Hilarious! It only hurts because its true.

[engedi1]

I just came across this on the Nashville Craigslist and just had to share. I think all bass players can relate to most of these points at one time or another. Enjoy!

Common Musician Phrases Translated:

1. I have a PA. (translation) You will have to meet me at the gig 4 hours early to set it up and follow me to the band room at 5:00 AM to unload
it and not get paid for it.

2. I have a killer practice room and a PA. (translation) It’s my band. You are joining me. So, I pick
all the songs we are going to play and you have no say in it. If you
don’t like it, go rent your own band room. And PA.

3. I am working on a top secret project due out in 2013. (translation) I am
jamming alone in my trailer waiting on Epic records to knock on my door
at anytime.

4. I am a huge Randy Rhoads fan. (translation) I am 45 years old and still have long hair and a funny shaped guitar.

5. We are having closed rehearsals in my band room, period! (translation) I don’t have a girlfriend, so don’t bring yours.

6. I am jamming with some killer musicians. (translation) Only one person answered my Bandtastic ad.

7. I have transportation. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

8. I found us a manager to manage our band. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

9. I can’t make practice tonight. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

10. We should get rid of that band member. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

11. I have professional gear. (translation) I have a M arshall stack and a Les Paul. And a girlfriend.

12. My band is going on tour. (translation) No clubs around here will
book us. So, we are going to play gigs in Gastonia that my girlfriend
booked with my PA.

13. We draw a good crowd. (translation) Everybody in the band has a girlfriend..

14. I am working on a concept album. (translation) I have a lot of little
riffs for song ideas I can’t seem to finish and they really don’t make
sense anyway.

15. I am looking for serious musicians who can commit to a band. (translation) I am an ******* and hard to work with
in a band. So, members usually quit after 2 months.

16. I am throwing an after-show party. (translation) I have a 12 pack in the fridge. When it’s gone, the party is over.

17. I am a local guitar legend. (translation) Finally, all the salesmen at Guitar Center know my name now.

18. Our band got a record deal. (translation) One of our band member’s parents loaned us $5,000.

19. That guy sucks on guitar. (translation) He's obviously better than me.

20. We had a killer gig. (translation) We made a $100 each.

21. I gave up playing hard rock to play more mature alternative rock. (translation) I’m going bald.

22. That band member was fired and now he’s trying to steal our songs. (translation) The guitar player quit.

[vibhas_2310]

hahahahaahahahahahahaa

[Infidelity]

LOL

[Ebelow]

Awesome! LOL thanks 4 sharing!

[pklima]

Heh, we had a somewhat similar thread about what those ads really mean a while back:

If bands looking for members were honest

[zachoff]

Oh, man... Good list. I think the "pro gear/pro attitude" thing bugs me the most.

[lousybassplayer]

Originally Posted by zachoff

Oh, man... Good list. I think the "pro gear/pro attitude" thing bugs me the most.

Me too. I am not a pro musician, but it seems to me that those that are wouldn't need to mention something like that. Why not try "has own equipment, mature attitude" or something like that?

[HeadyVan Halen]

"I am working on a concept album. (translation) I have a lot of little
riffs for song ideas I can’t seem to finish and they really don’t make
sense anyway."

-Me



"We had a killer gig. (translation) We made a $100 each."
-My band


"I am a local guitar legend. (translation) Finally, all the salesmen at Guitar Center know my name now."

-Me, again


Great stuff man...great

[alembicguy]

My favorite is
"we are serious musicians we dont do covers"
Translate to I cant figure songs out!

[jgroh]

Ha! I think I was told every single one of these sayings at one time or another!

[bassbully]

Funny stuff!

[interp]

Very, very funny!

[t0t0m]

LOL..very funny

[Von Felgenhauer]

so what if i dont have a license and my girlfriend drives me?lol

[jpTron]

All the "I have a gf" ones are hilarious

Originally Posted by alembicguy

My favorite is
"we are serious musicians we dont do covers"
Translate to I cant figure songs out!

Or cause cover bands are lame?

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by engedi1

7. I have transportation. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

8. I found us a manager to manage our band. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

9. I can’t make practice tonight. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

10. We should get rid of that band member. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

11. I have professional gear. (translation) I have a M arshall stack and a Les Paul. And a girlfriend.

12. My band is going on tour. (translation) No clubs around here will
book us. So, we are going to play gigs in Gastonia that my girlfriend
booked with my PA.

13. We draw a good crowd. (translation) Everybody in the band has a girlfriend..

LOL!

[JMac4strngr]

All completely true........ I have heard most of these before.......... Love the "jamming alone in my trailer" one, priceless....... Everytime I read one of these CL threads, I think about the band audition I went to back in the late 90's. Three mid 20's jerk-offs sitting in the drummer's parent's basement, making crappy music and drinking beer. Jam room littered with beer cans, KFC boxes, and dirty laundry. The jackasses wouldn't even help me unload my gear. Luckily I had my Girlfriend with me to carry my bass while I lumped my rig down the stairway of garbage........ As I have allready stated, True and priceless.... Kudos excellent thread!

[ribafish]

This is a great one:

"Bassist available. Will pretend to like any style as long as you're getting more than 3 gigs a year and I have a chance at getting some action."

[bassolp]

niceee ahahah cant stop laughing

[LilRay]

^^LOL!^^



Great thread.

God Bless, Ray