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12-20-2007, 02:00 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Boise, ID USA | | | Guitard Jokes
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From the "Warning" thread (drummer/bass jokes) Quote:
We need to start a thread about guitarists.
Seriously.
| So, being a man of action, I'll start it.
Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 30. One to change it, and 29 to talk about how they could have done it better.
Q: How do you get a guitarist to play slower?
A: Put some sheet music in front of him.
Your turn.
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Vintage Bass Club Member #32, Fender Jazz Bass Club Member #117, Old Basstards #27, SX Club Member in Good Standing.
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12-20-2007, 02:27 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Finland | | | How do you confuse a guitarist?
Tell him which key the song you're playing is in.
(Has happened...)
__________________
Stingray Club #78
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12-20-2007, 02:46 PM
| | | | Q. Whats the similarity between a guitarist and a chain saw?
A. They both make a horrible noise when you plug them in.
Q. Why did the guitarist lose his girlfriend?
A. Because he was way too qucik and only thought abot him self |
12-20-2007, 02:50 PM
| | | | i do not have any guitar jokes however i have an alternative:
what do you call someone who hangs around musicians?
a drummer
i really think that has no basis in truth but is still hilarious |
12-20-2007, 02:59 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Silicon Valley, CA, USA | | | Q. What do you throw a drowning guitar player?
A. His amp.
Q. How many guitarists does it take to play a Stevie Ray Vaughan song?
A. All of them, apparently.
and this not-really-a-guitar-player-joke:
Did you hear about the guitarist who locked his keys in the van? It took 2 hours to get the drummer out.
__________________
More GAS than talent or patience.
Crappy Bassist with Expensive Gear Club #19 • Official fEARful Club #62 (15/6/1)
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12-20-2007, 03:01 PM
| | | | I wish I could find the book, but my guitarist told me about this.
In the FAQ section of a book about sound and stage presence
Q) It's difficult to hear the vocals in the mix, what can I do to fix?
A) Tell the guitarists to turn down.
Q) There's too much distortion, how can I fix?
A) Tell the guitarists to turn down. |
12-20-2007, 03:06 PM
| | | Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave R  From the "Warning" thread (drummer/bass jokes)
So, being a man of action, I'll start it. | Why, I feel so flattered. 
>.>
So on this one concert we were playing metal, and near the end some drunkard spills his beer on my amp in the middle of a song, so I wasn't able to play for the rest of the gig. The crowd notices and gets upset, when the guitarist asks "Why are they so angry all of a sudden?"
__________________
Fretless club member #19 Quote:
Originally Posted by Tired_Thumb If I'm playing with my smooth jazz group, I lay back in the pocket. If I'm playing my own experimental metal, I am the pocket. | |
12-20-2007, 05:44 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: england | | | Q: whats the difference between a guitar and a lawnmower
A: you can tune a lawnmower
Q: whats the difference between a guitarist and a trampouline
A: you take your shoes off to jump on a trampouline
Q: what happens when a guitarist takes viagra?
A: he gets taller
Q: why dont guitarists play hide and seek?
A: because no one will look for them
__________________
so long and thanks for all the fish
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12-20-2007, 07:18 PM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Vortex of sin and degradation | | | What do you get if you throw a guitarist and his guitar off the
Empire State Building?
... Applause
What do you call a guitarist without a wife or girlfriend?
... Homeless
What's the difference between a guitarist and an insurance
policy?
... The policy will eventually
mature and earn an income
How do you make a guitarist play quieter?
... Put a sheet of music in front of him
How do you make him stop?
... Put notes on it
What's the difference between an Uzi and an guitar?
... The Uzi stops after 20 rounds |
12-20-2007, 07:31 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Vortex of sin and degradation | | I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it
is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I
say, "I think I might have written that."
-- Steven Wright |
12-20-2007, 11:45 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Finland | | | A music related joke I came up with during a concert:
What did the fermata say when he saw a repetition mark in Schubert's 9th symphony?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
__________________
Stingray Club #78
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12-21-2007, 04:32 AM
| | | | Q: What's the range of a guitar?
A: However far you can throw it. |
12-21-2007, 08:18 AM
|  | Evil Alien | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Sacramento, CA | | | hehee i wonder what basstard jokes they tell on guitar forums....
__________________
Hollowbody Bass Club #121, Hondo Club #002, Official Short Scale Bass Club #018, Short-Scale Six-String Bass Club #001, Epiphone Club #010, can't recall what other clubs I'm a member of here...
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12-21-2007, 08:24 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Montreal Canada | | | 270 IQ You must be an astronaut
230 IQ You must be a nuclear scientist
210 IQ You must be a Doctor
25 IQ You must play a Lespaul |
12-21-2007, 08:26 AM
|  | Registered User | | | | | "Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Guitarist"
<end of joke>
__________________
Jason
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12-21-2007, 08:34 AM
| | Thor's Hammer 2.1.3beta | | Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: South Houston, TX | | Quote:
Originally Posted by lunarpollen hehee i wonder what basstard jokes they tell on guitar forums.... | They have a hard enough time remembering we exist, much less making jokes about us...
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by spade2you ...Too many anti-gun people messin' with Texans. I hear they get guns in their Happy Meals down there. :p | Lefty Union Member #110 Carvin Club Member #14
Texas Bassist Club FOUNDER
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12-21-2007, 10:14 AM
|  | Supporting Member | | Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Dallas | | | Q: What's the difference between a banjo & a ukulele?
A: It only takes you half as long to burn a ukulele
Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They won't touch anything electric.
Q: How do you make a guitars players car more aerodynamic?
A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.
Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and a pizza ?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: How do you get an guitar player off your front step ?
A: Pay for the pizza.
Q: What do you call two electric guitarists trying to play in unison?
A: Counterpoint.
Q: What is the first sign you're Halluncinating?
A: Two electric guitar players are playing in tune.
Q: What do you call in "in-tune electric guitar"?
A: An oxymoron.
Q: What do you call a "Clean Shot"?
A: When you can throw an electric guitar into the toilet without hitting the seat.
Q: How do you get 2 electric guitar players to play in perfect unison ?
A: Shoot one of them.
Q: What's the difference between an Electric Guitar and an onion ?
A: No one cries when you cut up an Electric Guitar.
Q: Why does an Electric Guitar Player leave his case on the dashboard ?
A: So he can park in the handicapped zone.
Q: If you were lost in the forest, who would you trust for directions?
1. Santa Claus,
2. An in-tune Heavy Metal player,
3. An out-of-tune Heavy Metal Player.
A: 3. Choice 1 and 2 indicate that you're hallucinating.
Q: How do you make a chain saw sound like an Electric Guitar ?
A: Add vibrato.
Q: How do you tell if an electric guitar is out of tune ?
A: If the strings are vibrating.
Q: How do you make an electric guitar sound like an acoustic guitar ?
A: Sit in back and don't play.
Q: What's the difference between an Electric Guitar player and a dog ?
A: The dog knows when to stop Howling.
Q: What's the difference between a Electric Guitar and an Acoustic Guitar?
A: The Electric Guitar burns longer.
Q: Why did the bass player get angry with the lead guitarist?
A: The lead guitarist turned a string and wouldn't say which one.
Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and a Porsche ?
A: Most musicians have never been a Porsche.
Q: How does a Lead Guitarist change a lightbulb ?
A: He holds it and the world revolves around him.
Q: If you drop an Electric Guitar Player and a watermelon off a tall building, which would hit the ground first ?
A: Who cares ?
__________________
Hollowbody Bass #4 | Washburn Bass #2 | 5 Sting Bass #39 | Texas Bass #19 | Church Bass #120 | Dean Bass #4 | Fretless Bass #160| SR Club #156 |
12-21-2007, 02:07 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Las Vegas Nv. | | | How do you know when a guitard is about to say something intelligent? When he starts his sentence with "A bass player once told me."
Why don't women guitards breast feed their babies? It hurts when they boil their nipples.
Why did the blonde have bruises on her navel? Her boyfriend was a guitard. |
12-21-2007, 09:50 PM
| | | | What's the difference between a blues guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A blues guitarist plays 3 chords in front of a million people, but a jazz guitarist plays a million chords in front of 3 people.
__________________
Fretless club member #19 Quote:
Originally Posted by Tired_Thumb If I'm playing with my smooth jazz group, I lay back in the pocket. If I'm playing my own experimental metal, I am the pocket. | |
12-21-2007, 10:18 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Suburbs of Chicago | | Quote:
Originally Posted by DistantTremor What's the difference between a blues guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A blues guitarist plays 3 chords in front of a million people, but a jazz guitarist plays a million chords in front of 3 people. | 
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