Dumbest person you have EVER played in a band with

powderfinger · #1 06-24-2011, 01:40 PM

You know, in my nearly 20 year "career" Ive encoutnered LOTS of real dolts... whether it in bands, auditions, open jams, etc. What I'd like to know though is.... take ALL the guys you have EVER played in an actual band with, and narrow it down to the absolute biggest moron you can think of. This can be someone who lacks sense, or is just plan stupid.

Mine is a cover band from 2001 I played in for a short period. We had a singer, his name was David. David was in his late 20 s then. He looked alot like the wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin, cept he had a pot belly, and somewhat of a combover. He looked 1/2 cool... and 1/2 horrible. But the dude had golden pipes. He did some Priest, Sabbath, Dio.. he could wail.

Anyhow, 1st practice, he stood there and gave this speech about how the band should function. He told us that all of our gigs would start at 6 PM so that we could be home by 10 PM. I told him that the bars don't even open for load in until 7 30 usually, and that we will be expected to play til 1-2 am. He then told me, "if they want us bad enough, they'll meet our demands". I was thinking, "omg... this guy just fell out the stupid tree and hit his head on every branch before he landed". We all know that NO bar owner is going to listen to non sense like that from ANY band, much less one that hasnt had a gig yet. Nevermind, that most people are working or just getting home from work at 6 PM.. geez...

Anyhow, he told us the reason that gigs will end at 10 PM is that his lady can't sit at home waiting too long. She was pregnant btw, and I doubt it was even his to be honest, but I digress. He told me that her "sexual needs" come first, and that he will come first. Truth was, he was a jealous lunatic who didnt want to leave his woman at home for too long out of fear that Jody would be coming over to take care of business.

So the next practice, I suggest we do "White Room" by Cream. The guy told me that, "this band will play no cover from the 60s or 70s". I was like "ohhhh... k". He then told me that no one even knows who Cream is. I told him it was Eric Clapton's old band, and he told me "b*llshit", Eric Clapton wasnt in that band, he was a solo artist. Yeah...

So one day at practice, this moron decided to "show off" for us. He lived on a farm, and decided he was going to grease a pig, and then try to catch it (with no shirt on). I was drunk as hell, sitting outside with the rest of the band, who probably were like me, and just sticking around for the entertainment value at this point... he went to try and catch this pig, and ran head first into his truck and knocked himself out.

After a while, this guy's stupditiy and dicator-like behaviour was enough for me to hit the road.

About 3 years later, I saw an article about him in the paper. He had been arrested for exposing himself on a bridge to oncoming passengers on the Interstate.

I would say I wonder what hes up to now... but I don't.

brane · #2 06-24-2011, 01:49 PM

A particular drummer, who would only play at "that" volume, and thus broke sticks left and right, but would only show up with one pair. I used to bring a few pairs to every gig so we could play. One night I didn't, and half way through the first set he was down to one stick. He actually got up, went in to the kitchen, and came out with a wooden spoon.

It's really too stupid to make up, and I wish I was.

tdub0199 · #3 06-24-2011, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brane

A particular drummer, who would only play at "that" volume, and thus broke sticks left and right, but would only show up with one pair. I used to bring a few pairs to every gig so we could play. One night I didn't, and half way through the first set he was down to one stick. He actually got up, went in to the kitchen, and came out with a wooden spoon.

It's really too stupid to make up, and I wish I was.

Damn... sounds like the drummer I'm playing with now... lmao

mambo4 · #4 06-24-2011, 02:16 PM

I played in a thrash band that never found a singer...but one idiot punk dude sat in and "sang" with the mic right up against his teeth and occasionally inside is mouth. very punk, very stupid, very unlistenable.

No Malarky · #5 06-24-2011, 02:22 PM

My brother

Rockmusician · #6 06-24-2011, 02:23 PM

The dumbest was a former guitar player. He asked me to join his band and said that even though the band was named after him, we were all equals and shared in all the decisions and the money. When we started playing some high paying gigs opening for well known artists, he started telling us that we were just hired guns who could be replaced at any time. He then promised another band that they could borrow our gear without asking us first. When we refused, he called our drummer (who was black) the "N" word. At that point we all quit. That was 5 years ago. At the time, the band had been doing well and was on the verge of a record deal. Since then, he has gone through over 50 different band members and is back playing the dive bars that he played when he started out. Even his brother won't play with him.

TripleDouble · #7 06-24-2011, 02:24 PM

The drummer. Everytime.

powderfinger · #8 06-24-2011, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockmusician

When we refused, he called our drummer (who was black) the "N" word. At that point we all quit. .

Did your drummer slug him? I would have. And Im white.

madmarvin · #9 06-24-2011, 02:30 PM

Dumbest band ever - a nice bar around the way offered us couple hundred a week to play every Friday night, blues covers and whatever else we want to throw in. Band turned it down because they did not feel the "exposure" would be good enough and that they wanted the chance to play other venues on Friday nights. I told the guys we could at the very least just make it rehearsal. Nope. Band fired me three weeks later because I missed a practice and they felt my commitment wasn't there. Practice was on Thursdays. I was home for Thanksgiving.

powderfinger · #10 06-24-2011, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madmarvin

Dumbest band ever - a nice bar around the way offered us couple hundred a week to play every Friday night, blues covers and whatever else we want to throw in. Band turned it down because they did not feel the "exposure" would be good enough and that they wanted the chance to play other venues on Friday nights. I told the guys we could at the very least just make it rehearsal. Nope. Band fired me three weeks later because I missed a practice and they felt my commitment wasn't there. Practice was on Thursdays. I was home for Thanksgiving.

What a bunch of holes...

madmatt · #11 06-24-2011, 02:45 PM

Does myself count?

Danni Moe · #12 06-24-2011, 03:23 PM

Wow I've been talking about these guys for a while... But this guy is the singer and bass PROVIDER for the now senior band. He's also the person that got mad at me when I decided to fool around with my wah pedal during the outro/bass solo of a song we were practicing.
He said "For Christ sake, will you stop with the f***ing pedal?!? You're not a f***ing guitar player!"
Note that I was the only (real) bassist in the band. I had to come up with the bass line and I had the last 16 measures to myself.
Now he providing the bass and the amp for their bass player(he's really just a good friend). But now they're a happy crappy senior band that needs a real drummer...
Sucks for them because they're the only musicians in the senior class, the only real drummer in the school is a freshman and he doesn't wanna play for them anymore and he's gonna form a trio with some friends of his... Haha... Funny how it only takes one replacement to hurt the band.

Fassa Albrecht · #13 06-24-2011, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripleDouble

The drummer. Everytime.

I'm a drummer....

FrenchAK · #14 06-24-2011, 04:21 PM

Sadly, the drummer. Although I've only been in one band so far, but still.

Ours has a nasty habit of forgetting important parts of his kit and throwing sticks... I've caught one in the back mid-gig. He's a good guy, though.

Fassa Albrecht · #15 06-24-2011, 04:27 PM

In my case it was usually the singers who were the idiots. I met more than one who had no idea of rhythm, key or harmony.

frankenjazz · #16 06-24-2011, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockmusician

The dumbest was a former guitar player. He asked me to join his band and said that even though the band was named after him, we were all equals and shared in all the decisions and the money. When we started playing some high paying gigs opening for well known artists, he started telling us that we were just hired guns who could be replaced at any time. He then promised another band that they could borrow our gear without asking us first. When we refused, he called our drummer (who was black) the "N" word. At that point we all quit. That was 5 years ago. At the time, the band had been doing well and was on the verge of a record deal. Since then, he has gone through over 50 different band members and is back playing the dive bars that he played when he started out. Even his brother won't play with him.

That sounds so familiar I just have to ask, was he a ginger hair texan with a a S.R.V obession?

bathnapkin · #17 06-24-2011, 04:37 PM

In my old band the drummer was the only smart one besides me.

The singer would just rip off other bands stuff and when he pointed it out to him he just said "nah we make it our own". The guitarist couldn't keep time at all and his tone was just maxing out every setting. He would always be gradually speeding the songs up and all the drummer and I could do is look at each other.

tharv · #18 06-24-2011, 04:42 PM

One band I worked with briefly..... I had to convince EVERYONE else in the band it was necessary to count out the beats of a measure to help figure out where to start playing again. They all wanted to just cue off the singer, who was drunk at every gig. DUH..... Can't believe it was actually a lengthy discussion.

BassNeo · #19 06-24-2011, 04:53 PM

one of the earliest bands I played in included a guy who knew three chords, had timing issues (who took his cues from a drummer that couldn't hold a tempo with a bucket, a spool of fence wire and a case of duct tape - I once asked him to do a four count; his response was '1234' like a good first grader) and touted himself as a creative writing genius. His more notable songs were 'Psycho Groupies from Hell' and 'One Drink - Slut in a Bottle'. The latter almost got us beaten buy a pool cue toting female patron of an open mic night we played at.

gustobassman · #20 06-24-2011, 04:59 PM

a former singer i was in a band with. The guy couldn't sing, write decent lyrics, or hold a note. The lyrics were the worst. it's like he took Dr Seuss books and just changed the words.. "That's just the way things go, that's just the way the wind blows" ... grows, shows, toes.... anything else that would fit..