Dumbest thing I've ever been told at a gig. Ever.

[Kmonk]

Originally Posted by topper

Had a sound guy once at a show who kept asking me to turn my stage amp down. I finally turned it off (bass was running through a DI) and played the next song.

Guess what?? Then he asked me to turn it down again!!!

I had a sound guy who was like that. He would tell me to turn down and I would pretend to turn the volume knob until he gave me the thumbs up.


I was setting for a gig and a drunk kept yelling at me "I heard you guys suck!" I kept ignoring him. When we started the first song, he raised both arms in the air and started screaming and yelling YEAH! When we finished the set he said wow you guys don't suck. A few minutes later he came back and started with the "I heard you guys suck" again. He was promptly thrown out of the club.

This one is from a rehearsal but my old band had a sound guy who must have had severe hearing loss because we were always too loud. It got to the point where people were covering their ears. We were getting ready for a gig and decided to do a dress rehearsal and invited friends and family. Everyone was complaining that we were loud. I went over to the sound guy and asked him to turn down. He said we weren't loud and if anything we could be louder. I pointed to my girlfriend and said "look even she has her ears covered". He responded by calling her a word that women hate (you know what it is). I grabbed him off his stool and dragged him outside and fired him.

[gary19702]

Played a dive bar back around 2001 and the group I was in (phunkbucket) played the general assortment of zz top, James brown, chilli peppers and what not, well we had sort of a rep of being a drinking band and that being as it was there were certainly humorous incidents that occurred, one that stands above all else was this gig I mentioned, my drummer all 300 pounds of him was cutting through his usual amount of beer that night, coupled with the fact that he sang too he had a wireless mike strapped on his head. Our break had just come and we all either went out for a smoke or drinks, he had to utilize the facilities and had forgot to switch off the microphone. The entire bar heard every grunt, plop and piss while he was dropping deuce for a straight 5 minutes. Of course we let him finish no one dared go in and say something to him, the bathroom is usually off limits for awhile after he does his thing. Swear to god it was THE most hilarious thing I have ever bore witness to.

[Tx Basser]

So many stories, so little time.....

Once, at a gig, I had two elderly cougar looking ladies whispering to each other about 5 feet in front of the stage. After a couple of minutes, they approached me and asked, "Had you ever danced at Le Bare?" (a ladies club that used to be in the Dallas, TX area)
When I answered, "No."
They must have seen me blush and they replied,
"Well you should. We can tell that you are well endowed."
True story. But I didn't have the heart to tell them otherwise.
I felt pretty dumb for not telling them, "Yea, that was me at Le Bare. I was known as John Holmes."

Another time, our band was playing a gig and this woman was hitting on our lead guitarist before the show. During the breaks, they were lip locking at the table and basically about to get a little too affectionate.....That is until this "lady" coughed and her voice deepened and the guitarist found out she was a "he" in drag. We had to hold him back as he was about to try and kill "her". It was all the rest of us could do to not rag on him about that. He didn't mess with any groupies for a LONG time after that night.
Our guitarist felt very dumb after that little incident.

[whbjr]

Played a middle-of-the-road club in the Dallas area, but that night there were just a few bikers there. Our band had a fiddler, so one of the bikers came up and requested... can you guess? ... Devil Went Down to Georgia! "Umm, we don't actually..." "No, c'mon! I wanna hear Devil Went Down to Georgia!" (and here's my favorite part) "... or ANYTHING by Charlie Daniels!" Ah, okay, so let's look at our Known-Songs list - well, how about that, we don't know ANYthing by Charlie Daniels! (We faked our way through Devil, and got a hefty tip from the bikers!)

[dickfitts]

Well...no yokels and rubes, no dollars and boobs, eh? Love this thread...

[Joe 1956]

Originally Posted by whbjr

Played a middle-of-the-road club in the Dallas area, but that night there were just a few bikers there. Our band had a fiddler, so one of the bikers came up and requested... can you guess? ... Devil Went Down to Georgia! "Umm, we don't actually..." "No, c'mon! I wanna hear Devil Went Down to Georgia!" (and here's my favorite part) "... or ANYTHING by Charlie Daniels!" Ah, okay, so let's look at our Known-Songs list - well, how about that, we don't know ANYthing by Charlie Daniels! (We faked our way through Devil, and got a hefty tip from the bikers!)

Just my opinion, of course, but maybe groups should have this one in their tool box for those "just in case" moments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANpUb6k21To

(I used to roll my eyes at the thought of his music until I heard it).

[AMp'D.2play]

Originally Posted by Tx Basser

...That is until this "lady" coughed and her voice deepened and the guitarist found out she was a "he" in drag.

[SlowMike]

Originally Posted by Tx Basser

So many stories, so little time.....


Another time, our band was playing a gig and this woman was hitting on our lead guitarist before the show. During the breaks, they were lip locking at the table and basically about to get a little too affectionate.....That is until this "lady" coughed and her voice deepened and the guitarist found out she was a "he" in drag. We had to hold him back as he was about to try and kill "her". It was all the rest of us could do to not rag on him about that. He didn't mess with any groupies for a LONG time after that night.
Our guitarist felt very dumb after that little incident.

You guys don't happen to have Lola in your set list, do you?

[saustindavis]

I just read through every single post in this thread and thoroughly enjoyed it! I have two stories, both relating to the fact that we are an instrumental post-rock band.

1. We played a show with a pretty successful local band and it turns out they are all pretty full of themselves. After our set their bassist told our guitarist, "That was pretty good. All you need now is a singer!" Our guitarist was like, "Well, we've decided to go isntrumental. It's actually gaining a lot of popularity in big cities. In fact, ah nevermind..."

2. This one takes the cake for our band! We played a show at a local bar/venue where we've gotten to know the owner fairly well. The opening act had a few people show up and one of the dude's dad verbally abused us during our ENTIRE set because we don't have a singer. He was saying (yelling actually...) stuff like, "Where the f*** is your singer?! This is bullsh*t!" and (excuse the vulgarity...) "You can f*** my ears with sound all night long but I'm not gonna c*m until I hear some singing!" We still joke about that one!

[tomnomnom91]

"Ooh it's very loud, isn't it? It's because you've got so many speakers. Can't you all just share one?"

[sturoc]

Originally Posted by tomnomnom91

Bassist for female-fronted, North Yorkshire-based rock band Viszera.

Now that's an great band name !!!

[Astreaux]

Originally Posted by SlowMike

You guys don't happen to have Lola in your set list, do you?

+1 Excellent!!!

[ZiggyDude]

I had a decent tan thing going for a while in the 80's - and playing the shore places. Did the lemon juice in my hair to lighten it - but does not change color. But - gives a bit of the beach look thing anyway. Gotta do it back then in the summer shore clubs.

So, one night talking to a new groupie and the girl says "I just love guys with blond hair and blue eyes". Except my eyes are very brown and the hair is to.......................

[ffutterman]

Originally Posted by topper

Had a sound guy once at a show who kept asking me to turn my stage amp down. I finally turned it off (bass was running through a DI) and played the next song.

Guess what?? Then he asked me to turn it down again!!!

[Tx Basser]

Originally Posted by SlowMike

You guys don't happen to have Lola in your set list, do you?

Ha! Greatness Slow Mike!

No, we were a country band and we didn't do any Kinks music but I wish I had thought of it at the time as I would have suggested that we learn "Lola" to the rest of the guys! In hindsight, if I had suggested that, the lead player might have punched me.

[dfinnegan71]

Originally Posted by dickfitts

Well...no yokels and rubes, no dollars and boobs, eh? Love this thread...

In 22 years of playing dive bars and what not in the Northeast, I have only seen boobs at gigs 3 times. ALL THREE were in Boothbay Harbor Maine. Tourists....gotta love em'.

[qervo]

I was finishing up at a frat house gig when this lovely 18 year old honey walks up and ask "may I kiss you"?
Who am I to turn a young attractive woman down ? So I say sure come here. We make out for a while , I told her stick around and we could hang after the stage was broke down . About five minutes later I see her talking to my drummer and she looks back at me with a very shocked look on her face,,, then screams out in front of everyone,,,"Oh My God! You're the oldest person I've ever made out with"!!! Sad thing is I was only 33. She split after she found out I was a dinosaur ...hahah

[Big Brother]

Originally Posted by gary19702

Played a dive bar back around 2001 and the group I was in (phunkbucket) played the general assortment of zz top, James brown, chilli peppers and what not, well we had sort of a rep of being a drinking band and that being as it was there were certainly humorous incidents that occurred, one that stands above all else was this gig I mentioned, my drummer all 300 pounds of him was cutting through his usual amount of beer that night, coupled with the fact that he sang too he had a wireless mike strapped on his head. Our break had just come and we all either went out for a smoke or drinks, he had to utilize the facilities and had forgot to switch off the microphone. The entire bar heard every grunt, plop and piss while he was dropping deuce for a straight 5 minutes. Of course we let him finish no one dared go in and say something to him, the bathroom is usually off limits for awhile after he does his thing. Swear to god it was THE most hilarious thing I have ever bore witness to.

Priceless. I just hope the bar applauded when he came out.

[Big Brother]

Originally Posted by dfinnegan71

In 22 years of playing dive bars and what not in the Northeast, I have only seen boobs at gigs 3 times. ALL THREE were in Boothbay Harbor Maine. Tourists....gotta love em'.

I got caught eyeballing the hockey game on a clubs monitor one night, a girl on the dance floor started yelling angrily at me saying 'eyes down here!' and proceeded to clumsily start pulling her large floppy babes out the TOP of her shirt before figuring it out and doing the normal flash. "Here!! You look HERE!"

It was more crazy than hot.

I asked our guitar player what he thought about it since she was basically standing 5 feet in front of him in a small club, he didn't even notice her.

[Groove Doctor]

Originally Posted by gary19702

Played a dive bar back around 2001 and the group I was in (phunkbucket) played the general assortment of zz top, James brown, chilli peppers and what not, well we had sort of a rep of being a drinking band and that being as it was there were certainly humorous incidents that occurred, one that stands above all else was this gig I mentioned, my drummer all 300 pounds of him was cutting through his usual amount of beer that night, coupled with the fact that he sang too he had a wireless mike strapped on his head. Our break had just come and we all either went out for a smoke or drinks, he had to utilize the facilities and had forgot to switch off the microphone. The entire bar heard every grunt, plop and piss while he was dropping deuce for a straight 5 minutes. Of course we let him finish no one dared go in and say something to him, the bathroom is usually off limits for awhile after he does his thing. Swear to god it was THE most hilarious thing I have ever bore witness to.

GOLD !!!