Funny retorts to know-all-instrument guitarists?

[chrispy212]

I a getting a little frustrated by the ignorance of guitarisits in bands I play, and am starting to feel a little speechless from some of their comments!
Recently, one of the bands I play in decided to totally rearrange the setup for something different. I ended up on guitar, and the lead ended up behind my bass. Fine.
Except he was, like most lead guitarists, under the impression that since he plays guitar, he also plays better, but better than I do.
In another band I play, my brother is the guitarist. He also plays drums, although not in the band, and sings. He also has decided that the complexity of guitar gives him default 'bass god' status.

What do you say to somebody who things bass is for people that can't play guitar? Because I am running out of retorts! My bands are a good laugh, so as long as it doesnt insult them deeply, I'd love to see their reactions! These can be witty, clever, genuine, generally the kind of thing you would say if your guitarist had the attitude that he was better than you simply because he plays guitar.

[Foamy]

Here's one I use....

Yeah, I know. I was just playing it in tune.

[Lalabadie]

"Yeah sure, four strings is easier. Just like violin"
"Oh, I see you try to play lead bass"

But honestly, if they think bass is useless, I'd tend to say "Fine, do without it" and just leave the band.

[RBradley]

a good one i use is "**** you, you play Guitar. Not Bass. Different Instrument, Different Roles, Different Styles."

then promptly plant your foot beteen there legs

[Bass Mule]

Here's something you can do:

Rise above it. Ignore their comments. Keep playing music, on guitar OR bass, and enjoy it. Then, when you're older and reflect upon your youth, you won't ever regret acting like a j@ck@ss when you were younger.

[OriginalCrash]

You could always just say, with a dead-straight face, "that's cool, if you think that playing guitar automatically means you can play bass well... then you're a bad bassist." They'll either shut up or it'll open up the chance for you to very simply explain the many differences between the two instruments...

Either that or you could just take up playing the harp. "What's that? You only play six strings? Man, that must be easy..."

Brian

[Bass Mule]

Originally Posted by OriginalCrash

Either that or you could just take up playing the harp. "What's that? You only play six strings? Man, that must be easy..."

or switch to piano, preferably a grand, with the top open all the time, so everyone can see all 88 keys, and 220 strings. Then you can say, "What? Your instrument doesn't weigh 1,000 lbs?"

[chrispy212]

Rise above it. Ignore their comments. Keep playing music, on guitar OR bass, and enjoy it. Then, when you're older and reflect upon your youth, you won't ever regret acting like a j@ck@ss when you were younger.

Hey calm down there! I never said I wanted to act like a jackass, it's all very tongue and cheek. Except when you hear it enough, you can't help but start to beleive it, no matter how much they are jokin!
Oh, and I do already play piano.

if they think bass is useless

Oh god no they are way too intelligent for that (Unlike my friends, as I am sure you all experience, asking me "So exactly which part IS the bass?" "I really can't hear bass on songs" and the all time favourite "Yeah you might get nervous, but it doesnt matter as much if you screw up does it?"). The guitarist just occasionally gives the vibe that the only reason I am there is because they would feel wasted on bass. Actually no, thats a bit strong and probably my own paranoia.

But ye, some great ones there. Learn harp... interesting idea... irrelevant, but interesting...!

Rhythm guitarists I like! Rhythmist says to lead (after lead attempts and improv'd bass solo which sounds more out of place than billy connely doing his routine in a mosque) "Johnny, I am so glad you aren't a bassist!"

[meev991]

This one always works

"Oh really? You know what's easier than bass? Your mother knows the answer"

and then say "I didn't know your mom was left handed"

ZING

that'll keep him quiet while you jam his speaker cone with a mechanical pencil

[Pilgrim]

I tell them: You know what Mark Twain wrote to someone who sent him a nasty letter? He sent them a letter saying "Dear Sir or Madam, you may be right."

And they can think that over.

I'm not prone to being rude to people I think enough of to play in a band with...although I could be inspired, I suppose.

[ric1312]

Originally Posted by chrispy212

I a getting a little frustrated by the ignorance of guitarisits in bands I play, and am starting to feel a little speechless from some of their comments!
Recently, one of the bands I play in decided to totally rearrange the setup for something different. I ended up on guitar, and the lead ended up behind my bass. Fine.
Except he was, like most lead guitarists, under the impression that since he plays guitar, he also plays better, but better than I do.
In another band I play, my brother is the guitarist. He also plays drums, although not in the band, and sings. He also has decided that the complexity of guitar gives him default 'bass god' status.

What do you say to somebody who things bass is for people that can't play guitar? Because I am running out of retorts! My bands are a good laugh, so as long as it doesnt insult them deeply, I'd love to see their reactions! These can be witty, clever, genuine, generally the kind of thing you would say if your guitarist had the attitude that he was better than you simply because he plays guitar.

I've said this both joking and with a dead serious face.

"yes, bass is technically easier to play most songs on. So, what. In literally five minutes I could pick up a local musicans magazine and have five guitar players lined up to take your place and many would probably be better than you. You simply can't say that about bass.

So, who is more valuable as a musician the guy who can be replaced without a sweat, or the guy the rest of band is always having a hard time finding?

So, technically I, as a bass player, hold more value in most projects than a guitar player."

P.S. I don't think bass or guitar is really that hard unless you are talking about hyper technical prog stuff. Anyone who acts like they are some super talent because they can play some songs on either needs a reality check. If it were so hard there woudn't be so many people doing it.

[chrispy212]

Ric, thats great! Not the kind of thing I would really say to my mates, but certainly funny in concept!

[Diggler]

My guitarist has tried to play bass but he was surprised by the different technique and rhythm that's required to play. He's not used to 'locking in' with the drums. After 20 years of guitar, it goes completely against his style and would be hard to adapt to.

[Phalex]

My old guitar player loved to fiddle around with my bass. He was actually kind of good. He had good feel, and groove, but was prone to playing a lead here and there.

My current guitar player, is IMHO a guitar God! He admits that he can't play bass. He's tried it, and it just doesn't sound good when he does it.

Personally, I don't really care one way or another. If the guitar guy thinks he an awesome bassist, I would tend to agree with him. "That was great man! I've never seen anyone play the bass quite like that!" What do I care?? He isn't going to steal my job, and truth be told, I could find another gig pretty quickly.

[HaVIC5]

To shut up any egotistical guitarists, I'm never without my 7-string. I love saying, "Well look at that, I guess I'm a string better than you."

[dave_bass5]

I have used in the past "what, you cant play bass either?" or "Once you learn how to play your guitar you can have a go on my bass" But generally i threaten my guitarist with "if you want to play my bass ill have a go on your guitar". He hates anyone touching it.

[2manband]

I like to just show them that I can play the guitar - not a wankfest shredder, but perfectly capable of getting the job done for most songs in most band settings.

I don't play bass because it's easier, I play bass because I like it better.

[Rattman]

Originally Posted by Bass Mule

Here's something you can do:

Rise above it. Ignore their comments. Keep playing music, on guitar OR bass, and enjoy it. Then, when you're older and reflect upon your youth, you won't ever regret acting like a j@ck@ss when you were younger.

Don't give in to the anger you feeling.. like I have more than once in band situations. It will get you absolutely no where fast. Straight up.. this will pass, you will live, you will survive, and not only that believe it or not: it will even be funny to you someday.

[Hoover Johnson]

Originally Posted by Lalabadie

"Yeah sure, four strings is easier. Just like violin"
"Oh, I see you try to play lead bass"

But honestly, if they think bass is useless, I'd tend to say "Fine, do without it" and just leave the band.

Hehe, I gave my last band a free sample of that. They were ripping on me left, right and centre about how useless and unnecessary bass is and then told me to shut up when I was retuning for the next song. I just put down my bass, sat down and laughed at how weak and hollow they sounded for the rest of the practise.

After an hour, they were gagging for it; too bad for them I kept silent for the remaining 4 hours.

[The Crimson Eye]

I typically let the guitarist I jam with go at my bass, leave for twenty minutes, come back to laugh at the fact that they got nothing done at all as the drummer couldn't work off of anything he did.

My favorite thing is when he is completely oblivious to the drummer being completely lost while he thinks he is doing some great bassline (just a guitar solo slowed down, without any rhythm or structure). That always gives me a great laugh.