Funny

rtslinger · #1 02-24-2010, 08:22 AM

One night at a gig the band leader yells at the bass guitar player "Your out of tune! Fix it!" The bass player pulls on all of the strings and says "The tension is the same on all of the strings...it must be in tune." and the guitar player yells at him "You idiot. The pegs have to be all lined up!"

Q. What's the difference between a bass player and a toilet?
A. A toilet only has to take crap from one butt hole at a time.

guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Aunt Peg SUVs amplificatior thingies and a Fender D geetar with a Bad Grass Bridge?"
"You're a Guitarist, aren't you?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."

Phalex · #2 02-24-2010, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rtslinger

Q. What's the difference between a bass player and a toilet?
A. A toilet only has to take crap from one butt hole at a time.

My new FB status!!

JackANSI · #3 02-24-2010, 08:42 AM

A couple, whose relationship was on the rocks, went to a marriage counselor who could not get them to discuss anything. The communication block was so heavy that nothing he suggested could make them open up and talk.

Finally after several sessions of non-communication, the counselor stands up, walks to the corner of the room and produces a bass guitar. He brings it to the couple, plugs it into a small practice amp and begins to play fervently. Gradually their barriers break down and they begin to discuss their problems and little things that always bothered them that they never felt encouraged to bring up before.

At the end of the session, they were smiling and laughing just like old times. They paid their bill and before leaving, the couple asked the counselor, "What did you do? How did that song help make everything work out?"

He answered simply, "Everybody talks during the bass solo."

aikakone · #4 02-24-2010, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JackANSI

He answered simply, "Everybody talks during the bass solo."

Best joke of the day! I'm copying this somewhere. LJ, maybe.

ericw · #5 02-24-2010, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JackANSI

He answered simply, "Everybody talks during the bass solo."

haha. nice.

Exploiter8 · #6 02-24-2010, 10:52 AM

N'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk!

X8

lkngro · #7 02-24-2010, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JackANSI

He answered simply, "Everybody talks during the bass solo."

Not mine.

Because they know that bass is going to make its way from my hands to their face if they do.

OnePocket · #8 02-24-2010, 07:36 PM

Med student turns his cadaver over and finds a cork in the butt. He pulls out the cork and hears strains of"On the road again". Puts the cork back, pulls it out , same thing. So he runs to get his instructor. The instructor comes over, out comes the cork and "On the road again" wafts out again.
The instructor turns and walks away, followed by the med student saying "Wait, what's going on? Doesnt this amaze you?
Instructor: "Nah, any a**hole can sing country music?"

JackANSI · #9 02-25-2010, 09:34 AM

Thats a good one!

onlyclave · #10 02-25-2010, 09:38 AM

Q: How can you tell if the drum riser is level?

A: The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

Rush-2112 · #11 02-25-2010, 09:46 AM

My friend told me this one...

Just before rehearsal is about to start on the Orchestra's "Bring Your Child to Work Day," the conductor is horrified to see the bass player hitting one of the children.

"You can't do that!" he yells. "Why are you hitting him?"

"He slackened one of my strings" replies the bass player.

"No problem," says the conductor. "Just tune the string up again."

"I can't!" screams the bass player. "He won't tell me which one."

JackANSI · #12 02-25-2010, 10:13 AM

Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - One. Five. One. Five.

Q - Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
A - It took two hours to get the drummer out.

Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - Six, one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.

Q - What do you call a woman on a bass player's arm?
A - A Tattoo.

"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!"
"Now Johnny, you can't do both!"

Q - Why do guitarists hang picks from their rear view mirror?
A - So they can park in the handicap spots.

Q - How many frontmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A - One. They stand there and hold it and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Q - What's the difference between god and a lead singer?
A - God knows he's not a lead singer

A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons.

When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." replied the son.

Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "This time I learned the first five notes on the A string."

One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?"
The son replies "Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"

Probably all oldies by now...

nutso42 · #13 02-25-2010, 01:42 PM

Q. What's the difference between a Duracell battery and a bass player?

A. The battery has a good life.

thwump64 · #14 02-25-2010, 07:40 PM

A drummer, who is tired of all of the drummer jokes, walks into a music store to try and find a new instrument. After a while he decides that he wants to play the accordion. After he finds one that he likes he asks the man behind the counter to help him get it off of the shelf. The clerk turns to him and asks: "You're a drummer aren't you?" Too which the drummer responds: "Yeah, how'd you know?" The clerk turned to him and said: "Because that accordion is the dehumidifier."

shadowtippy · #15 02-25-2010, 10:11 PM

Why did the drummer have "T G I F" written inside his shoes?

It stands for: Toes Go In First.

bassman1987 · #16 02-25-2010, 10:49 PM

This isn't bass related, but has to do with the instrument I played in high school:

Q: How can you tell which kid on the playground is the trombone player's?

A: Look for the one who can't swing and doesn't know how to use the slide.

fenderfunker · #17 02-25-2010, 10:59 PM

Q: Difference between a trombone and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

mongo2 · #18 02-26-2010, 06:36 AM

Q: What's perfect pitch with a trombone?
A: Getting it in the dumptster without hitting the sides.

Q: What's the range of a trumpet?
A: Twenty yards with a tail wind.

Q: What's the difference between a dog walking in a bar and a trombonist walking in a bar?
A: The dog has a gig.

Q: What do you do when a drummer knocks on your door.
A: Give him the money and take the pizza.

Q: How do you know it's a singer knocking at your door?
A: They're coming in late and they've lost the key.

I'm here all week, try the veal.

SMILEYSIXX · #19 03-27-2010, 02:30 AM

How do you know when a lousy drummer's at your door? The knocking speeds up

vlado · #20 03-27-2010, 03:11 AM

A band plays a wedding gig.
The guitarist is thinking:
I like the blond one, but the black one seems to be interested, she keeps staring at me, I'll wait for the next break and see if I can do something... Oh, no there's also this redhead, God, she's awesome...
The keyboard player is thinking:
OK, now, I take a 100 here, a 100 next week and hopefully fifty for that beach cocktail party on Tuesday and with what I've already saved I can buy that new cool software that I've seen the commercials for...
The drummer is thinking:
S***, I'm playing here with these losers on this F***ed wedding party, I could have stayed with my cousin, he's playing all those biker's gatherings, they kick asses with all that Motorhead and AC/DC stuff...
The bassist is thinking:
CCGGCCDD