Drummer BS/rant

Rocks · #1 08-28-2009, 08:30 AM

I've been stewing over some crap our drummer has/is doing and have to vent a bit. The band has only been together a few months and our first gig is coming up next weekend. The drummer constantly tells me "dude, you need to practice more and learn these songs" when in fact it is him that has to ask before every song "who starts this?" He can't remember if he starts the song or the guitarist or if we all start together. He also can't tell the difference from when the guitarist makes a mistake and when I do because he just assumes it was me even though it is normally the guitarist going into a change at the wrong time. Even when the guitarist says it was his mistake the drummer somehow doesn't hear that and still looks at me like I F'd up.

For the most part he is an ok guy and we do get along but I am tired of hearing him always complain about not having any money (he is a crane operator and I'm on disability) he acts like everyone else should pick up the tab for anything needed because he can't afford it. He has even told me "let (guitarist) buy it, he can afford it" And one time he was picking something up for the guitarist and over charged him about $20, then he tells me not to say anything because he can afford it and he needs the money to cover his gas and time. I think if that was the case he should have been up front and told the guitarist exactly what he was paying for before the deal was done.

He is constantly mooching smokes and beers off anyone that has them, even me when he knows I am on a fixed income from disability and he makes far more than I get. Yet somehow he manages to always be talking about how much he drank the night before, bars he hit, etc. Yet he has no money. I need to approach him about all of this but want to do it in a way that doesn't hurt our friendship or cause the band to break up as I do enjoy playing in this three piece and see some potential for regular gigging which would bring in money I really could use. The one problem is he seems to have selective hearing and misses much of what I say, how would you deal with this?

jgroh · #2 08-28-2009, 08:39 AM

Simple, put him in his place by telling him no when he tries to scam something from you, and strongly tell him it wasnt you that messed up and to stop assuming its you. Communication is the only thing to rectify this situation.

MarcusPocus · #3 08-28-2009, 08:44 AM

Get a new drummer. You'll never fix the mooching part.

Are you playing covers? If you are, then become a task master. Demand that the stuff is spot on. If the band agrees to deviate and add your own touch to a part then rehearse it together with the same attention to detail. Record the practice so you have something to point to. When my band works out covers, I make sure to have an iPod hooked up to the PA in the practice room so that when the song falls apart, we can playback, play along or whatever it takes to nail the song.

I still say upgrade the drummer.

robfitz1968 · #4 08-28-2009, 08:50 AM

We had issues with who didnt know the songs, and there is an easy sullution. Play the track, and have each person play along with it one at a time. Wont take long to figure out whos not up to par

robfitz1968 · #5 08-28-2009, 08:51 AM

As far as the mooching, get used to it or find a new drummer. Guys like that only get worse, not better.

Derk_Falsco · #6 08-28-2009, 08:58 AM

Whatever you do, don't let him collect gig money.

stylonpilson · #7 08-28-2009, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rocks

I need to approach him about all of this but want to do it in a way that doesn't hurt our friendship

What you have with this guy is not what I would call friendship.

S.P.

Joe Nerve · #8 08-28-2009, 09:00 AM

To be honest, I think you've only got 3 choices. 3 that will be effective anyhow. Accept the guy the way he is, talk to the other guys about getting a new drummer, or finding a new band. You can talk to him all you want but the same crap will come up and annoy even more as time goes along. You know this as well as I do from past experiences.

The good news is it doesn't sound like it would be all that hard to accept the guys shortcomings. It's really not your business (although I understand the concern) if he's being a dick to other people, and if you're not making mistakes and he has some kind of problem - well then it's his problem and your only is the fact that you let it bother you. It would be easier to change that than stop him from bugging you. The money stuff you'd need to set boundaries for yourself also. Know what you're willing to contribute and let him do whatever he wants. Yeah, I know this sounds a lot simpler than it is when you've got an annoying guy in the mix, but I've been practicing this kind of stuff bigtime life is getting a lot easier for me.

I play with 2 drummers with somewhat similar annoying crap going on, but I am learning to just let the stuff go knowing it's their problem, not mine. And it's getting easier and easier to do. When I'm able to seperate lack of acceptance from their annoying ways I even start to like them a little more. And I'm not saying to be a door mat, just get clear on what really effects me and what's really none of my business.

PaulNYC · #9 08-28-2009, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stylonpilson

What you have with this guy is not what I would call friendship.

S.P.

+1

Rocks · #10 08-28-2009, 09:02 AM

I've been begging to record practices and keep getting told that we'll get around to it. I know if we recorded it we would all see who made mistakes and what we need to work on. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes but I am tired of being blamed for every mistake when I'm not the one making them.

About the mooching, yeah, it is getting very tiring. We played a party at his house (the drummers) the party was his idea and was planned over a month in advance. We didn't even make it through the first set and he was calling through the mic/PA for someone to give him a beer. How could he not have thought in advance to have enough beer for himself on hand? I brought my own beer, in my own cooler and I kept it by my amp. He just seemed to think that since he was the drummer in the band that people should hand over beers for the privilege of hearing him play. Like I said, I'd hate to break up the band over this but enough is enough. Luckily he doesn't try and mooch much for me, but his attitude that the guitarist hould pay for everything because he can afford it makes me sick. After all, the drummer is a crane operator and I'm guessing he makes at least $15/hour if not more. Just because he blows all his money at bars and drinking doesn't mean everyone else should hand over what ever he asks for.

MonkeyBass · #11 08-28-2009, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stylonpilson

What you have with this guy is not what I would call friendship.

S.P.

+1

Rocks · #12 08-28-2009, 09:07 AM

I forgot to add, when we played the party it was recorded and everyone that heard it including the guitarist said the bass was awesome and right in the pocket. But the drummer never once said anything about the bass on the recordings. Yet you could hear him ask "who starts this song?" before almost every song....

wittynamehere · #13 08-28-2009, 09:25 AM

He's a crane operator and he doesn't have any money?? All of the heavy equipment operators I've ever known have been pulling down fat stacks 15/hour+ and that was 10 years ago...

Of course some of them were drinking it away about as fast as they were making it.

I don't have a "band experience" but I have a lot of experience working with guys like this in a regular job setting, I agree with the others that say he's not going to get better, I'd test the waters with the other band members, don't say "we gotta get rid of this guy" just what they think, how they are getting along with him, if they all think of him as some sort of fast friend, you will basically have to deal with him, or find another group unless he wears out his welcome.

kraigo · #14 08-28-2009, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rocks

I forgot to add, when we played the party it was recorded and everyone that heard it including the guitarist said the bass was awesome and right in the pocket. But the drummer never once said anything about the bass on the recordings. Yet you could hear him ask "who starts this song?" before almost every song....

For the love of God! Is it that hard to bring a freakin' notebook to rehearsal? I'm a scatterbrain, but at least I recognize it and find ways to compensate for it.

KO

Rocks · #15 08-28-2009, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kraigo

For the love of God! Is it that hard to bring a freakin' notebook to rehearsal? I'm a scatterbrain, but at least I recognize it and find ways to compensate for it.

KO

The thing is he keeps telling me that I should keep listening to the songs over and over again, yet he is the one that can't remember who starts which song. I practice 2-3 hours a night 5+ nights a week and only practice the songs on our set lists. I know the songs, when I make a mistake it is not because I didn't know my part, its because I got distracted (mostly from boredom playing repetitive songs) Or because I was adjusting something on my amp to dial in the tone a little better.

DeluxeRed · #16 08-28-2009, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rocks

I've been begging to record practices ...

Then RECORD them, for Pete's sake. Digital pocket recorders are cheap and easy to find, or go find an old cassette deck. Learn how to do what you want to do then do it. Who's doing the mooching and begging and whining?

ThunderLizard · #17 08-28-2009, 09:53 AM

Rocks-
This guy isn't going to change. And it doesn't sound like this band will ever do anything but play parties. That doesn't mean you can't/shouldn't continue to play with them.
I'd recommend that you find some other folks to play with. You don't have to drop these guys, just find some new interests. Sounds like you're ready to take on some more projects.

Rocks · #18 08-28-2009, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeluxeRed

Then RECORD them, for Pete's sake. Digital pocket recorders are cheap and easy to find, or go find an old cassette deck. Learn how to do what you want to do then do it. Who's doing the mooching and begging and whining?

Everything goes through the PA even at practice. We have everything we need right there to record without me needing to buy anything. The problem is they will not do it and it is not my stuff for me to start hooking things up. As I mentioned above, we recorded the party, we have what is needed so why do you think I need to go buy things to do what we already have? I have not mooched anything from anyone and the only thing I've begged for is to record practices. Plus, I'm not whining, I'm asking for advice, something I thought a forum like this would be used for. My mistake if asking for advice is not allowed here, sheesh....

coronado3 · #19 08-28-2009, 10:01 AM

Maybe all the drinking is affecting is ability to remember things!

Or maybe......ahhhh....Darn, I forgot what I was going to say.

DeluxeRed · #20 08-28-2009, 10:09 AM

Now you're just making excuses. If it helps to record it, then record it. Stop being dependent. If you can't hook in, the use something that doesn't have to. Maybe all they need is someone to volunteer to actually do it, and run it, and monitor it, and distribute the recordings to the band. Yeah, you're whining about them not doing things for you that you could be doing yourself, then whining about not having the results.

If you want something good, you have to make it good. If the drummer asks who starts it, have the answer or tape it to his snare drum. If he needs to hear the reality of the situation, record it and play it back for him. Stop asking why other people won't do things and start doing some things yourself.