GF in band part II

[PopaWoody]

Well, I guess it's time to eat some crow. If you read this So I asked my GF to front my band thread. You might remember how cool it was and how invincible we thought we were.

Last night I had to let our drummer and guitarist go. Drama started to get out of control after our April 7th gig. It started with the guitarist threatening to quit the band because I earmarked the gig money to pay for our studio. Even though we had agreed on this prior to the gig. His wife pulled the YOKO move on us, "you need to be paid or you have to quit".

I don't really understand why when things start going well, bands implode. We always laid everything out on the table, made absolutely no decisions without their input. When we decided we needed to change band names, everyone seemed to agree. Then the next week, I get grief and noise about it.

I can't really say anything bad about our former drummer, other than he sided with the guitarist on the whole band name deal.

Another relevant thread topic.

It was like what was mentioned in the GF fronting band thread. We became two sides instead of a cohesive team. My personal belief is that the guitarist's wife put the drama wheels in motion.

Anyway Robin and I are still together, with as much respect and admiration for each other as day one. We are actually looking forward to putting the last month of 5hit behind us. Already have a solid drummer lined up that promised us a guitarist in time for our next gig.

Fingers crossed!

[MatticusMania]

Hope all works out for you! Be sure to divulge to any new bandmates of your relationship to each other. Also be sure to let them know that just because you two are a couple, that it does not necessarily mean you will always take each others side on any given issue. Again, hope all works out!

[TheVoiceless]

Well I am dealing with a similar situation. Not one but TWO married couples in my group. One very stable, band leaders. Other couple has been on the rocks before joining the band, unknown to the band, and we are trying to salvage the husband and ditch the wife. He would be harder to replace and was the first too join. Sucks because we have a great line up and the ball is rolling. That's what happens when relationships happen between band members.

But to put it in perspective, bands that don't couples fight and break up just as much. I feel every band has its expiration date.

[NOAH_FX]

Their's a big difference between introducing your Girlfriend to the band and everything that came(s) with that, than replacing members who are coming into an already established band. When they join, they know your together. They've already made peace with that or why join right?

So as long as everything's good between you too, I say it should go better than before at the very least.

P.S

I can see why your drummer would kinda stay on the guitarists side, in his mind it probably became 2 V 1 V 1 and he was just trying to even the odd's a little.

Either way, goodluck!

[jive1]

Originally Posted by PopaWoody

Last night I had to let our drummer and guitarist go. Drama started to get out of control after our April 7th gig. It started with the guitarist threatening to quit the band because I earmarked the gig money to pay for our studio. Even though we had agreed on this prior to the gig. His wife pulled the YOKO move on us, "you need to be paid or you have to quit".

I can understand the wife. In some situations, band stuff has to contribute to the family. If I had to spend the evenings alone with a screaming kid and housework after working a day job, while my wife was out playing every weekend and practicing during the week, and I got nothing out of it, it would wear on me.

My guess is that the guitar player was fine with it until he talked to the wife, and when she didn't take it well, he had to take the side of his wife. Even though I deal with marital and family issues related to me being in a band, I also don't consider my wife to be a Yoko if she has priorities for the family that clash with the music. There's a difference between my wife telling me that I'm the star and that I should leave a band that's holding me back, and saying that I need to spend more time with my kid because he's getting harder to handle.

I don't really understand why when things start going well, bands implode. We always laid everything out on the table, made absolutely no decisions without their input. When we decided we needed to change band names, everyone seemed to agree. Then the next week, I get grief and noise about it.

Because when nothing is going on, nothing is at stake. As a band begins to develop, things start to be at stake and people have to deal with consequences. Until this time, it's all theory and you can put it off, but when a band takes off, it becomes reality and you have to deal with it.

It was like what was mentioned in the GF fronting band thread. We became two sides instead of a cohesive team. My personal belief is that the guitarist's wife put the drama wheels in motion.

It could be, but once you brought your girlfriend in you created the 2 sides. Even if it's not actually there, it can still be perceived as real. It's a tricky thing.

Anyway, best of luck to you. I think it's going to be hard to not have people sense a 2 sided thing joining a band that has a couple in it, but if you conduct yourself in a fair and professional manner, they will see it over time.

[natw42]

Originally Posted by TheVoiceless

I feel every band has its expiration date.

Quoted for truth! Well said Troy.

[imjustagoyle]

Originally Posted by jive1

I can understand the wife. In some situations, band stuff has to contribute to the family. If I had to spend the evenings alone with a screaming kid and housework after working a day job, while my wife was out playing every weekend and practicing during the week, and I got nothing out of it, it would wear on me.

My guess is that the guitar player was fine with it until he talked to the wife, and when she didn't take it well, he had to take the side of his wife. Even though I deal with marital and family issues related to me being in a band, I also don't consider my wife to be a Yoko if she has priorities for the family that clash with the music. There's a difference between my wife telling me that I'm the star and that I should leave a band that's holding me back, and saying that I need to spend more time with my kid because he's getting harder to handle.


Because when nothing is going on, nothing is at stake. As a band begins to develop, things start to be at stake and people have to deal with consequences. Until this time, it's all theory and you can put it off, but when a band takes off, it becomes reality and you have to deal with it.



It could be, but once you brought your girlfriend in you created the 2 sides. Even if it's not actually there, it can still be perceived as real. It's a tricky thing.

Anyway, best of luck to you. I think it's going to be hard to not have people sense a 2 sided thing joining a band that has a couple in it, but if you conduct yourself in a fair and professional manner, they will see it over time.

This is all very good, sound advice and I think you're right.

The difference in this situation (with the wife) is that they have no children. That's not to say that the money isn't important, of course.

</girlfriend in aforementioned band>