Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest

[Thor]

Continued form here:
Dumb Craig's List Ads pt.4: Dumber and Dumbest

[PipeRain]

Can't pass this guy up....

[Joebarnes]

http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/va...694211770.html

I will show you how to get tail in the music industry (Everywhere)
Alright, Sean What's his face is showing everyone how to make money in the music industry. Here's reality, nobody really expects to make any money in the music industry when they get started. But, what do most teenage guys want when they pick up an instrument? To get laid.

Obviously, there are better ways to get this accomplished and more challenging ways. Use my tried and true program and you'll be beating them off with a stick.

Some key tips that are included in my world famous program are:

1. Pick the right Instrument, dummy.

Sure Lemmy gets more bumper than a body shop, but he's Lemmy. Stay away from the F'n bass. And if you're not hung like Tommy Lee, drums aren't where it's at, either.

2. Play the right genre.

This means hipster music is IN and black metal is OUT. Sure, there are a few chicks in to metal, but the babe to dude ratio is much higher in other genres.

3. Make the decision -- Quantity or Quality.

Lemmy has slept with over 1,000 women. Guaranteed they weren't all Top Shelf. Listen to Fat Girl (thar she blows) by Steel Panther.

And many more key tips if you sign up for my intensive program.

I don't have any fancy credentials to fake, but I guarantee you my program will get you closer to your goal than making money in the music industry. I will teach you all the ins and outs of getting in and out in the music industry.

[Stumbo]

Originally Posted by Joebarnes

http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/va...694211770.html

I will show you how to get tail in the music industry (Everywhere)
Alright, Sean What's his face is showing everyone how to make money in the music industry. Here's reality, nobody really expects to make any money in the music industry when they get started. But, what do most teenage guys want when they pick up an instrument? To get laid.

Obviously, there are better ways to get this accomplished and more challenging ways. Use my tried and true program and you'll be beating them off with a stick.

Some key tips that are included in my world famous program are:

1. Pick the right Instrument, dummy.

Sure Lemmy gets more bumper than a body shop, but he's Lemmy. Stay away from the F'n bass. And if you're not hung like Tommy Lee, drums aren't where it's at, either.

2. Play the right genre.

This means hipster music is IN and black metal is OUT. Sure, there are a few chicks in to metal, but the babe to dude ratio is much higher in other genres.

3. Make the decision -- Quantity or Quality.

Lemmy has slept with over 1,000 women. Guaranteed they weren't all Top Shelf. Listen to Fat Girl (thar she blows) by Steel Panther.

And many more key tips if you sign up for my intensive program.

I don't have any fancy credentials to fake, but I guarantee you my program will get you closer to your goal than making money in the music industry. I will teach you all the ins and outs of getting in and out in the music industry.

Yep....my thoughts exactly....

[basskidd]

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/muc/3670823990.html

Metal bassist with Jazz influences wanted (City)

or vice versa. Must be dedicated, able to play with fingers or a pick, and read charts.




........... "or vice versa" ............

[Holdsg]

I wonder if they play as well as they spell?

Our band Invisible Crossover, Rock Alterntative/Metal Alternative band, is seeking Oppurtunity's/ Gigs / One night plays in or around Moreno Valley-Inland Empire area.
WILL DO CHARITY EVENTS- any oppurtunity would be an honor.

We do have experience doing events, have received callbacks to various places as well, we just would like to broaden our show range.
Please contact James Early , Manager of Invisible Crossover, at the number below. We will send Videos, Music, and photos of current and previous events to show you that we ROCK!!!!

Contact #: 951-243-4692

GIVE US A CHANCE TO BLOW YOUR MINDS AWAY!!!!!!!

Sometimes I think I live in the worst part of the worst part of the worst part of the music world.

[jive1]

This one is a regular poster on CL.

A Singer/Songwriter/Composer is forming a gigantic full size orchestra (DMV and across the world)
Hello, my name is Karmen Alexis Sylvia and I will be forming a gigantic full size orchestra, band and choir along with more than 9,900+ piece musicians and 1,900+ voice singers from throughout DMV area, USA, Canada and International Countries around the globe to become my backup. I am seeking all musicians and all singers. Please give me a call at 202-XXX-XXXX and email me your audition and your performance.

[TNCreature]

There are so many for sale ads with NO important information to base a decision on- you know, like a BRAND NAME!

This guy's ad is typical:

http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/msg/3630644016.html

5 string bass guitar - $260
Plays like new! Looks new! Fresh new strings and hardware! Plus a guitar case included!

So I e-mailed him and asked; "Do you think that listing more information such as the brand name and a picture might help you sell your bass more quickly?"

His response: "Why are you planning on buying one?"
I didn't know that my reason (to play, one would assume) is a factor!

!!!

[VanillaThundah]

Originally Posted by TNCreature

There are so many for sale ads with NO important information to base a decision on- you know, like a BRAND NAME!

This guy's ad is typical:

http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/msg/3630644016.html

5 string bass guitar - $260
Plays like new! Looks new! Fresh new strings and hardware! Plus a guitar case included!

So I e-mailed him and asked; "Do you think that listing more information such as the brand name and a picture might help you sell your bass more quickly?"

His response: "Why are you planning on buying one?"
I didn't know that my reason (to play, one would assume) is a factor!

!!!

He's probably like "Nah, it's some brand nobody has ever heard of with a lame butterfly on the headstock...like Fedora or something, what a stupid name! Why would you name your bass company after a hat?"

[TNCreature]

^^^There is always that hope!
one time I asked the same questions and was told it was a "Berdalini or something"

[TNCreature]

EPIC VOCALIST: I Found my Guitarist! (Voorhees)

http://southjersey.craigslist.org/muc/3700807753.html

Please....for the love of God, guitar players can STOP sending me their mp3 files now. It was a painful 36 hours of time I will never get back. Do any of you even know how to play in time? It sounded like a trail of finger blood was left behind during your recording sessions. Anyway, after sitting through some of the worst picking and writing compositions known to mankind, I finally found my guitar player and we are ready to move forward.
Guitar player extraordinaiire, Bo Naples, formerly of the epic bands Dimebags for Dropouts and Pig Fetus, has decided to put his solo album on hold to join forces with myself. Bo is a great listener and willing to learn what it takes to MAKE IT BIG!
Bo stated, "I am very excited to be taught by such a great leader and contribute to this project. Mr Sheppard is an experienced musician with great ideas. Bill Gates, Ghandi, Jesus, were all great leaders too, but I dont think they were musicians. I could be wrong (Bo chuckles). Mr Sheppard is an accomplished songwriter and amazing vocalist and I look forward to this next year under his leadership and guidance."
I will need a drummer, keyboardist, bassist, and possibly an EPIC violin player to round out this supergroup. I am currently working on a name for the band, which will be professionally branded. The reason behind the branding is due in large part because this music will redefine the music industry, and create an entirely new genre of metal music. This is why I demand EXCELLENCE! Hopefully the picture is becoming more clear for those who doubt this project. LETS MAKE MAGIC!

Serious Inquiries Only!!!!!!!!!




P.S. there are a ton of responses to this guy on CL type in "EPIC VOCALIST"
Some postings are even "better" than this one! And I now think he's serious...unless he's not.

[lwknives]

Originally Posted by TNCreature

EPIC VOCALIST: I Found my Guitarist! (Voorhees)

http://southjersey.craigslist.org/muc/3700807753.html

Please....for the love of God, guitar players can STOP sending me their mp3 files now. It was a painful 36 hours of time I will never get back. Do any of you even know how to play in time? It sounded like a trail of finger blood was left behind during your recording sessions. Anyway, after sitting through some of the worst picking and writing compositions known to mankind, I finally found my guitar player and we are ready to move forward.
Guitar player extraordinaiire, Bo Naples, formerly of the epic bands Dimebags for Dropouts and Pig Fetus, has decided to put his solo album on hold to join forces with myself. Bo is a great listener and willing to learn what it takes to MAKE IT BIG!
Bo stated, "I am very excited to be taught by such a great leader and contribute to this project. Mr Sheppard is an experienced musician with great ideas. Bill Gates, Ghandi, Jesus, were all great leaders too, but I dont think they were musicians. I could be wrong (Bo chuckles). Mr Sheppard is an accomplished songwriter and amazing vocalist and I look forward to this next year under his leadership and guidance."
I will need a drummer, keyboardist, bassist, and possibly an EPIC violin player to round out this supergroup. I am currently working on a name for the band, which will be professionally branded. The reason behind the branding is due in large part because this music will redefine the music industry, and create an entirely new genre of metal music. This is why I demand EXCELLENCE! Hopefully the picture is becoming more clear for those who doubt this project. LETS MAKE MAGIC!

Serious Inquiries Only!!!!!!!!!


P.S. there are a ton of responses to this guy on CL type in "EPIC VOCALIST"
Some postings are even "better" than this one! And I now think he's serious...unless he's not.

Good to know somebody is working on that. Metal needs more genres.

[TNCreature]

SINGER AVAILABLE TO SING 15 OR SO CLASSIC ROCK SONGS FOR YOUR BAND (NNJ)

I AM A 46 YEAR OLD MALE WHO CAN SING VERY WELL
[AND GOOD] I HAVE A LIST OF ABOUT 10 TO 15 CLASSIC ROCK SONGS THAT WILL GET THE CROWD UP AND SINGING ALONG

I DONT HAVE TIME TO BE IN A BAND AND REHERSE
YOU HAVE A GIG AND YOUR BAND NEEDS A SHOT IN THE ARM ?

I CAN HELP OUT
IM NOT LOOKING FOR A LOT OF MONEY,
WHAT IM LOOKING FOR IS TO SHOW UP AT A SPECIFIC TIME,PERFORM IN FRONT OF A CROWD ON A SAT NITE FOR AN HOUR OR SO, AND LEAVE.... I DONT TAKE MYSELF TOO SERIOUS, I JUST LIKE TO PERFORM AND HAVE FUN


IF I CAN WALK AWAY WITH 40 BUCKS ER SUMTHIN THAT WOULD BE NICE
AGAIN,I'M A HIRED GUN SO TO SPEAK. I KNOW THESE SONGS AND CAN WORK A CROWD

SONGS WITH X'S ARE A MUST FOR ME {I GET THE BEST CROWD RESPONSE FROM THOSE]


JJ FLASH Stones/J.Winte
PARANOID Sabbath
ROADHOUSE Doors
SWEET EMOTION Aerosmith
HEARTBREAKER Zeppeli
LIVIN LOVIN MAUD
WAR PIGS Sabbath
ALL RIGHT NOW Free
CAN'T GET ENOUGH Bad Co.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME Skynard
X U SHOOK ME AC DC {KEY OF E}.
X DREAMS Fleetwood Mac
X HARD 2 HANDLE Black Crows
X BOBBY MCGEE Joplin
X PIECE O MY HEART Joplin
X GIMMIE THREE STEPS Molly Hatchet
X MAGGIE MAY Rod Stewart
x DIRTY DEEDS AC DC
x EVENFLOW Pearl Jam
x HIGHWAY TO HELL AC DC
x WALK THIS WAY Aerosmith

THANKS FOR LOOKIN
EITHER WAY HAVE A GOOD ONE

ALSO ANY DOORS
SABBATH
OZZY
LED ZEPPELIN
LYNARD SKYNARD
TRIBUTE BANDS NEED A FILL IN
I KNOW ALL THOSE BANDS SONGS
AND AEROSMITH
AND VAN HALEN

[landau roof]

Just like it left the factory.

Custom Fender Squire Fretless Jazz Bass Modified with Bartolinis

This bass has been modified to play really well with custom thumb rails, Bartolini Jazz Bass pickups, and Sadowsky strings. The Squire logo has been sanded down professionally. I have the original pickguard and pickups, I'll even throw in the Fender gig bag.
In like new condition. Get that Jaco sound. I need to sell ASAP. This bass goes for $399 new with stock pickups. The Bartolini pickups alone go for $120. Selling for $375 obo.
Here is the fender link http://www.fender.com/products/searc...tno=0326702521
Call and or text 6179557359. I will meet anywhere in the LA area.

[rockchalkbass]

Originally Posted by landau roof

Just like it left the factory.

Custom Fender Squire Fretless Jazz Bass Modified with Bartolinis

1/2 frettless? And did he paint a maple board black to look like ebony and it is just wearing off?

[TNCreature]

http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/muc/3645604279.html

Starting a band - preferably men aged 25-35 (Chester County)



It's time to take our shot, and get beyond our current spot, not just impress girls that are hot, but surge beyond our current spot. It's make or break; our lives are at stake. This soulful vocalist and lyricist versed in music theory (flats follow in the key progression of BEADGCF and reversed FCGDAEB for keys with sharps, e.g.) who also plays trombone is looking to start a band or connect with a band already in progression, consisting only of guys, preferably aged roughly 25-35. Old enough to be disciplined, young enough to still have enough calculated faith to try to make it in the music industry in this economy. I would like to avoid Fleetwood Mac drama, that's why no female heterosexual members, and I already have a girlfriend and don't want the temptation, to be honest. That stuff breaks up FAR more bands than creates the fodder for successful albums such as Rumours; I don't want to roll the dice on that one. I could deal with one gay member, but its first come first serve on that one, one and done - still want to avoid sexual drama wherever possible. Or a without a doubt absolute lesbian, that would be acceptable. I sing best rock with a soul or blues tinge, such as Led Zeppelin (my favorite band) or the Black Keys, and can also make the ladies swoon when singing straight up soul or R&B. I also do like Jazz, some country, and funk. I can sing a mean "My Girl" by the Temptations and even Roberta Flacks "Killing me softly", substituting female pronouns for the male. But I am most impressive on songs like the Black Keys "Tighten Up" or "Little Black Submarines" or Led Zeps bluesy songs, although my register is lower than Robert Plant's. I am in the process of writing some songs. I am flexible with band format, but hypothetically would prefer 2 guitarists, a bassist, a keyboardist, and a drummer to get enough variety and depth of sound. Backing vocalists along with the instrumental skill would be preferred but not absolutely necessary. Let's jam and see what happens!

Location: Chester County

[TNCreature]

Classic Wrock, Bloos Band looking

http://cnj.craigslist.org/muc/3683831192.html

Aging, balding, greying fossil drummer who enjoys wandering around a stage playing 'classic rock and blues' for my three drunk friends who I call my 'following". If you fit this description, please email me at my nursing home address. One must is that you are required to practice and gig in white socks and sandals . Only those with AARP memberships need apply . Thank you.

[basskidd]

^^^ I'm not gonna lie, that sounds like one helluva way to spend your retirement years.

[DeadGoonz]

Originally Posted by dtripoli

bass player for classic rock cover band with gig,s (torrance)

Craigslist Los Angeles

(Is it just me or do you also predict a problem before note one is even played?)

Oh My! I think we just discovered the best drum set for Metal.

[bobunit]

Batter operated...

http://boise.craigslist.org/msg/3709203160.html


This is a Squire P-Bass from the early 2000's. From my understanding they do not make P-Bass's anymore. I stripped the bass down and refinished the top natural wood while leaving the sides and back black. It looks pretty cool IMO. It could use a new pick guard and needs new knobs.


I replaced the pick-ups with active EMG pickups. These things are awesome and cost over $200 themselves! You'll notice the battery taped to the back. Active pickups are battery operated, and the batter won't fit inside the bass.


Amp is a 25w (I think) Fender amp.

Includes cable!

$200

Only trades considered: A welder or vintage motorcycle parts/riding gear