Jokes

[mid_life_crisis]

I am not going to search through every joke thread looking for these, so forgive me if you've heard these before.

What's the difference between a large pizza and a bass player?
The large pizza can feed a family.


There are three men standing in line at the pearly gates.
St. Peter asks the first one, "what did you do for work?"
He replies, "I was a doctor at a charity hospital."
St. Peter waves him through the gates.
He asks the second man, "what did you do for work?"
"I was a teacher."
St. Peter waves him through the gates.
Asked the same question, the third man replies that he was a bassist.
St. Peter says, "go down the alley, take the side entrance, go through the kitchen and use the service elevator..."

[aerodyne1]

What do you never hear a drummer say? Hey guys lets play one of my originals. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Pay him for the pizza

[pie_man_25]

what do you do when you run over a pop singer? back up and make sure!

[fenderhutz]

augmented fifth: a 36-ounce bottle.

[Krispy]

What to do if you find a guitarist crawling across your lawn?

Shoot 'em again!

[plankspanker13]

The sentence least likely to ever be spoken in proper context:
"Hey, isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"

[JumboJack]

This is one of my faves...

Famous rich label wants to sign a band and comes to their show..

During the show the frontmans thinking "If we got signed and made it big I could have all the girls I want, red heads, brunettes, blondes.."

Drummer thinks " I could have my country house with all my drumsets up and I could practice whenever"

Guitarists thinks" I could buy any car I wanted, porches, lambos, ferraris"

Bassist thinks " A A A A-D D D D A A A A...."