How to diss dumb blonde guitarists
 

I have a friend named Andre, and he plays guitar. I want to diss the **** out of him. So guitarist jokes go!

So is he your friend, or what? :confused:
If you want guitarist jokes, try a search. Just because there is a guitard stereotype doesn't mean that all guitarists are dumb. If he's someone you play with, don't diss him.

I play with him, but he disses me for being a bassist. Therefore, I want to counterattack.

You gotta tell us more detail. What kind of music does he like? Does he play solos? Does he love being too loud? How much does he hate Michel Teló and Buraka Som Sistema?

If he's a stereotypical guitarist, I'd center the assault on him having old-fashioned tastes, not knowing any music girls like, trying to invent a time machine to go back to 40 years ago when songs with guitar solos were still popular, and so on.

He is rhytm guitarist, and the best way to describe him is as a Slash fangirl. He says he doesn't want to be Slash, yet he has bought the same guitar, amp, and uses the same strings, picks, and settings as Slash.

All you should need to do is remind him that he plays RHYTHM guitar. That always pisses em off.

He's just picking on you because a rhythm guitarist justs backs up the lead guitarist. I bet he doesn't make jokes toward the lead guitarist, am I right? A band's bassist is technically "lead bass."

Also, I'm taking a guess that all the band members might be fairly young (late teens/20s?) I've seen all sorts of musician teasing while I was growing up. The jokes sort of disappeared as people grow older. It's also a matter of a maturing musician.

as long as it's all in fun....
i used to be in a 3 pc rock setup with a hugely talented guitarist with an even bigger ego (liked the musician, loved the music, was a good guy OUTSIDE the band environment, but the ego was ridiculous).

one year, for his birthday, the drummer and i put together a gig kit for him:
a massive bottle of aqua-net
a pair of jeans waaay to small for him
a "wife beater"
a package of finger cots (basically very, very small condoms)
a makeup mirror with a light on it, that we rigged up to affix to a mic stand
a hair pick, brush and comb that we made a mic stand sheath for
and last but not least.... a fake gift card for a chest wax and tanning sessions

all in fun and he knew it, but he got the message.

terrible quality video and recording (audio was actually a boom box in the middle of the jam spot) the bass line disappeared??!!??, but we all miss him terribly. drunken brawl over a girl. RIP, buddy. see ya on the other side, man. (and, ya we eventually got a singer, b/c i wanted to play more advanced bass lines and couldn't do vocal anymore, so some parts show us as 4 pc)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIIvrrlR0Tc

[to Ty, about Judge Smails] If he bothers you, I'll take care of him. What you've got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of his leg right at the bottom. He'll never play golf again, because his weight displacement goes back, all his weight is on his right foot, and he'll push everything off to the right. He'll never come through on anything. He'll quit the game.

Lots of guitarists are into the Slash tone and everything that goes with it.

Like some others suggest, I would stay on the higher road and not retaliate. The bass player should be (and often is) the most mature band member emotionally. Even most guitar players will admit this when pressed for an answer.

Indeed.

cmon man its called a good ole' ball busting.

There isn't such thing as a rhythm guitarist. If a guitarist has rhythm, he's good enough to play the bass instead.
Just to get you started, until you realize the exercise is vain.

Detune his guitar, every chance you get.

Put some sheet music in front of him.

Nah - close to 50 here and we still mess with each other. A band I play with as their regular sub bassist (and all are friends of mine as well, including the regular bassist that got me the job) played a great joke on the regular bass player. I did a "haunt" gig with them around Halloween and the location gave away a brand new iPad as part of a drawing. That had been publicized. BUT, we (the band) stood on stage with a hand out and had our picture taken. The lead singer also happens to be a graphic artist and he photo-shopped ipads into our hands, plus he had both hands out and photo-shopped a wad of cash into his other hand. We posted the "improved" pic to his Facebook page and told him we all got new ipads and made like $600 bucks in tips. I even offered to "give" him my ipad since he is the regular guy, but was like "no, you earned it". After about two weeks he figured out it was a joke and then the paybacks began. It's ALL in fun - IF you have the personalities that you can get away with stuff on.

THAT'S funny, I don't care who you are!

I give my my buddy crap all of the time. He is a really great guitarist. It usually goes like this,

Him: check this out. ( plays something awesome)
Me: Man, I saw a blind, one-armed, deaf girl who can play better than that.
Him: F%^$ You.

I just change the ailments of the person who plays better than he does every time.

Of course, he dishes it out too.

At band practice one day, the bass player returns from a bathroom break to find the guitarist and drummer having a screaming row. "What's going on here?" asks the bassist.

The guitarist yells "he detuned one of my strings when I wasn't looking!!!"

"Well," said the bass player, "it sounds like a harmless prank. Why don't you just tune it back up and move on?"

"He won't tell me which one!!!!!!"