead. I'm always knocking on his plexiglass window motioning to him to pick it up but he just doesn't get it. Then I have people in the audience come up to me while I'm playing and start talking to me, asking me questions and sometimes stepping on my cables. It's fun and I learn a lot about how to tackle real world gig problems right here in my own home church. Every Sunday is a new adventure.

gbsmith71 · #8 03-16-2009, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Then I have people in the audience come up to me while I'm playing and start talking to me, asking me questions and sometimes stepping on my cables.

Maybe you should put a copy of your avatar on the back of your music stand. That should keep them away.

Timlr · #9 03-16-2009, 04:56 PM

Drum shields falling... a common one. Or at least it's happened twice to the drummer while I've been playing. It falls and just slowly starts stripping the drummer of his available options... First the overheads, then the high tom, then it slides over to hit the floor tom and he's left with a kick, hats, and a snare. Painful to watch it tear our sound away but we usually get through it with the essentials.

capnsandwich · #10 03-16-2009, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gbsmith71

Maybe you should put a copy of your avatar on the back of your music stand. That should keep them away.

It doesn't work, I've tried.

LedBelli Bass · #11 03-16-2009, 06:39 PM

dirt . . . where's the dirt!?

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3506string

No they were young like flag twirlers like ballet type stuff.

HUH?! you mean like whirly twirly flag girls in a marching band?!

Gawd, no wonder nobody takes church and church musicians seriously . . .

Moving on!! --

Question: what good is a drummer who doesn't know the difference between a 3/4 and a 6/8 rhythm? (And worse, doesn't care . . . )

Answer:

Stinsok · #12 03-16-2009, 06:48 PM

I once sealed the inside of a bass cabinet with automobile undercoating. It had been several days since I sprayed it, so I figured it was good to go--- so I brought it to church. A few moments into the service my eyes started watering (as did everyone withing 20 feet.) The smell was awful.

TimWilson · #13 03-16-2009, 06:57 PM

Our music director chooses all the music for every service a week in advance and sends out the sheets to everyone. Works great: Gives those of us who don't sight-read very well enough time to practice the music in advance...

BUT the music we play for the closing/invitation is NEVER chosen in advance. He lets the Spirit lead him (literally) and just begins to play. He expects us to fall in with the music as though we knew what we were playing. And a FEW of the musicians DO know, only because they've played there for many years. But I'm in my third month there, and I've yet to play the same piece of music twice. I have a pretty good ear, and I usually find the changes within a verse and chorus, but for those first ones, I have to mute the DI send and play REEEAAL quietly while I learn the song FAST! Good training, I guess, but a little harrowing!

LedBelli Bass · #14 03-16-2009, 07:16 PM

Would that be Tim Wilson of "Church League Softball - Fistfight" fame?

Lizooki · #15 03-16-2009, 07:37 PM

Our music director is the piano player. She is a wonderful pianist who learned to play by ear.
The problem is ... she has learned a lot of stuff from listening to her off-key, very loud, flat, squalling grandmother sing it to her. I gave up on reading what we play....I get her to give me a chord sheet of how she plays it.
New songs ..... she looks over her shoulder and tells us what key.
So we just jump in and hang on!

I am gaining the ability to play under adverse conditions tho'.....
We fellowship between the last congregational and preaching.......we are on the floor level. We get people talking to us, shaking our hands, etc.

But no flag girls

And I love it.

Matt

LedBelli Bass · #16 03-16-2009, 07:38 PM

sigh*

Fassa Albrecht · #17 03-16-2009, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimWilson

Our music director chooses all the music for every service a week in advance and sends out the sheets to everyone. Works great: Gives those of us who don't sight-read very well enough time to practice the music in advance...

BUT the music we play for the closing/invitation is NEVER chosen in advance. He lets the Spirit lead him (literally) and just begins to play. He expects us to fall in with the music as though we knew what we were playing. And a FEW of the musicians DO know, only because they've played there for many years. But I'm in my third month there, and I've yet to play the same piece of music twice. I have a pretty good ear, and I usually find the changes within a verse and chorus, but for those first ones, I have to mute the DI send and play REEEAAL quietly while I learn the song FAST! Good training, I guess, but a little harrowing!

This is something I wish my own church would do. When I was playing properly, we just turned up on the morning we were meant to play and sight-read the full lot.

Guess what? I'd never had to sight-read before and so I was thrown in the DEEP end! I just had to play based on what I'd been given. Urrgghhh.....horrible.

Same as you also on the never playing the same song twice thing- I know a guy in my church who's played for 10 years and there's still songs he doesn't know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stinsok

I once sealed the inside of a bass cabinet with automobile undercoating. It had been several days since I sprayed it, so I figured it was good to go--- so I brought it to church. A few moments into the service my eyes started watering (as did everyone withing 20 feet.) The smell was awful.

Oh dear....at least it wasn't in a tiny practice room.

capnsandwich · #18 03-16-2009, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LedBelli Bass

For about 6 months now, I've noticed the woman who runs the Sunday School side stealing lots of looks my way.

You know the looks . . .

Yesterday was the most obvious.

And she was sitting with himself . . .

We've never actually met (big mega-type church).

What should I do?

Sitting with Himself??? So the chick's a dude? If that's the case then go to another church.

LedBelli Bass · #19 03-16-2009, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capnsandwich

Sitting with Himself??? So the chick's a dude? If that's the case then go to another church.

sittin with her hus . . .

capnsandwich · #20 03-16-2009, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LedBelli Bass

sittin with her hus . . .

I don't mess with other guy's girls, married or unmarried, that's wrong IMO. I especially wouldn't do it in the church, as she shouldn't but you have no control over her motives. I would just ignore the entire situation and steer clear of her as much as possible. Hopefully her infatuation will blow over and she'll forget about her thoughts for you.