Help me with a 500 word essay to get audition!

[steveksux]

Basement Band, hoping one day to play a gig for more than 10 people, need a pro bass player. You MUST be between 25 and 26 years old, and have red hair. Must Play a Rickenbacker 6-String Bass with Light Guage Strings. Must Have the Chops of Victor, Stanley, Steve Harris and Jaco down pat. Must have at least a 2 page resume of pro experience. Oh yes, you must know The Ramones entire catalog. Please send resume, photos, tapes, and a 500 word essay on why we should let you even try out for our band, which will be opening for Ozzy this summer.

Thanks,

Basement Band

From Craigslist... http://detroit.craigslist.org/muc/1104192623.html

Thanks in advance...

Randy

[Rob Lewis]

The Ramones are a particularly tough call for the bass player...

[Stinsok]

Just hurl a grenade into that basement and leave.

[cmewhinney]

I would talk about how Victor and Jaco were good and all, but your main influence is Danny Bonaduce.

[LedBelli Bass]

Makes you wonder what some people are thinking . . .

I wish they coulda been more specific about their needs.

Let's see . . . between 25 and 26 years old . . . THAT WOULD BE 25 WOULDN'T IT??!!

[ashtray]

Do they even make a 6 string Rick bass? I think they're looking for someone very specific - ie, someone they already know. Otherwise good luck finding a person that meets all those requirements!

"hope to play for more than 10 people some day"
"we're opening for Ozzy this summer"

Didn't realize Ozzy was doing so bad these days!

[LedBelli Bass]

Basement Band, hoping one day to play a gig for more than 10 people . . .

That'll attract a pro for sure!

. . . will be opening for Ozzy this summer.

From less than 10 to over 10,000 in 3 months! Whoo hoo!

[jgroh]

Didnt know you needed to have the chops of victor and jaco to play Ramones music...guess I learned something. And, I thought I heard Ozzy on Howard the other day saying he isnt touring this year, he has that variety show going on and he was supposed to be off for a year. I could be wrong though.

And, I havent seen a six string Ric, at least not one that just anyone would have. Maybe a custom made jobber for Chris Squire lol

[Ubersheist]

Hey - Basement Band sounds really good! Check 'em out!

I'm not sure how The Ramones or Steve Harris fit into their Alt-Country/Folk sound, and the commute to New York seems like a stretch, but...

[butchblack]

Originally Posted by Ubersheist

Hey - Basement Band sounds really good! Check 'em out!

I'm not sure how The Ramones or Steve Harris fit into their Alt-Country/Folk sound, and the commute to New York seems like a stretch, but...

You should write your essay on how they are going to have to change their name due to a NYC alt/country newgrass band with the same name

[LedBelli Bass]

Originally Posted by Stinsok

Just hurl a grenade into that basement and leave.

My favorite . . .

[themadpiper]

EPIC FAIL... on the part of anyone who takes this seriously.

[Jimmy Bones]

It's obviously posted in jest.

[xgator4u]

Originally Posted by Stinsok

Just hurl a grenade into that basement and leave.

YUP I second that nomination,,, all in favor ?

[gribuski]

Are they going to they a background check, too? References? What about a drug screen? I can see it now:

"Sorry, you didn't test positive for pot...you can't be in our cool band."


Man would I ever try to get in on that audition, though, just to see what they're all about. I want to meet these cats: they're the most sarcastic cats ever, or the biggest tools ever (or both). Either way, my curiosity is piqued. Of course, I've lead on one of those "I'm a rich king in Nigeria who needs someone to help me transfer $1,000,000 to the States" e-mail guys, just to see what they say next.

[DoomandHeavy]

I like how they demand that you have red-hair. This is either a horrible joke or thats a horrible band.

[Pilgrim]

The term "Wankers" was invented for the group this ad describes.