Let me tell you how I can help your band............

[jive1]

So I think everyone has their stories about some blowhard to talks to the band and tells them a load of BS about how they can help your band. And in the end, all of it is just BS.

Not sure why folks do this. My theory is that they want to be "in" with the band. For some reason, I don't think lying is the best way to make friendships.


The first time something like this happened to me was in High School. We were playing a party and we played a couple of Blues tunes to fill out the night. Some guy in his 20s heard us and told us about all these connections he had to the Blues clubs in Chicago and that he'd love to be our agent and get us booked. He was 20 something, and we were 16, so we were all pumped about the opportunity. We scraped our money together for a demo, took photos, and all that to give to our "agent". Well the guy turned out to be a total loser, and we got nothing from him. At least we got a demo out of it, but we would have done it differently if we did it just for ourselves. But looking back, what kind of dude in his 20s hangs out at a HS party of 16-17 year olds. Meh.

So based on this, everytime when some drunkard talks up some crap, I pretend to take them seriously and make them show cards until they back off.
- One lady told me that she had a producer friend in Palm Springs who could hook us up with a CD. So I immediately asked for his number, and asked if he would be willing to fly us out. The conversation ended right there.

- Had another guy say he has ins to all these clubs in the area. I name some names, and ask him if he knows them, and he slinks away.

- Had one guy tell us he wants to be our "agent". I said fine, where do you plan to book us? He names some random names, and I say, oh so you know XXXXXX at the agency that books the place? And he looks at me like ????, and I give him a funny look and continue packing up my stuff.

And these are just a small sampling of the pure BS that I have heard in my over 20 years of the music biz.

So what are your stories?

[73jbass]

Had a similar situation a few months back. We had someone come talk to us about booking us at some "premier" clubs around the area for a small fee. When we asked about which clubs,she named off 4 clubs that we already had booked about once a month for the rest of the year. When we ask about money,she said 400.00 per night minus her fee. We get 500/night minimum already. So we politely said " no thanks".

[Phalex]

We had a gig at the Radisson (No! Not the Armada room!). And some guy was there that said his parents owned something like 7 or 8 Radisson hotels across the midwest, and he really wanted us to go "On Tour" of all these Radisson hotels in the tri-state area. He was dressed for the part, so we gave him a card and told us to give us a call. We're still waiting.

There was a guy at the same hotel (Different gig) that said he organized pub crawls and wanted to hire us for a boat load of money to play something he was lining up. So, we gave him a card and told him to give us a call. We're still waiting on that one too.

There was a guy who's father really did own the hall we were playing at. He was just obnoxious throwing his last name around like it meant something (It wasn't Devos or Van Andel, so who cares right?) and really really wanted to be my buddy because I was "So awesome".

There have been a few more "Promoter/agent"'s I've talked to, but I may have been drinking at the time......

[MatticusMania]

Ive come across a lot of losers who talk themselves up but can't back anything up. Like Phalex, I give them a card and never hear back. Not like I took them seriously in the first place.

Just last week my gf and her guitarist were out flyering a few local bars for a show we were playing together while I was at rehearsal. Some dude said he ran a karaoke thing at some other bar and that if the two girls would come down and sing it would lead to a lot of paying gigs. My gf just laughed at him and asked how singing karaoke was going to get her punk band gigs.

[Jason P Bass]

I once threw a 3 piece band together and we crashed an open mic show in Alexandria VA. It was one of the best performances of my life, and I've played in front of 3000+ people on a few occasions. The energy was awesome. We felt like rock stars.

We got off stage and some guy meets us for a drink, and he's talkin 90 miles a minute about how we could be huge, we've got great energy, a great look, lots of talent, blah blah. He should be our agent. But your band name is too long. You sweat too much. You don't play with any passion. You sing like you're out of breathe. Blah blah, proceeded to just cut us down.

A real *** moment. So we wrote a song about that event and themed it after the death and demise of our band. It was our first big hit! (to our friends...)

[jnuts1]

i get asked to play weddings, parties, bars, clubs every week. i give them my card & never hear from them again. ok, every once in a while they do pan out.

[Big Daddy Mac]

We had a guy introduce himself as an agent once. He was going to perform great miracles for us. He told us about all these great connections he had through some shameless name dropping. Well, we fell for it and actually invited him to our practice hall to hear all of our original stuff.
We soon discovered that this dirtbag just wanted to "get to know" our female singer more than just a little better. What a loser.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by Big Daddy Mac

We had a guy introduce himself as an agent once. He was going to perform great miracles for us. He told us about all these great connections he had through some shameless name dropping. Well, we fell for it and actually invited him to our practice hall to hear all of our original stuff.
We soon discovered that this dirtbag just wanted to "get to know" our female singer more than just a little better. What a loser.

Yup, it seems whenever there is a pretty girl in the band there is always some guy around with 'all these connections' who can 'do wonders for your band' when theyre really just trying to get a piece.

[jmorbita]

I hate to admit that our last "agent" was just like that... I don't know how we ever got to listen to him... at the time we thought we really needed to get a manager, and in walks this guy...
he only got us a couple of gigs, one of them with a band that played argentine folklore music (we play tech rock!). Then he just stop calling us.
in our defense, he was the manager of a couple more bands, so we were not the first to be fooled!

Not really related to the OP, years ago in university I met this guy that when he found out I was in a band started telling me how a couple of years ago he lived in london and recorded with morcheeba and with some producer guy dj lavelle (whom i'd never heard of before) he gave me a burnt copy of the "demo tape" he made with this guy. He was just about to make it big when his dad got sick and he had to come back to argentina, his dad is so bad now can't get out of his house or something like that.
I start listening to the cd, and i hear richard ashcroft singing, then thom yorke... I put the cd on my computer, the computer identifies the "demo" as UNKLE.
A couple of days later i see the guy in the parking lot, daddy picked him up in his car.
No idea how some people can come up with so much BS.

[MakiSupaStar]

I think some of these guys are just out to collect business cards.

[Warfender]

Just had one for a club in Hollywood and still waiting to hear back after he was nearly begging us at the show. again, a family owned/inherited club story.

[Codymb]

Man, I hear this B.S. all the time. There seems to be an endless supply of guys who have no talent or skills who want to leech off the talented and skilled.

A couple weekends ago my band was playing a gig at a venue we don't usually visit. After we played this guy approached us and told us about how he was a booking agent and how he could get us into the very exclusive "x venue." He was mildly convincing and might be able to fool the younger crowd, but we all caught on to his B.S. quickly. I wish you guys could have seen the look on his face when we informed him that his very exclusive "x venue" was in our home town and that we play there about once a month.

[jimc]

When I was playing back in England we had a guy regularly turn up to our gigs. He always looked dressed up and wore a long black leather jacket. We got to know him well enough to nod hello.

Anyhow it turns out he had been passing himself off as our manager and getting into all our shows for free! Once he was rumbled and had to pay we never saw him again

[St Drogo]

Carry a bloodstained ceremonial broadsword at all times. Just good sense. When someone asks to be your agent, make crazy eyes at them, start brandishing the blade slowly and tell him something like "Lord Vruulpuu demands we commune in blood before engaging in business relations. Bare your neck immediately!".

If you could get your bandmates to start chanting something like "YUUT-VR'OH! YUUT-VR'OH! HE IS VENGEFUL AND LIVES BETWEEN SPACE!", it'll work even better.

[Graham Monette]

Interesting. Not too sure what the point is for the majority of these encounters.

[Rick Auricchio]

Originally Posted by jimc

Anyhow it turns out he had been passing himself off as our manager and getting into all our shows for free! Once he was rumbled and had to pay we never saw him again

That, and trying to impress women at shows.

[steveksux]

Originally Posted by MatticusMania

Yup, it seems whenever there is a pretty girl in the band there is always some guy around with 'all these connections' who can 'do wonders for your band' when theyre really just trying to get a piece.

Imagine my horror when I discovered we didn't have any girls in the band!!!

Randy

[steveksux]

We had a guy last week, said we were great, yadda yadda, he was a singer. He sat in, more like one of the American Idol outtakes than a contestant.

Afterwards we're packing up, we're talking, he thinks he's better than our singer (who is very good, by the way, one of the best I've heard), and has connections, can get us gigs, with him singing. Talking about goals, he's thinking of touring, I'm like, not with me.. I have a good job, this is for fun. Buuuutttt, we'd be TOURING!!! What if we signed with a major label????? I'm sure you can find an even better bass player with national label interest and a tour coming up..

He was older too, 40's I'd say, absolutely ought to be able to comprehend the difference between a fantasy and reality. How many signed bands go nowhere. Tour a month or two and flame out. Break up. I'm giving up a good job, a career for that? Not like we're 20 and living in our parents basement...

He could not believe it...

Randy

[DanRJBrasil]

maybe she can get 500 a night but wants to keep that extra
$100 for herself, so she gets the 100+fee

Originally Posted by 73jbass

Had a similar situation a few months back. We had someone come talk to us about booking us at some "premier" clubs around the area for a small fee. When we asked about which clubs,she named off 4 clubs that we already had booked about once a month for the rest of the year. When we ask about money,she said 400.00 per night minus her fee. We get 500/night minimum already. So we politely said " no thanks".

[bassplayer8953]

Originally Posted by steveksux

Imagine my horror when I discovered we didn't have any girls in the band!!!

Randy

They're not all after GURLZZ!!