Dumb Craig's List Ads pt.4: Dumber and Dumbest

[Winoman]

Here's one all you bass players who also play drums, should jump on:

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/m...486922690.html

Let us know what happens!

[linden]

I'm living in Hong Kong now and saw this one today. Very strange - not sure how much is language barrier and how much is strangeness...

http://hongkong.craigslist.hk/muc/3477345200.html

[robass]

When I started reading this, I thought "young teen", I'll give him a pass for spelling it "base". But then when he says he's 40...

http://slo.craigslist.org/msg/3474577070.html

[rtav]

Originally Posted by LothrtheTerribl

Hello, I am Uber Mensch. Read Nietzsche and you'll know what it means.

My experience has taught me that people who quote Nietzsche either:

A. Have never actually read Nietzsche but know that he was a "rebel" and have Googled a few of his quotes.

or

B. Have read some of his works, absolutely don't get them, but pick out a couple of bits and pieces that they think sound cool.

Kevin Kline's character in "A Fish Called Wanda" is the perfect personification of this special brand of douche nozzle.

Either this ad is indeed sharp satire, or it is the equivalent of a drunk girl standing on a chair in the middle of the room flashing her cans essentially screaming, "Hey, everybody, look at me!!!"

+1

[amimbari]

like many people I scan the musician area of CL at least once a day. I take it one step farther and print out pretty much every one of the whacky ads. It is always fun to look thru the dumb-**** years later and find out that so-and-so is now in one of those whacky bands.

Same for ads for selling guitars, etc.... just some of the strange stuff people say to have people email them is too priceless to let slip away and be gone forever.

[Cody Stanley]

Originally Posted by linden

I'm living in Hong Kong now and saw this one today. Very strange - not sure how much is language barrier and how much is strangeness...

http://hongkong.craigslist.hk/muc/3477345200.html

[My name is Mudd]

That has to be a badly-translated ad, if it isn't a joke to begin with...a Jesus-shaped bassist?

[AuntieBeeb]

Originally Posted by linden

I'm living in Hong Kong now and saw this one today. Very strange - not sure how much is language barrier and how much is strangeness...

http://hongkong.craigslist.hk/muc/3477345200.html

Quilts and water? How could I say no! Oh wait, I'm not "Jesus-shaped." Bugger me that's a weird advert...

[pklima]

What's weird about it? There's a perfectly reasonable and very simple explanation: they need a Jesus-shaped bassist to match their Moses-shaped drummer.

[C47]

Bass Player Wanted (Non-Mayan) (Taunton)
Date: 2012-12-21, 11:44PM EST
Reply to: tzmt8-3494893119@comm.craigslist.org[?]
5 piece band in Taunton looking for a bass player. We range in age from 33-50 and play 70s-80s-90s Classic rock and anything that's good. We gig when it's good and or fun and or pays.

NO ****ING MAYANS!!!!

We are very cool and all but draw the line at Mayans no exceptions.

We we're kind of hangingour hats on this Mayan apocalypse thing so we quit our jobs and fired our bass player.

Now we need new jobs AND a bass player.

Honestly, there was nothing wrong with the one we had. He was very nice and could play well and had decent weed. We figured we'd fire him for laughs seeing as the world was ending anyways.

And then Friday shows up and the world doesn't end. *** kind of ******** is that?! Thanks a ****in' lot Mayan Calendar. We got more accurate information from our Twilight calendar. (Robert Patterson's favorite food is Kraft Mac n' Cheese!)

Anyway, if you're non Mayan and play bass and or hiring, we're open to talk.

[Strat Hater]

Originally Posted by C47

Bass Player Wanted (Non-Mayan) (Taunton)
Date: 2012-12-21, 11:44PM EST
Reply to: tzmt8-3494893119@comm.craigslist.org[?]
5 piece band in Taunton looking for a bass player. We range in age from 33-50 and play 70s-80s-90s Classic rock and anything that's good. We gig when it's good and or fun and or pays.

NO ****ING MAYANS!!!!

We are very cool and all but draw the line at Mayans no exceptions.

We we're kind of hangingour hats on this Mayan apocalypse thing so we quit our jobs and fired our bass player.

Now we need new jobs AND a bass player.

Honestly, there was nothing wrong with the one we had. He was very nice and could play well and had decent weed. We figured we'd fire him for laughs seeing as the world was ending anyways.

And then Friday shows up and the world doesn't end. *** kind of ******** is that?! Thanks a ****in' lot Mayan Calendar. We got more accurate information from our Twilight calendar. (Robert Patterson's favorite food is Kraft Mac n' Cheese!)

Anyway, if you're non Mayan and play bass and or hiring, we're open to talk.

Yep yet another reason why natural selection should be aloud for survival purposes

[chiron_griffin]

Originally Posted by C47

Bass Player Wanted (Non-Mayan) (Taunton)
Date: 2012-12-21, 11:44PM EST
Reply to: tzmt8-3494893119@comm.craigslist.org[?]
5 piece band in Taunton looking for a bass player. We range in age from 33-50 and play 70s-80s-90s Classic rock and anything that's good. We gig when it's good and or fun and or pays.

NO ****ING MAYANS!!!!

We are very cool and all but draw the line at Mayans no exceptions.

We we're kind of hangingour hats on this Mayan apocalypse thing so we quit our jobs and fired our bass player.

Now we need new jobs AND a bass player.

Honestly, there was nothing wrong with the one we had. He was very nice and could play well and had decent weed. We figured we'd fire him for laughs seeing as the world was ending anyways.

And then Friday shows up and the world doesn't end. *** kind of ******** is that?! Thanks a ****in' lot Mayan Calendar. We got more accurate information from our Twilight calendar. (Robert Patterson's favorite food is Kraft Mac n' Cheese!)

Anyway, if you're non Mayan and play bass and or hiring, we're open to talk.

I really hope this one is a joke.

[Big Brother]

Lots of comedy/troll ads on Craigslist these days, but here's one of the guys they are making fun of and a response from the guy who auditioned with them.

Hi, our Living xxxxx's church is looking for a drummer who can play Hillsong, Planet Shaker, and etc. We have a special band set aside specifically for events/concerts. If you can play all the popular christian artists and bands out there, you might be fit for this position.

If you are looking to serve for God only, then this may be for you. We had a previous drummer who said to have prayed for a while after liking what he heard from our playing and then wanted to audition for our team but he decided to pass because the auditions was not the way he expected it to be. He liked our playing and was interested in auditioning but it took over a month to agree to the audition because our band leader made a decision to allow him to audition. After he decided to not audition, from our perspective, it was not God's will for him to be our drummer. A person who gives up easily like that, is a person who is serving not God but himself. How can a drummer pray so hard and then to refuse the offer without even experimenting just because he did not like the audition? I am not to judge but to love one another.

Look to serve God and experiment if you do not know. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you. I believe God will bring us the right person if it is His will.

I suggest you pray for a week before calling this number. It is good to know the will of God in your life. His will is important and the decision you make through this can change your life if God has chosen this for your life.

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper, not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

text/call me at (619)xxx-xxxx

God Bless

I believe you may be talking about me. I did not audition for you based on this. I believe you have it all wrong. 1). You already had a Drummer, I did not want to take the position from him. 2). Your keyboardist had made a decision to put ad on Craigslist without the worship leader knowing about it. Pretty awkward feeling for me when I visited the church on a Saturday. Overall I did not feel the Christian love, seemed like everyone was pretty stand offish towards me. 3). The Worship Leader finally agreed to have me audition which I found out from a text instead of talking to me personally on phone. (A lot can be lost in translation on text), but it was not going to be an audition without full band. It was just going to be Bass and Drums only. To me that would not be fair to accurately gauge my abilities and it would not be fair for me to gauge the abilities of the band overall. I believe if this is the same Church, you are not being fair as a Christian. I have never been to any audition where I did not hear the overall band playing with me. Don't hide behind scriptures , when you are not being fair as well. I was being nice when I said the music was good. You all have a lot of work to do and if you gave a brother a fair chance to move the beat, your band maybe able to get to the next level.

Good times were had by all.

[gumbynotpokey]

Originally Posted by linden

I'm living in Hong Kong now and saw this one today. Very strange - not sure how much is language barrier and how much is strangeness...

http://hongkong.craigslist.hk/muc/3477345200.html

I grew up in HK. My only sense of what could possibly be meant is what one has to intuit the intent is. That is, with this ESL stuff, don't be semantic. Go for gut meanings - the meaning is there - words are failing.

Could they possibly be a Christian band and for some cultural reason be looking for a bassist with a classic Western "Jesus" type look as we see in Western movies/other depictions of Jesus?

That's the best I can do.

[Big Brother]

Originally Posted by linden

I'm living in Hong Kong now and saw this one today. Very strange - not sure how much is language barrier and how much is strangeness...

http://hongkong.craigslist.hk/muc/3477345200.html

... He has gone to rescue fieldbeasts from threshing machine threat in Romania and will not be returning.

Pure awesome.

[behndy]

Originally Posted by Strat Hater

Yep yet another reason why natural selection should be aloud for survival purposes

lol. no offense, but the irony of using ALOUD instead of ALLOWED whilst describing somebody as too stupid to live gave me the Big Lulz.

[landau roof]

"> The neck is one of those highly sought after necks.."

1993 MIJ Fender Stratocaster '62 Reissue

[rosanne]

Originally Posted by gumbynotpokey

I grew up in HK. My only sense of what could possibly be meant is what one has to intuit the intent is. That is, with this ESL stuff, don't be semantic. Go for gut meanings - the meaning is there - words are failing.

Could they possibly be a Christian band and for some cultural reason be looking for a bassist with a classic Western "Jesus" type look as we see in Western movies/other depictions of Jesus?

That's the best I can do.

I think you're right with Christian band. Maybe the translation should be "shaped by Jesus" instead of "Jesus shaped".

[behndy]

dood. they have a picture of Jebus with a question mark in the middle. asking if that can be you.

THEY WANT. A JESUS SHAPED. HUMAN.

i take it completely at face value. and that is BEAUTIFUL.

[My name is Mudd]

Originally Posted by behndy

THEY WANT. A JESUS SHAPED. HUMAN.

Part of me, if I could, wants show up at the audition claiming my name is Brian and wait to see if/when they get it; the rest of me wouldn't 'cause I'd most likely have to explain it and if you have to explain it, it may not be as funny as you think.