does your wife come to every show and you end up with no money?

sadworld · #1 05-25-2009, 04:54 PM

i'm at my wits end. yes, i do it for fun. playing in my cover band. but i also need to make money. the wife feels the need to come to every show and after child care for 2 nites and her drinks, it's barely worth it. financially i mean. i have my own overhead costs as well but its usually just gas money since i live way out. this is driving me nuts and she don't care. yes she knows i feel this way. anyone else have this problem? should i ignore it and play on? just venting a little before she drives me to quit...

NJL · #2 05-25-2009, 04:58 PM

what did she say when you brought this up to her?

Hector_G · #3 05-25-2009, 04:59 PM

I would just tell my girlfriend that I'm cheating on her and I'll be home later rather than tell her I'm playing a show.

That worked for a while.

sadworld · #4 05-25-2009, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJL

what did she say when you brought this up to her?

"i wanna go out and have fun too"

i usually follow this up with the fact that she should come out occasionally so i can bring home the bacon $$$ or i have no problem staying home on nites were off from the band if she wants to go out.... she never does. only when we play. its when she goes out both nites (which is usually) that really hurt$

Stingray_EB · #5 05-25-2009, 06:37 PM

I have been in this position with my girlfriend. Her coming always led to going for drinks or a meal after the gig. I had to lie. Very easy to do, all I did was explain to her that the other guys in the band were starting to dislike the fact I couldnt hang around with them after a gig or that they didnt want me distracted by my girlfriend whilst setting up and packing up.

She took it well and understood.

millsbass5 · #6 05-25-2009, 06:41 PM

Drinks DO run into a little money.Sneak her in a pint of liquor.That's a start.I'll come back with an idea for the kids.....

aquamentus · #7 05-25-2009, 06:44 PM

When I was playing out (not every weekend mind you) my wife could never go. We can never find a decent babysitter.

two fingers · #8 05-25-2009, 06:46 PM

Dude. I've been around the block a few times. She doesn't trust you. That's the ONLY reason she goes to every show. Even if your band is GREAT....NOBODY really wants to see the same band 400 times. She's not telling the truth. She simply doesn't trust you. End of story.

millsbass5 · #9 05-25-2009, 06:49 PM

OK,I have an idea for the kids.They could be your opening act.Kinda like this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVgaRz5TBCQ

H2ODog · #10 05-25-2009, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by two fingers

Dude. I've been around the block a few times. She doesn't trust you. That's the ONLY reason she goes to every show. Even if your band is GREAT....NOBODY really wants to see the same band 400 times. She's not telling the truth. She simply doesn't trust you. End of story.

I think you nailed it my friend!

Wesley R · #11 05-25-2009, 07:02 PM

used to come to all the gigd. It was a financialy ruining position. It cost way more than he made.
Eventually yhough, she would only show once a month or so. Much more do-able, and we had been getting more oare coinage.
Maybe get her something to do, sell T Sshirts, mix the live tape or something.

Honk'n_down-low · #12 05-25-2009, 07:04 PM

Think about your children - if you are both gone and not making money - is it worth it? The time with your children you will never get back.

If you are doing it for fun then you obviously don't need to do this. Not telling you to Stop - someone has to focus on the kids and if she is not going to let you play - then you both should probably stay home and be Parents. IMO that is

rezin · #13 05-25-2009, 10:02 PM

tell her that her presence makes the groupies feel self conscious, and self conscious groupies aren't good for anyone

NJL · #14 05-25-2009, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by two fingers

Dude. I've been around the block a few times. She doesn't trust you. That's the ONLY reason she goes to every show. Even if your band is GREAT....NOBODY really wants to see the same band 400 times. She's not telling the truth. She simply doesn't trust you. End of story.

unfortunately, i'm going have to agree

XavidmanX · #15 05-25-2009, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by two fingers

Dude. I've been around the block a few times. She doesn't trust you. That's the ONLY reason she goes to every show. Even if your band is GREAT....NOBODY really wants to see the same band 400 times. She's not telling the truth. She simply doesn't trust you. End of story.

+1. Could be.

Or...

Maybe she just has always longed to be a groupie of sorts. Either way, there might be something down deeper that's bothering her. She might just think that it's unfair that she has to stay home with the kids while you go out and have fun.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Honk'n_down-low

Think about your children - if you are both gone and not making money - is it worth it? The time with your children you will never get back.

If you are doing it for fun then you obviously don't need to do this. Not telling you to Stop - someone has to focus on the kids and if she is not going to let you play - then you both should probably stay home and be Parents. IMO that is

True. I'm not sure how many nights a week you guys go out, but what about the kids?

bassplayer8953 · #16 05-25-2009, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rezin

tell her that her presence makes the groupies feel self conscious, and self conscious groupies aren't good for anyone

^^^

...especially little Mr Bassman

...LOL!!!!!!

...Seriously, have a chat with your band-mates about the problem. I'm sure they're aware. Establish a band fund. Most bands have them anyway. Tell the wife you're going to devote the next half-dozen gigs to building up the band fund. Then do it. Let the wife know that the band discussed this, took a vote, & majority rules. There will be no income, except gas money, for the next 1/2 dozen (or so) gigs. If she wants to tag along, she'll have to find $$$ elsewhere. (Doesn't sound to me like there's a whole lot of extra $$$ elsewhere)

Bands use band funds for all sorts of things: advertising, t-shirts, recording time, etc. Come up with a plan with the rest of the group. Of course, down the road, plans can change, & the excess is split up among the members...you get my drift? Hopefully, by then she's out of the habit of tagging along to every gig.

BTW, the comments about not trusting you while you are out playing are probably correct. Our ex-singer's girlfriend was like that. Didn't particularly like the rest of the band, didn't particularly like the (mostly metal) music we played, but came to every gig, sat there & waited for him, wanted to leave the second we finished our set. Really bad for band morale, we always felt it was a band vs her thing. Eventually he broke up with her negative self, then we broke it off with him...(musical differences).

XavidmanX · #17 05-25-2009, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassplayer8953

^^^

...especially little Mr Bassman

...LOL!!!!!!

...Seriously, have a chat with your band-mates about the problem. I'm sure they're aware. Establish a band fund. Most bands have them anyway. Tell the wife you're going to devote the next half-dozen gigs to building up the band fund. Then do it. Let the wife know that the band discussed this, took a vote, & majority rules. There will be no income, except gas money, for the next 1/2 dozen (or so) gigs. If she wants to tag along, she'll have to find $$$ elsewhere. (Doesn't sound to me like there's a whole lot of extra $$$ elsewhere)

Bands use band funds for all sorts of things: advertising, t-shirts, recording time, etc. Come up with a plan with the rest of the group. Of course, down the road, plans can change, & the excess is split up among the members...you get my drift? Hopefully, by then she's out of the habit of tagging along to every gig.

BTW, the comments about not trusting you while you are out playing are probably correct. Our ex-singer's girlfriend was like that. Didn't particularly like the rest of the band, didn't particularly like the (mostly metal) music we played, but came to every gig, sat there & waited for him, wanted to leave the second we finished our set. Really bad for band morale, we always felt it was a band vs her thing. Eventually he broke up with her negative self, then we broke it off with him...(musical differences).

Excellent...

Stewthebassman · #18 05-25-2009, 10:35 PM

Does she bring her hot girlfriends?

Chad Michael · #19 05-25-2009, 11:32 PM

With my ex:

If she attended one of our shows, it actually paid better because she paid for my drinx and "wishful other men" paid for her drinx.

NickInMesa · #20 05-25-2009, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by two fingers

Dude. I've been around the block a few times. She doesn't trust you. That's the ONLY reason she goes to every show. Even if your band is GREAT....NOBODY really wants to see the same band 400 times. She's not telling the truth. She simply doesn't trust you. End of story.

That's what came to my mind as well. She thinks you're going to hit on a groupie or something.

She's the controlling type, like 100% of women. Us men have to draw boundaries and it's a trade. Some nights she gets to go out while you stay home with the kids, no questions asked.

Why no questions asked? Because it's a question of trust, and trust is mutual.

Only untrustworthy relationships end with either one or both having fun on the side.

I would bring it up this way.