Dumbest thing I've ever been told at a gig. Ever. - Page 8

derylgallant · #**141** 02-02-2012, 07:58 AM

I was playing in an 8 piece swing band that was pretty popular during the swing revival from 1999-2002 ... in our early days we did a show at "the mall" around Christmas time... aside from our standards we added some Christmas music with original swing arrangements... it was pretty cooking stuff... about half way through our first set, and people are really diggin it and dancing around, most of the band notices this little older lady making her way onto the dance floor and we think "awww she's gonna dance"..but she keeps going right through the dancers...right up to where we were playing with this crazy smile on her face and we think "awwww she's come up to give us a compliment" .... and our singer finishes the song and goes over to her and she says with the biggest crazy look on her face and the loudest crazy lady voice "this isn't MUSIC.....this is TERRIBLE!!!!!!!"

She totally silenced us until we started playing the next tune.... afterwards we had the biggest laugh about it and it became one of those great reoccurring stories...

JoelCMJ · #**142** 02-02-2012, 09:31 AM

Wow you guys were awesome, I want to play guitar now!

Me: Why not bass?

Whats a bass?

Has happened a few times >_>

Kawai-chang · #**143** 02-02-2012, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Faderoktopus

Yeah, but don't confuse ignorance with stupidity. Clever, ignorant people can go through their whole lives never learning anything but never looking stupid.

Stupidity is applied ignorance.

Martin

And sigged!!

**Faderoktopus** · #**144** 02-02-2012, 10:16 AM

You honor me sir.

I can't immediately recall the dumbest thing I've heard, but quite a few I've seen:

One really wasted guy once tried to take a nap under our tour bus. Luckily, one of our techs saw him and pulled him out. This was only about an hour and a half before the bus call, that guy could have been dead.

Another time, a group of very young and very stupid headbangers had been driving for hours to get to the show, pounding down cases of Westmalle Trippel (delicious, but 9.5% alcohol, and none of these guys were more than 18/19 at most). Although they were hilarious and quite friendly, they never the less made a mess of things by throwing up all around the venue and getting a number of members from a few of the bands very drunk in record time. This escalated to the point where some of those guys were all standing in a line peeing in a ditch, one of the guys from my band (a fill in flute player we hired for the tour) ran around in the streets all nekkid, and one of the morons proceeds to systematically push his friends into said ditch, getting puled down himself by the last one. During the ensuing piss-mud-wrestling match, we grab our flute player and get back on the bus.

Lastly, at one point half of the entire tour personnel, fifteen people in all, tried to push-start a two floor nightliner that had drained its battery. We pushed and pushed but to no avail, and then the driver realized that the hydraulics were controlled electroniclly, so the bus was really resting on the axles. We might as well have tried to push a house.

Martin

Fretless1! · #**145** 02-02-2012, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Faderoktopus

Yeah, but don't confuse ignorance with stupidity. Clever, ignorant people can go through their whole lives never learning anything but never looking stupid.

Stupidity is applied ignorance.

Martin

Man, that is the most profound thing I've heard in a long time.

Word!

krstko · #**146** 02-02-2012, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoelCMJ

Wow you guys were awesome, I want to play guitar now!

Me: Why not bass?

Whats a bass?

Has happened a few times >_>

haha one of best (and I kind of know it)

wilder · #**147** 02-02-2012, 01:17 PM

I heard this after a set of primarily blues tunes in a dive bar:

Old drunk guy in the corner yells: "Stop playing that g*damned ni**er music and play some Charley Pride!"

**toddj1s** · #**148** 02-02-2012, 02:30 PM

Incredibly blonde singer chick repeatedly asking to keep my stage volume down, as I stand in front of her with IEM's stuck in my head, not an amp to be seen. Did I mention repeatedly asking, whose floor monitors cause instant bleeding within a 12 ft radius, and the main reason I started using in ears in this band?

cygnuswth2112 · #**149** 02-05-2012, 01:19 AM

Couple weeks ago I filled in on an open mic night..….it was held at a local Legion (war veterans hall).
As I’m setting my gear up, this older gent walks up and asks “Do you play all of those strings?” I had my Geddy Jazz and my first thought….this guys f**king w/ me!
But he was dead serious, so I patiently explained that I indeed would be playing all 4 strings, I also explained that some bassists out there even have 12 string guitars and they get to play all strings as well……lol

klejst · #**150** 02-05-2012, 11:56 AM

I had to tell yet another drunk girl one night after my band was done playing that it was pretty much my bass (and me playing it) that she was shaking her @$$ to all night and that I am not just "a bass player." Man, drunk chicks can be brutal sometimes.

HunterBrodt · #**151** 02-05-2012, 12:25 PM

I was playing a wedding reception duo gig on upright... This guy comes to talk to me during the middle of a song while I'm still playing. He tells that his son and him were having an argument about what instrument I was playing. His son said it was a trumpet :/ but since dad knows all he insists that im actually playing the cello. I let him talk about how much he knew about music before I very bluntly told him that it was a bass.

The Owl · #**152** 02-05-2012, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by klejst

I had to tell yet another drunk girl one night after my band was done playing that it was pretty much my bass (and me playing it) that she was shaking her @$$ to all night and that I am not just "a bass player." Man, drunk chicks can be brutal sometimes.

You ain't kiddin'! They're the type I avoid like the plague! No thank you, nothing but BAD news!

lwender · #**153** 02-05-2012, 05:57 PM

Drunk guy: Great job on the drums buddy!.....
Me: Thanks, but I'm the bass player
Drunk guy: " Yeah, he's was pretty good too!...Great job on the drums buddy!"
Me:

sturoc · #**154** 02-08-2012, 06:57 PM

Quote:

If You think it's bad for the musicians, ask the engineers

When i finally figured out it that playing my way towards
obtaining true financial security would be a long long road to my future giant house on the mtn lake with the studio building and all toys. I got into the production end of things whilst still playing. Certain festivals I have worked find myself on occasion as LD for The Neville bros, Ziggy M, Herbie Hancock etc .

After one pretty good night. Several people came up to me nearly surrounding the lighting console ( a huge ancient AVO with a Grand-MA above it ) saying :
"That was the most awesome sounding show ever- Your the best sound guy I've ever heard...Nice Job.."

"Nice Job tonite !" I yelled over to my buddies who were the audio engineers that night right next to me. They were like