Drummers Fiancé flipped out

Fito Moreno · #1 02-11-2009, 10:19 AM

So I've been playing with this local musician let's just call her KM. She's basically a solo artist and I know her from work. After some time I finally decided, heck I'll give it a shot on Bass. She lost her Bass and Guitar player some time last year. So it's Bass - Me, Drums - Gal and her on Guitar and VOX. We've had so far 3 gigs and I'm still learning the drummers style (don't we all do this?) So last night after the show the Drummers Fiancé comes up to me and starts giving me a mouth full of crap. How I was looking at his girl, how the way I held my bass was sexual (Prince) I play my bass kind of low (old punkster from the 70's) So I politely walking away. Now as I'm packing up my stuff the singer comes up to me and tells me that I should tone it down. TONE what down, the way I hold my bass, the way I communicate on stage with the drummer??? So now I have to hear how this guy has done allot for her and the band (hasn't done crap for me) As I'm leaving this cat is outside, still holding myself together I walk by him and he still wants to talk. I ignore him and put my stuff in the car. I stand there thinking and call him over. This guy is 30, tall Chicago north side cyclist yuppie cappuccino drinking dude. In my most non confrontational way I tell him the old me would have taken his head to the back of my Bass and I explain that I am not interested in his girl. The look of terror in his eyes was enough to tell me he was not looking for trouble so I left. Later on my way home the drummer called me apologizing for his actions. The singer who is a co-worker hasn't called or made any effort in fixing anything. Needles to say I quit the band last night. BTY - 40, Married 15 years and have 4 kids and would not wast or throw it away for anyone else.

So anyone else have the same problem?

gonzorob · #2 02-11-2009, 10:21 AM

People are morons. You cut your losses and moved on. Good on you.

Mike Shevlin · #3 02-11-2009, 10:24 AM

Hey, you showed your fangs a little without actually hurting anyone - good job & let these drama queens find someone else to play bass for them. Just tone it down a little!

chroma601 · #4 02-11-2009, 10:25 AM

I pity the drummer. Nothing like petty jealousy to mess up a relationship.

Lefty Geek · #5 02-11-2009, 10:25 AM

Not quite the same:

I was in a trio with two girls (me-guitar, one girl-vox/bass, other girl-drums). My girlfriend at the time would be very jealous, despite the fact that she was way hotter than any of my band mates. She would get into arguments about me liking the drum when she was drunk, which was pretty much her entire non-working hours.

chicago_mike · #6 02-11-2009, 10:30 AM

Ahh...the chicagoan almost came out! Seriously though, you did the right thing. Forget it ever happened and let her or them come to you, wich most likely will never happen.
I tell ya, i was a bouncer at a club in chicago and got tired of almost throwing people thru the windows.

Fito Moreno · #7 02-11-2009, 10:31 AM

I actually feel bad, we were starting to come around to defining the band sound. Even the last practice the singer made a comment as to how it's funny how I look back at the drummer during parts of the songs to make sure we're on the same page. I asked her if it was wrong and she even said to keep it up. Her last Bass player was very shy and would not even face the crowd. Dude even gave me crap for wishing hem a Happy B-Day from the stage. ***, drummer told me that he is very sensitive and emotional, he believes in speaking his feeling. all I have to say is Coo Coo for Coco Puffs

Dogbertday · #8 02-11-2009, 10:39 AM

Not exactly the same but my girl isn't excited that my new project is most likely going to have a female singer. But if she decides she can't trust me that' a whole 'nother set of problems. From being outside the couple you can't do much except what you did (the right thing btw) but I know that from inside I wouldn't stand for anything close to what happened with you or may happen with me.

txbasschik · #9 02-11-2009, 10:43 AM

Ugh!!! That level of jealousy isn't healthy. You're well-shed of that mess. That guy will try and control that drummer so long as they are together.

In Ye Olde Chik Band, the leader's husband was very, very jealous. He controlled which venues we were allowed to play in. Only in places *he* liked. Because if we tried to play anywhere else (I tried to book us more gigs), he and the leader would have a huge fight over his jealousy and insecurity. He would accuse her of all manner of infidelities she could not possibly have committed...not enough hours in the day!!! Just because a man spoke to her at a show, or complimented the band. She would either cancel the gigs after these fights, or show up looking and feeling a total wreck because of that anal pore she married. Sometimes she had no choice but to show up in tears, because the fight occurred on her way out the door, and made her too late to cancel.

One more contributor to the nasty breakup of that band.

{{{shudder!!!}}}

Cherie

John Wentzien · #10 02-11-2009, 10:54 AM

That band is DOOMED with an insecure "Klingon" like that hangin' around!

flea claypool · #11 02-11-2009, 11:00 AM

i admire you for not hitting anyone talked about sullbhit

lousybassplayer · #12 02-11-2009, 11:10 AM

Somewhat similar, I was at a show and one fo the bands had a female bassist who was considering quitting to do just vocals and they were in the market for a bassist. I took the info, but later was told by her boyfriend that I was not welcomed and they went without a bassist for the remainder of their hallowed carreer (about three weeks). He cited my chatting up his girl as the reason he didn't approve. Funny, becasue the 20 minutes i spent talking to her in my life was getting info about the band. A bad band is like a bad bass. After a while you gotta admit it ain't for you, ditch it and move on.

DaveLS · #13 02-11-2009, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dogbertday

Not exactly the same but my girl isn't excited that my new project is most likely going to have a female singer. But if she decides she can't trust me that' a whole 'nother set of problems. From being outside the couple you can't do much except what you did (the right thing btw) but I know that from inside I wouldn't stand for anything close to what happened with you or may happen with me.

I have a female singer in my band and it doesn't seem to bother my wife....although, she's not too excited that I"m spending this Valentine's Day with my band instead of her.

dangerkirk · #14 02-11-2009, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fito Moreno

he believes in speaking his feeling.

Sounds like he has some issues he needs to take to a psychologist, rather than taking them to a show.

kevbassman · #15 02-11-2009, 11:24 AM

You did the right thing by not getting into anything physical. Allot of these people now adays play ROCKSTAR or GUITARHERO & think they know everything. Years ago our drummer's friend was crtiquing the whole band. Our singer basically said "when you play infront of 20,000 people ...then talk to me about how unprofessional we are." It wasn't a stuck up comment, but just a fact to put this guy in place. And yes, our singer did play in metal gigs in Germany in front of 20,000 + audience. Actually it more like 60,000. Some people need to be put in place.

This also applies to musicians as well. I was playing a gig around 15 years ago, A local guitarist gives our guitar player & me a card stating, "you guys should take lessons from me!". Our guitar player plays cicrles around this guy......and I'm like.."Why would I come to you for bass leasons?" I'm far from the best bass player on the world, but I sure the hell am not the worst either. I've been playing for over 25+ years in two popular bands.

It takes all kinds!

F-em!

txbasschik · #16 02-11-2009, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaveLS

I have a female singer in my band and it doesn't seem to bother my wife....although, she's not too excited that I"m spending this Valentine's Day with my band instead of her.

My hubby and I will have to be apart this Valentine's, too. His 2nd project got a chance to record their originals for free, so they're going. He's not especially cheery about the timing of this thing, either. But, I know he'll be home as soon as he can. Hey, we missed out on our Thai food and live music date for my birthday, too, because I was recording.

Sigh. Oh well.

Cherie

overdrivethree · #17 02-11-2009, 11:44 AM

geez...i always look to the drummer, to lock into the groove. Entwistle did it (so much as he could with Moon), JPJ did it. watch footage of the band Elastica...the bassist (female) spends half her time watching the drummer (male). nothing going on there except a tight groove that made the band sound good.

i like how your singer was playing the loyalty game, especially with a guy who knows nothing about stage chemistry or locking into the rhythm. screw 'em.

**john turner** · #18 02-11-2009, 11:51 AM

awesome read on the whole situation. the look on that dude's face must've been priceless.

good thing on quitting too. if this singer is going to take this toadstool's side against a bandmember, you don't need to be involved with her. let the crappaccino boyfriend play bass.

MatticusMania · #19 02-11-2009, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lefty Geek

Not quite the same:

I was in a trio with two girls (me-guitar, one girl-vox/bass, other girl-drums). My girlfriend at the time would be very jealous, despite the fact that she was way hotter than any of my band mates. She would get into arguments about me liking the drum when she was drunk, which was pretty much her entire non-working hours.

Ha, my ex wife drank all the time too, working hours included... she told me I wasnt allowed to be in a band with girls. The first thing I did when we broke up was join a band with a cute lead singer.

air_leech · #20 02-11-2009, 12:18 PM

I wonder what that drummer girl finds in her a$$hole fiance' guy, he sounds like an insecure jerk holding her back.

I guess the real shocker is the vocalist backing up the drummer's short di*ked boyfriend. dont know what was that for but I can tell you that people like that who cant respect their colleagues end up playing solo.

similar story - I played with a singer/songwriter reharshing at a third guy's appartment (the guitarist). she was quite the cold bossy type but it was kinda nice having someone else at the wheel for change.
on about the third reharshal she invited her b/f and introuced him to us as an acclaimed producer working with some popular local artists (he was in his mid-late twenties like the rest of us).
as we start playing the hotshot producer starts fiddling with my bass amp - turning the knobs and turning the amp towards me, I stopped playing and told him he should inform me before doing that again.

the next day I get an email from that singer telling me I mistreated her b/f, that he is a great and famous producer and that people pay him lots of money to do what he does and we should've thanked him for freeing some time to see us.

later on I found out she appeared in an American Idol style show and got kicked during the auditions because she snapped at their keyoboardist (one of the best session players in the country) for not playing the song correct...