Explain this...win a prize!

[Roadman]

Ok, I was snooping around Craig's List and found a posting for a yard sale. Among the menagerie of semi-normal offerings like lamps and bikes and such, the following item was listed as follows.

-Fender Precision Bass (needs new strings) the existing ones work, they've just been painted.....

So here is where you come in. We're going to have a little contest.

Who ever can come up with the best back story as to HOW or WHY this happened will win a prize. Not a real prize or anything, just the "best painted bass string story ever" award. Suitable for framing, if you have a frame and another award you want to write over with a sharpie or something.

Did I mention the award would be coveted, yes, coveted would be good i think.

Ok guys , what ya got?

[fenderhutz]

The bassist is a drag queen and wanted the strings to match his/her ensemble.

Or the bassist got the wrong idea and when the job called for flats he went down to Home Depot and picked up a gallon.

[Dbassboarder]

A man wished to remove his head because his wife left him and took his manhood with her (literally, I mean cauterized after removal, sizzle lean) so he decided to die the way he lived, by the bass (which also happens to be the reason his wife left him, he didn't make enough cash gigging and she found him one night after a show with another woman). So, the man created an acidic mixture in his garage, only acidic enough to dissolve skin though, anyways he takes his strings, puts on very thick gloves, and dips them into what he thinks is this acid. In his rush to kill himself he rushes into his living room, binds the strings together with his bass next to him, and tries to remove his head in the slow and painful fashion of pulling the strings while having the acid slowly burn through his skin. He waits for about ten minutes and is wondering why nothing has happened yet, all of a sudden cops bust in (his neighbors called because they smelled something suspicious as they were walking their dog by his house). When the cops came in they calmly asked him, "sir what the hell are you doing?," he said he was trying to remove his head through the previously explained process, and then a cop told him that his strings were only covered in paint. Out of embarrassment of his failed suicide attempt the man restrung his bass and sold it on craigslist, which in turn ended up being sold in a garage sale. The End

[peaveyuser]

the bass was owned by some stupid teenage kid who thought it would look cool to paint the strings of his bass. The kid thought it wouldn't be a huge loss since he can always buy new strings. Well after kid did that he played it and found that it played and sounded like crap. Not realizing it was the fact the strings were painted he got frustrated of playing and decided to sell it.

[tomvelsor]

i know exactly why this happened..

the previous owner is a friggen idiot, plain and simple, some people are morons..

do i win =D?

[Thangfish]

Not nearly as exciting...

How about, the strings are DR Black Beauties (or one of the other colors) that have been nicely used and the person selling the bass hasn't a clue.

FTW

[Roadman]

Originally Posted by Thangfish

Not nearly as exciting...

How about, the strings are DR Black Beauties (or one of the other colors) that have been nicely used and the person selling the bass hasn't a clue.

FTW

Entirely plausible.
Immediate disqualification!

[kesslari]

The previous owner, quite stoned one night, decided to try the old trick of watching the Wizard of Oz while listening to Dark Side of the Moon.
Suitably terrified by the witch, he decided to comfort himself by playing along on his bass.
When he reached Oz, he was calmed and inspired by the Horse of a Different Color.
"Imagine" he thought, "if they can paint horses and make them so beautiful" (did I mention that he was stoned?), I could paint my bass, strings and all, and once it was a Different Color, it too would sound beautiful".
And so he did.
But being a stoner and a slacker, he soon got behind in his rent, got evicted, and now he has to sell his bass.
Let that be a lesson to us all.

[sixway]

The strings were painted to "lock in the freshness", thereby never needing to be removed and boiled.....

[Xanthyr]

One stormy evening, a lonely guitarist sat alone in the garage, dejected that the rhythm section bailed on him after his 40 minute power solo, complete with pedal-feedback-double-tapping-stairway-to-eruption passages. His head was hung low.

After the bassist left, disgusted at his fret-buzzing massacre of a fingerboard, the drummer soon left as well, realizing that he had no one to keep time with and was basically forgotten about after the low-end cut out.

The keyboard player thought that this would be his turn to shine, but lo, he was wrong. He threw down the best of his pre-made drum-loops on the highest of tempos, he tried to play the deep groove, but couldn't lock with himself, and then was soon chewed out by our lone guitarist himself! Embarrassed and flustered, the keyboardist fled the scene to wonder how else to use the note-bender and vibrato on his $30 electric keyboard.

The singer, immediately recognizing that not everyone in the entire world wasn't looking at them for two seconds, burst immediately into flames. Disintegrated, he gave the guitarist no audience.



We come back to the place where it all happened, a critical case of wankage has driven away all of his bandmates, and he tries to decide what he will do.

He has a loop station, there is chance yet! He doesn't need the other members to make a rocking solo album!

Pride of genius swelling in his head and chest, he rapidly begins creating the newest Eddie-Van-Malmsteen riff that will rock the world, but then realized he needs to be able to back himself up. He storms on the different instruments at hand.

Sing? Can't keep harmony worth jack.
Drumming? Only coordination here are a total of 5 fingers for two hands (Oh Guitar BURN)
Keyboard? (See above)
Rhythm guitar? Pssh.
Bass? Bass! Yes, excellent! After all, it is an easier guitar, right? Always going on and on, playing those pesky notes that get in the way of the guitarist's 5 key changes in two seconds, only getting in the way.

Now, really struck with a grand idea, he sweeps by the nearest Guitar Center and grabs the cheapest thing within reach. After all, there is only one sound to bass, which is boom, so why be ripped off so blatantly.

He drives home with tsunami like force, weaving traffic, jumping over-passes, etc.

He barrels into the garage, plugs in the bass and starts to play around... but....

Something is wrong! These strings, they're... they're so slow, and nearly a full inch off of the fretboard! He can't nearly play his 64th's at 400 bpm on these cruddy things.

But, after a realization, he recalls something that was said, "It's not about the speed, but about the feel."

Corrected and never-stalled, he throws down the loop-station and plays a riff and adds on to it slowly and slowly until he has what he'd call a full progression.

He plays his guitar over, but it sounds terrible. Conflicting notes everywhere, it just sounds like a mud war. He tries and he tries, but the bass is just awful. Determined but prideful, he blames the tool instead of the user and then proceeded to find a way to fix the obviously flawed bass.


That is when it happens, in his garage, he noticed something glowing like the Holy Grail itself, a big can with a big font sprawled across it.

BASE-COAT

[Darkstrike]

^^^^^/thread.

[krazyduck]

*right click-"bookmark this page"*

I never laughed so hard in my life! thanks Xanthyr!

[Eric Perry]

Originally Posted by kesslari

The previous owner....

Originally Posted by Xanthyr

One stormy evening...

Toss up!!! LMAO!!!!

[Bass Mule]

I think a tone-deaf, color-blind bassist was tearing apart a band with his holier-than-thou attitude. His bandmates decided to partake in a passive-aggressive attempt at knocking him down a notch or two, by painting his strings red.

Sorry, not as cool as base-coat.

[DudeistMonk]

Although not nearly as funny as Xanthyr's story, I'd put money on it that a 13 year old decided he wanted the neck of his bass to be bright green and decided to paint it, and since the strings are an inch of the fretboard he saw no problem with painting it with the strings still on...of course he still managed to get them covered in paint.

[sidster]

We've secretly replaced the audience's cans of "Silly String" with Krylon.

Let's see what happens...

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by Xanthyr

One stormy evening, a lonely guitarist sat alone in the garage, dejected that the rhythm section bailed on him after his 40 minute power solo, complete with pedal-feedback-double-tapping-stairway-to-eruption passages. His head was hung low.

After the bassist left, disgusted at his fret-buzzing massacre of a fingerboard, the drummer soon left as well, realizing that he had no one to keep time with and was basically forgotten about after the low-end cut out.

The keyboard player thought that this would be his turn to shine, but lo, he was wrong. He threw down the best of his pre-made drum-loops on the highest of tempos, he tried to play the deep groove, but couldn't lock with himself, and then was soon chewed out by our lone guitarist himself! Embarrassed and flustered, the keyboardist fled the scene to wonder how else to use the note-bender and vibrato on his $30 electric keyboard.

The singer, immediately recognizing that not everyone in the entire world wasn't looking at them for two seconds, burst immediately into flames. Disintegrated, he gave the guitarist no audience.



We come back to the place where it all happened, a critical case of wankage has driven away all of his bandmates, and he tries to decide what he will do.

He has a loop station, there is chance yet! He doesn't need the other members to make a rocking solo album!

Pride of genius swelling in his head and chest, he rapidly begins creating the newest Eddie-Van-Malmsteen riff that will rock the world, but then realized he needs to be able to back himself up. He storms on the different instruments at hand.

Sing? Can't keep harmony worth jack.
Drumming? Only coordination here are a total of 5 fingers for two hands (Oh Guitar BURN)
Keyboard? (See above)
Rhythm guitar? Pssh.
Bass? Bass! Yes, excellent! After all, it is an easier guitar, right? Always going on and on, playing those pesky notes that get in the way of the guitarist's 5 key changes in two seconds, only getting in the way.

Now, really struck with a grand idea, he sweeps by the nearest Guitar Center and grabs the cheapest thing within reach. After all, there is only one sound to bass, which is boom, so why be ripped off so blatantly.

He drives home with tsunami like force, weaving traffic, jumping over-passes, etc.

He barrels into the garage, plugs in the bass and starts to play around... but....

Something is wrong! These strings, they're... they're so slow, and nearly a full inch off of the fretboard! He can't nearly play his 64th's at 400 bpm on these cruddy things.

But, after a realization, he recalls something that was said, "It's not about the speed, but about the feel."

Corrected and never-stalled, he throws down the loop-station and plays a riff and adds on to it slowly and slowly until he has what he'd call a full progression.

He plays his guitar over, but it sounds terrible. Conflicting notes everywhere, it just sounds like a mud war. He tries and he tries, but the bass is just awful. Determined but prideful, he blames the tool instead of the user and then proceeded to find a way to fix the obviously flawed bass.


That is when it happens, in his garage, he noticed something glowing like the Holy Grail itself, a big can with a big font sprawled across it.

BASE-COAT

We need you for story-time at the ice house!!!

Base-Coat...ROTFLMAO!!!

Cherie

[Roadman]

I think we have a winner!!!

Magnificent job Xanthyr.

Get out your sharpie, you deserve it.

[Xanthyr]

Oh man guys, I can feel the love, and I can tell you, I dig it. I dig it good.

I had a lot of fun with that one. You can be pretty creative when your eyes are rolling in the back of your head after a 20 hour day.

[alexei]

"Oh darling, since you dont play that much the old guitar now that you got the new one, can I do something with it so it doesn't missmatch the wallcovering in the living room?
-Yes darling, whatever"