The gig that got away

TheVoiceless · #1 08-23-2011, 11:36 AM

Wanted to share a depressing story. Misery loves company so please add your stories.

I've been busting my butt pretty hard learning songs and making gigs for my current project. So when we were offered a private party for a well know pro athlete I was super excited.

Well the date was moved to a date I am a best man in my friends wedding. Of course I can't bail on my friend. But its a hard pill to swallow for a few reasons.

They are looking for a sub for the night. Which I totally support. But its killing me knowing that some sub gets the " glory " gig. Besides its twice our usual pay. If it was a regular night, oh well. But this show meant a lot to me. Kind of the pinnacle of my and the band's hard work. And I can't be there for it.

I am really, really, reallllly bummed about this one.

Waffles and Scotch · #2 08-23-2011, 11:43 AM

That really sucks! I'd give you that "everything happens for a reason" line but you'd probably try to e-punch me through my monitor. And I wouldn't blame you.

Ironderby · #3 08-23-2011, 11:46 AM

That must feel bad man

but, at the end of the day with this project, im assuming its you that came up with all the basslines...not this sub, he/she/ isnt adding a new dynamic to the band, they are just covering what you wrote

so even if they do get glory, you'll return after and people will realise it was you who created them funky lines.

**lowfreqgeek** · #4 08-23-2011, 11:56 AM

I recently got a call for a road gig in Denver with a friend named Matt Jones (dude in the middle in my avatar). I love playing with Matt, but I'm his sub - his regular bassist is his best friend and I can't and won't try to usurp his relationship with his regular bassist.

Anyway, I had another gig booked that night that I'd rather have not played, but my word is my word and I had to turn down a weekend road-trip to Denver because of it.

On the upside, that band I was playing with that night is doing well and getting higher-profile gigs - including opening for Fishbone in November. I'd still love to do some road gigs with Matt, though...

HeadyVan Halen · #5 08-23-2011, 12:04 PM

Is there an open bar at the wedding?
If Yes, problem solved.
If No, problem becomes issue.

hdracer · #6 08-23-2011, 12:12 PM

I would find a sub for the wedding.
A Pro does his job.

Sneakypete · #7 08-23-2011, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hdracer

I would find a sub for the wedding.
A Pro does his job.

I don't think so - gigs come and go and in a lifetime of pro or semi-pro work there are bound to be glitches. The OP has made proper provision for the gig and so has fulfilled that obligation but the obligation to the friend can't be subbed out!

name44 · #8 08-23-2011, 01:09 PM

This is a good reason to advance research in cloning.

Rockmusician · #9 08-23-2011, 01:14 PM

Several years ago, I had a high profile gig on the same night as my brother's wedding. I went to the wedding and left after pictures of the wedding party were taken. Then I made the 2 1/2 hour ride to the gig. Did the show and drove back so I could have breakfast the next morning with the wedding party. After breakfast, I drove another 2 hours to the next gig.

Spinal Tapper · #10 08-23-2011, 02:33 PM

First, see if it's even possible to make it to both "gigs"...probably not though, huh?

I've been through this exact thing, man. I feel ya.

I had one gig my band booked after I had already bought plane tickets to a close friend's wedding that same weekend, but they couldn't turn down the gig once it was offered.
I don't blame them for taking it - kinda like yourself. It was a college-hosted event and there were to be 8,000 screaming kids and our band was to open for a major label national act that night. Personal security, booze, VIP tents, big pay, signing autographs, chicks everywhere...all that stuff.

I had a lot of the same feelings when I found out they were hiring a sub for it: jealousy, envy, depression, regret. I had to teach the "new" bassist (a guitarist friend of ours) all my parts. I was sure they'd replace me with him, as he was a better musician, taller, better looking, and cooler than me. But you know what? They didn't.

I actually sat in a gig for HIS band just this past weekend - I had 3 weeks to learn the material. The funny thing is, we joked about the time he sat in for me and only had a few weeks to learn our stuff.

And I'm sure glad I didn't bail on my friend's wedding trip when she needed me.

TheVoiceless · #11 08-23-2011, 02:47 PM

Well I am in the process of finding out if doing both is possible. Its less then a 20min drive from the wedding. And without knowing exact times to both the party or wedding, I would assume that I could do the wedding ( say 4-6pm start time ) and then leave for the gig ( say 9-10 ) start time.

Honestly I would feel like a complete dewfuss doing that to my friends. But I can't lie and say I won't be happy if I know I can be at the gig sitting at the wedding.

I appreciate the responses.

winndaddy · #12 08-23-2011, 03:30 PM

Hope it all works out for ya man!

rtslinger · #13 08-23-2011, 03:38 PM

[quote=hdracer;11377477]I would find a sub for the wedding.
A Pro does his job. Sub for the Wedding???? he is the best man!
Sorry to hear all your hard work fell through but it is still your band and hopefully it will lead to bigger gigs in the future for you. I admire you for not bailing on you best friend! RTS

RustyAxe · #14 08-23-2011, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheVoiceless

But its killing me knowing that some sub gets the " glory " gig.

Yeah, missin' the payday is a bummer. But glory? Your band is hired help, and will be treated no better than the catering crew. They won't be partying with the crowd between sets. You ain't missin' too much.

TheVoiceless · #15 08-24-2011, 07:57 AM

Thanks again for the kind words of support. Its amazing how many people actually want to see someone fail. Had a co-worker grin at me as I told him of my situation. I know its not the end of the world, but its a big thing in MY world.

Doing both is out of the question. Because of time reasons and it would be the wrong thing to do. And found out it is not the gig I thought it was. Its not a private party for a Pro Athlete. Its a "corporate event " in which said Pro was asked to be in attendance. And apparently he will not be there. Which makes it an easier pill to swallow.

Based on my past experience with this band, we will get at least one more " Corporate " gig from that night. And hopefully that will be my pay day so to speak.

P. Aaron · #16 08-24-2011, 08:53 AM

I occasionally do a sit-in gig for a local lady. They are fun, artistic and they involve her originals. I agreed to do one such gig with her and of course about 6 days later, another band I am in gets offered an opening spot at a 'big name' club in town. No pay.

I stuck with my original commitment 'cause, the band found a sub who could learn the covers, neither gig paid, and I made the first commitment first.

I need a compelling reason to stiff somebody...this was not that occasion.

TheVoiceless · #17 08-24-2011, 09:48 AM

You did the right thing.

Being a " for hire " or shall I say someone that is not committed to only one project at a time, player is something I'm new too. In the past if a member of any of my original bands could not make the gig, then we did not play.

I guess its not so much a matter of " covers VS. originals " I think it has more to do with pro's VS. amateurs. Which I also feel is a blanket statement, because I can imagine some really pro bands not making gigs because they can't or won't find a sub. Like I doubt if Dave Grohl can't make a gig they would find a fill in. But I feel in the covers scene " subs " are a way of life. And I have learned to try and not take that personally. Even though it very much is. I'm sure many of good people have been replaced by their sub. I'm not fearing that, well not that much.

Quote:

Originally Posted by P. Aaron

I occasionally do a sit-in gig for a local lady. They are fun, artistic and they involve her originals. I agreed to do one such gig with her and of course about 6 days later, another band I am in gets offered an opening spot at a 'big name' club in town. No pay.

I stuck with my original commitment 'cause, the band found a sub who could learn the covers, neither gig paid, and I made the first commitment first.

I need a compelling reason to stiff somebody...this was not that occasion.

mcbosler · #18 08-24-2011, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TF Ghost

I'd give you that "everything happens for a reason" line but you'd probably try to e-punch me through my monitor.

Chocolate milk -> out the nose.

**Thor** · #19 08-24-2011, 11:16 AM

Being the best man is like being The Godfather, it is a big honor and speaks to how much your friend thinks of you.
I hope you accepted the obligation for the same reason.

So, sub out the gig and move on.

Your friend will be a wreck, pretty much. Your job is to smooth out all the rough edges. this means:

Getting him to the church sober. Early (on time basswise).

Keeping him away from any buttheads, male or female, that try to ruin the moment.

Curing the previous nights hangover.

Being sure, like my best man, that he doesn't drown in the ocean the previous night while bodysurfing or other stupid stuff.

Being sure he doesn't drive or get arrested for DUI.

Being sure he doesn't die from alcohol poisoning.

Being sure he is dressed properly, and presentable at the function.

Keeping the ring safe and available at the right moment.

Being sure he gets a steady supply of booze while he is making the rounds greeting the guests to keep him lightly oiled and sociable.

Making sure he eats at the reception.

Making sure he doesn't get hammered on shots at the reception so he's still got some mojo for the wedding night.

Composing a witty and funny toast that you can deliver without embarrassing the bride and groom and yourself. Keep it SHORT.

Basically, you take charge of his body at the rehearsal dinner or party the night before and once he is off with the wife from the reception, you are done. A lot of crap can go wrong in the interim and you have to run intereference on all of it or delegate someone to do it. All of this while making it look smooth and easy.

Good luck and have fun.

jive1 · #20 08-24-2011, 11:33 AM

I turned down 6 gigs this memorial day weekend, because it was my 10th wedding anniversary that weekend. One was opening for a national act and 2 were high dollar private/wedding gigs.

If you guys are good, and continue working at it, you'll have another good gig. But your best friend is only going to get married once (hopefully), and you should be there to spend the fun with him. Be with your best friend and friends having a good time as a guest of honor, or be at a party with a bunch of people you don't know being treated like the hired help. Easy choice, IMO.