Funny retorts to know-all-instrument guitarists?

[BassAvenger1]

tell them as soon as they can slap, pop, strum, fingertap and ghost note all the major and minor scales on the bass then they have the right to talk smack, but untill then they should shut up and listen to get an education!!!

[brothertupelo]

cockpunch

[BassAntix]

I just pull down my pants and ask them to pluck the "B" string,
B is a nickname of mine, I find its the best retort