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02-09-2011, 04:23 PM
| | | | musician Joke time!
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How many lead guitarists does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Just one he holds it still while the whole world revolves around him.
How do you know there is a drummer at your door? The knocking speeds up.
Ok not so good, your turn...... |
02-09-2011, 04:27 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Flagstaff,AZ | | how many bassists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The keyboardist will do it with his left hand instead.  |
02-09-2011, 04:32 PM
| | | Quote:
Originally Posted by aztomr  how many bassists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The keyboardist will do it with his left hand instead. | i lol'd
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Simple is sometimes better. But not always.
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02-09-2011, 04:32 PM
|  | Supporting Member | | Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Santa Cruz, CA | | | Read this one on here before:
How many female lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. She will get someone else in the band to do it for her.
How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but there will 9 other guitar players watching with their arms crossed thinking they could do it better.
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California Bassist Club #25
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02-09-2011, 05:34 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Victoria, B.C., Canada | | | How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb? 10, one to actually do it while the other 9 stand around and talk gear. Cheers.
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Every associative chain forms a necklace. Official Ampeg Club #463, MESA Club #135, Lefty Union #174, Canadian Club #95.
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02-09-2011, 05:38 PM
| | | Quote:
Originally Posted by pgolliher Read this one on here before:
How many female lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. She will get someone else in the band to do it for her.
How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but there will 9 other guitar players watching with their arms crossed thinking they could do it better. | I've heard the same joke about trumpet players.
Another less rock oriented one. How do you tune two piccolo players?...Shoot one. |
02-09-2011, 05:39 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Florida panhandle | | Quote:
Originally Posted by gearslut:) How many lead guitarists does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Just one he holds it still while the whole world revolves around him. | Our soundman actually used a variation of that one on our background singers at church this past Sunday. |
02-09-2011, 06:39 PM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Lake Charles, La. | | | Christina Aguileria singing the National Anthem.
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02-09-2011, 06:46 PM
|  | that video LIES | | Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Northern California | | Quote:
Originally Posted by shadowtippy Christina Aguileria singing the National Anthem. | That was in poor taste. 
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Albert He who throws mud only loses ground. | |
02-09-2011, 06:48 PM
|  | Freelance Theatre Musician
Staff Writer: Bass Musician Magazine, Endorsing Artist: Please see bio | | Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Kalamazoo, MI | | | What do a trombone player and a baseball have in common?
Everyone cheers when you hit them with a bat. |
02-09-2011, 06:50 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: New Zealand | | | Im sure these are facts , not jokes . Ill post them anyway !
Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ Test?
A: Saliva.
Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.
Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
A: About three decibels.
Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
Q: What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.
Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.
Q: What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: You can tune a chainsaw*.
Q: What will you never say about a banjo player?
A: "Is that the banjo player's Porsche outside?"
Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Q: How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A: Both command immediate attention, alarm and force everyone to move
out
of range.
Q: Why are violists fingers like lightning?
A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.
Tuba Player: "Did you hear my last recital?"
Friend: "I hope so."
Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong
pitch..
Did you hear about the tenor who was so arrogant the other tenors
noticed?
Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
A: They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
Q: How do you get two bass players to play in unison?
A: Hand them charts a half-step apart.
Q: How do you get a guitarist to play softer?
A: Place a sheet of music in front of him.
Q: What do all great conductors have in common?
A: They're all dead.
Q: How do you get a three-piece horn section to play in tune?
A: Shoot two of them.
Q: How are trumpet players like pirates?
A: They're both commit murder on the high Cs.*
Q: "How can you tell a sax player at a party?"
A: "Because he is the one telling everyone he is a sax player"*
Last edited by Makatak : 02-09-2011 at 06:55 PM.
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02-09-2011, 06:52 PM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Newport News, VA | | | How can you tell then the stage is level? When the drool is coming evenly out of both side of the drummer's mouth.
How many keyboard players does it take to change a light bulb? 12 tried, but they couldn't find the preset.
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Yeah toast!
For sale/trade: Milbert BaM235 all-tube car stereo amp
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02-09-2011, 06:52 PM
|  | Yeah, I've got the moves like Jagger. | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: G.R. MI | | | What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth??
The drum riser is level.
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by BassChalice Everybody pay attention to Phalex now! | Quote:
Originally Posted by champbassist My cat breath smelling a cat's odor is eating. | Quote:
Originally Posted by hover He's got the Moo OO OO OO OO OO OO OObs like Jagger.... | |
02-09-2011, 06:52 PM
| | Yeah, I've got the moves like Jagger. | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: G.R. MI | | Quote:
Originally Posted by Cirk How can you tell then the stage is level? When the drool is coming evenly out of both side of the drummer's mouth.
How many keyboard players does it take to change a light bulb? 12 tried, but they couldn't find the preset. | Dude! We did that simultaneously!!
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by BassChalice Everybody pay attention to Phalex now! | Quote:
Originally Posted by champbassist My cat breath smelling a cat's odor is eating. | Quote:
Originally Posted by hover He's got the Moo OO OO OO OO OO OO OObs like Jagger.... | |
02-09-2011, 06:55 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Newport News, VA | | Quote:
Originally Posted by Phalex Dude! We did that simultaneously!! | Truth is funnier than fiction.
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Old Basstards Club #113
Yeah toast!
For sale/trade: Milbert BaM235 all-tube car stereo amp
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02-09-2011, 07:04 PM
| | | | How do you get 2 piccolo players to play in unison and in tune?
Shoot one.
What's the difference between a baritone sax and a lawnmower?
The smell of the exhaust.
What's the difference between a chainsaw and a banjo?
A chainsaw has more dynamic inflections.
What's the definition of perfect pitch?
Throwing an accordion into a dumpster and hearing it hit a banjo.
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Noysdia. Ibanez Club #410, Buddhist Bassists #10, WI Bassist #34, DWBB #34, 50+ # 22
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02-09-2011, 07:11 PM
| | | | what's the difference between a chainsaw and a saxophone?
it's all in the grip
what's the difference between a chainsaw and the bagpipes?
you can't kill someone with the mere sound of a chainsaw
what's the difference between a cello and a double bass?
the double bass holds more beer
what do you have when there are six conductors buried up to their necks in concrete?
not enough concrete
what's the heaviest thing a conductor/tenor/singer has to carry?
their ego! |
02-09-2011, 08:13 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Maple Glen, PA | | | My fav - what do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless |
02-09-2011, 08:17 PM
| | | | What do you call 100 [accordionists] at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
Ok, insert your favorite scapegoat! [Lawyers] work well. |
02-09-2011, 08:18 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Hunt. Co., New Jersey | | Quote:
Originally Posted by shadowtippy Christina Aguileria singing the National Anthem. | What about Black Eyed Peas?? I thought they "stole" the show for sure
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