Me:1 Backline:0

[doctorpunch]

So we went on a small mini tour and the places were all different sizes and had different setups. We're headlining this first show and the promoter (who I've known for about 5 years) says we can play as long as we want, it's all about us, the club is ours for the night, blah blah blah.

The first place had the following listed on their backline: "GK 800RB bass head, Hartke 4 x 10” and 2 x 15” bass cabinets"

I get there and all it has is the Hartke 2x15(which in hindsight I think was actually a 2x12 by the diminutive size of it) so I ask the sound guy about the head and 4x10 cab and he tells me they're only supplying the 2x15 cab that night. For all I know it was in a closet.

Fine, I grab my head (SVT-4) and I ask him "Hey dude, I have my 8x10 in the trailer and I set up fast...can I use that?" He pretty much acted as if I could bone his mom..."NO! If you don't like it you can go home and not play!"

I look at the back of the cab and it's rated at 500watts....oh boy! I see this "cable" wrapped in red duct tape sticking out the back (no chance in hell I'm plugging this thing in) and grab my cable. I pull on the cable and...you guessed it...the cable comes out without the tip. I laughed a little as I pulled it out with a pair of needlenose pliers. The guitar players in the band are pretty much in tears at this point from laughing at my misfortune as they set up their full stacks.

Okay, I'm plugged in. The cabinet doesn't sound bad, a little farty but the PA will take care of what everyone in the club hears. It's a Halloween show so I strap on my costume: giant Woopie Cushion. Here's where my comedy career starts....

Now I gotta plug into the PA. He's in his booth thingy and I'm on stage so we have a conversation over the PA:

"Hey man, where's the bass DI?"
"There's a mic behind the cabinet"

Okay, maybe the last guy didn't have a DI and needed the mic. I unplugged the mic(which isn't on a stand, it clips onto the cabinet!) and lean to the back of my head and plug in.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PLUG THE MIC BACK IN!"
"It's cool man, I have a DI, do you want pre or post EQ?"
"JUST PLUG IT BACK INTO THE ***** MIC!
"You mean I have to mic this piece of ***?"

::laughter from pretty much the whole club, including a few bartenders and a bouncer::

I'm unplugging the head and I have to climb over a bunch of stuff to get the mic from behind the cabinet. Plugged it in..DOOF DOOF! OK.

"Hurry up! This is coming out of your set!"

From behind all the equipment I say into the cabinet mic: "We're headlining you d***squeeze! Everyone's here to see us!"

Everyone goes bonkers, I clip on the mic and we finally play.

3/4 through the set in between songs the lead guitar player says "Hey man, I think you left your distortion on" Nope. It's off. I go to the cabinet during the next song and it is making all sorts of noise. I lower my amp volume to pretty much nothing and during the last song....completely silent. I turn the volume up, nothing. Plug my bass directly in to the head, maybe I kicked a wire out or something, nothing.

We ended our set, load up and say our goodbyes to the promoter, other bands, fans, etc. The sound guy comes up to me and either he had a huge change of heart or, most likely, he got chewed out by the promoter and says "I'm sorry about giving you a hard time man, it's just how we do it here" to which I reply "Sorry about your cabinet chief" and we ride off to the next show, where I get to use my delicious 8x10 and 2x15 cabinets. The sound guy there was the man, he looked my rig and said "Holy ****! Do I even have to plug this thing in?"

[Spinal Tapper]

that's a good story! i can relate. sounds like you know your **** and this sound guy didn't have a clue. oh well, nothing sucks like worrying about a backline you're basically forced to use. I just went through it on saturday, luckily, it was great and nothing blew up...In my case, it was an 80's SVT through an 8x10, which i'd be pumped to use, but this thing is gonna go...at some point...The thing was grinding real bad...sounded like it had friggin gears inside!

i bet that soundguy still can't believe he got called a ****squeeze by a whoopie cushion

[doctorpunch]

You might wanna watch that D-word as I did homeboy, I love cursing but I don't know if that one flies around here.

I was behind everything when I said that and it was on the bass mic so it was like god himself called him that.

[Savage_Dreams]

you said the guitarists were setting up 'their' stacks. do you mean they were allowed to use their own gear or was it gear supplied by the club? if was their own stuff i just can never understand why bassists are supposed to just be at the mercy of the sound guy instead of their own gear and their own sound. i wont play a show without my own stuff. ive spent to much time and money on getting my own sound to not use it.

[WJGreer]

Arguing with the sound guys is about as effective as arguing with the TSA.

[judeix808]

Originally Posted by doctorpunch

From behind all the equipment I say into the cabinet mic: "We're headlining you d***squeeze! Everyone's here to see us!"

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!! You just know someone is going to sig this!! And pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeeeeeee tell me someone had a camera...........a Giant Whoopie cushion!! LOL!!

[FunkMetalBass]

I would have brought up the broken cable in the cab to him right away and told him that you were either going to DI or use your own cab.

[doctorpunch]

[AltGrendel]

Originally Posted by FunkMetalBass

I would have brought up the broken cable in the cab to him right away and told him that you were either going to DI or use your own cab.

If he had gone DI, the SG probably just would have turned that channel down.

[jive1]

After all these years of gigging, I'm convinced there's only that single crappy Hartke with the blown speaker and faulty electronics that is shared by every sound company. They just pass it around from gig to gig all over the world to give the bass player a hard time and to save money on buying a fancy amp like a used Peavey TNT.

Looks like it was the OP's turn to use it that night.

[MrDOS]

This is a hilarious thread!

[judeix808]

Originally Posted by doctorpunch

Awesome!! Now......were you able to also emulate the of a whoopie cushion during the gig?...........

[doctorpunch]

Everytime I took the mic it was PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[walker rosewood]

agreed, this thread is hilarious. So much truth. This must be the only soundguy in the country who insists on using a mic, rather then the DI. Too bad it was crappy gear.

[jeffbrown]

My son's band played a battle where the whole band was mic-ed through the board using SM57s. And only 57s. Drums, guitars, bass, vox, everything. I figure he got a deal on the whole package - not that there's anything wrong with that.

YMMV

[doctorpunch]

So a little update on the story. We got booked here again. The drummer told me in the text that he got the promoter said the following: Tell Mike to bring his cabinet this time, someone broke the backline about a month ago.

[bassist4dalord]

Originally Posted by doctorpunch

So a little update on the story. We got booked here again. The drummer told me in the text that he got the promoter said the following: Tell Mike to bring his cabinet this time, someone broke the backline about a month ago.

Hahaha AWESOME!

This thread is full of win!

[wshines1892]

Originally Posted by walker rosewood

agreed, this thread is hilarious. So much truth. This must be the only soundguy in the country who insists on using a mic, rather then the DI. Too bad it was crappy gear.

We have a local venue that insists on micing bass amps too, but it's smaller so I suppose they're used to smaller acts with amps without DIs? I asked if they'd like me to go direct, but they said it'd be easier to mic it?

[sonic assassin]

Originally Posted by doctorpunch

someone broke the backline about a month ago.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

i lolled hard.

[mrkreuzschlitz]

Whenever sound guys insist on using a mic, I just ask them to let me DI so it'd be easier for them to get a good sound. Honestly, I never really give them much of a choice either, and I always get a good sound.