Musical Terms and Country and Western Definitions

[kirkdickinson]

Forgive me if this has been posted before. I found this in 12 year old email and thought it was still funny.

Musical Terms and Country and Western Definitions

Diminished Fifth - An empty bottle of Jack Daniels

Perfect Fifth - A full bottle of Jack Daniels

Ritard - There is one in every family

Relative Major - An Uncle in the Marine Corps

Relative Minor - A girlfirend

Big Band - When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players

Pianissimo - "Refill this beer bottle"

Repeat - What you do until they expel you

Treble - Women aint nothing but

Bass - The things you run around in softball

Portamento - A foreign country you've always wanted to see

Conductor - The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham

Arpeggio - "Aint he that storybook kid with the big nose thar grows"

Tempo - A good choice for a used car

A 440 - The highway that runs around Nashville

Transpositions - Men who wear dresses

Cut time - Parole

Order of Sharps - What a wimp gets at the bar

Passing Tones - Frequently heard near the baked beans at a family BBQ

Middle C - The only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low

Perfect Pitch - The smooth coating on a freshly paved road

Tuba - A compound word: "Hey woman!, fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream"

Cadenza - That ugly thing your wife always vaccums dog hair off of when company comes

Whole Note - What's due after failing to pay the mortgage after a year

Clef - What you try never to fall off of

Bass Clef - Where you wind up if you do fall off

Altos - Not to be confused with " Toms Toes", "Bubbas Toes", or "Dori-toes"

Minor Third - Your approximate age and grade at the completion of formal schooling

Melodic Minor - Loretta Lynn's singing dad

12- tone scale - The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer truck with

Quarter Tone - What most standard pick-up trucks can haul

Sonata - What you get from a bad cold or hay fever

Clarinet - Named used on your second daughter if you already used Betty Jo

Cello - The proper way to answer the phone

Basson - Typical response when asked what you hope to catch,and when

French Horn - Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at 4 a.m.

Cymbal - What they use on deer crossing signs, so you know what to sight your pistol with

Bassa Nova - The car your foreman drives

Time Signature - What you need from your boss when you forget to clock in

First Inversion - Grandpa's battle group at Normandy

Staccato - How you did all your ceilings in your mobile home

Major Scale - What you say after chasing wild game up a mountain "Damn that was a Major Scale"

Aeolin Mode - How you like mamas cherry pie

Bach Corale - The place behind the barm where you keep the horses

[Raymeous]

Very nice.

Relative minor = Girlfriend

Isn't that a Larry the Cable Guy kinda line? Wrong, so wrong, but still funny.