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06-24-2002, 04:27 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Anchorage, Alaska. | | | "Musician" Jokes
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So, I'm sure this has been done before, but I'd like to get this thread going for musician jokes, dig?
Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A - One. Five. One. Five.
<hR>
Q: How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
<hr>
Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding drummer running around in your back yard?
A: Stop laughing and shoot again.
<hr>
Ok, so that's my piece, add on if you've heard any good ones lately.
-Davism |
06-24-2002, 04:29 PM
|  | Looking like a born-again. Living like a heretic. Moderator | | Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: California | | | I think we can find room for this in "Bass Humor"...
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Para baixo todo santo ajuda.
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06-24-2002, 04:34 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Anchorage, Alaska. | | | Sorry, I wasn't sure if it could go there, since it wasn't specifically for bass. Thanks for moving it, though.
-dave |
06-24-2002, 07:44 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Anchorage, Alaska. | | | Another Thread dies a lonely death. |
06-24-2002, 11:33 PM
| | Looking like a born-again. Living like a heretic. Moderator | | Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: California | | | Well, you could give it more than three hours before pronouncing it dead...
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Para baixo todo santo ajuda.
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06-25-2002, 12:10 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Anchorage, Alaska. | | | Good thing I'm not a doctor, huh? Heh |
06-25-2002, 12:30 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Mexico | | | LOL! more drummer shooting jokes!
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Click here to see how gullible people are today |
06-25-2002, 01:38 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Milwaukee, WI | | | Well, I guess...
Q:How can you tell which one of the kids on the playground is the guitarists?
A:The one that doesnt know how to swing and cant use a slide properly.
Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the keyboardist cand do it with his left hand.
Q: How can you tell if the stage is level?
A: Drool is running out of both corners of the drummers mouth.
I probally botched some of theses up. Eh well. Enjoy.
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Human beings are not machines and however powerful the pressure to conform, they sometimes are so moved by what they see as injustice that they dare to declare their independence. In that historical possibility lies hope. Missing from such histories are the small actions of unknown people that led up to those great moments. When we understand this, we can see that the tiniest act of protest in witch we engage may become the visible roots of social change.
-Howard Zinn
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06-25-2002, 08:05 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Springfield MA | | | An acordian player parks his car in front of a resteraunt in NYC. Halfway through his meal he realizes that he left his acorian in plain view in the back seat of his car. He rushes out and sees with horror that sure enough, the window is broken. he runs up and looks in back seat and next to his acordian are ten more acordians.
A gentleman is someone who knows how to play an acordian, but doesent.
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless
how do you get a drummer off you door step?
Pay him for the pizza
How can you tell when a drummer is at your door?
the knocking speeds up and slows down.
ok I'm sure I will remember more later |
06-25-2002, 09:30 PM
|  | Registered Misanthrope | | Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Lee County, Alabama | | | What do you call a french horn player with an answering machine?
An optimist!
What does a trombone player say when he gets to the gig?
Wanna supersize that?
What do you throw to a drowning bass player?
His amp! |
06-25-2002, 09:37 PM
| | | Quote: Originally posted by old_skool
Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the keyboardist cand do it with his left hand.
| hehe...stupid keyboards! |
06-26-2002, 04:18 AM
|  | should know better! | | Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Las Vegas, NV. | | | OK. Heres a couple that are popular in Las Vegas:
1. How can you tell a Las Vegas drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock gets progressively slower.
(I guess thats why sequencers have become so popular here.)
2. How can your tell a Las Vegas "chick singer" is at your door?
She cant find her key and doesn't know how to come in.
3. How many Las Vegas "chick singers" does it take to change a light bulb?
Punchline 1. One to hold the bulb and the world will revolve around her.
Punchline 2. None. She'll get the band to do it for her.
4. Where do you find a good Las Vegas agent?
At the bottom of Lake Mead.
Thank You and Good Night.
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"Heck! Even Hulk Hogan plays a bass guitar. But, let’s be honest. As a bass player, the Hulkster is no Gene Simmons!"-Jeff Berlin |
06-26-2002, 10:37 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Kitchener, ON, Canada | | Too lazy to type, Mike Lull's got a bunch of these here.
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Cheers, Bob
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06-26-2002, 12:52 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Austin, TX | | | I always though Mike had some of the best jokes.
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-"Actual journalism? Isn't that when you don't commit crimes?"
-"Hell no, it's when we commit really good crimes."
"Of course a shortcut isn't easy. If it was easy, it'd just be The Way."
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06-27-2002, 09:36 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Milwaukee, WI | | | Link no workie...
__________________
Human beings are not machines and however powerful the pressure to conform, they sometimes are so moved by what they see as injustice that they dare to declare their independence. In that historical possibility lies hope. Missing from such histories are the small actions of unknown people that led up to those great moments. When we understand this, we can see that the tiniest act of protest in witch we engage may become the visible roots of social change.
-Howard Zinn
|
06-27-2002, 10:40 AM
|  | Registered User
Endorsing Artist: see profile | | Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: toms_river.nj.us | | Quote: Originally posted by old_skool
Link no workie... | yes it does |
06-27-2002, 12:09 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: South East Kent, England. | | Git-arist sees bass player* crying and in a fit of uncharacteristic pity goes up to talk to him:
Git: What's the matter?
Bass: The drummer's detuned one of my strings!...
Git: So... What's the problem?
Bass: He won't tell me which one!
*NB: This works especially well if the bass player has >4 strings.
Q: How many TBL subscribers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 11. 1 to change the bulb, 5 to boast about how Jeff Berlin would have changed it, and another 5 to argue about whether JB's method is worth using.
(I'm just telling it like I see it.  no offense meant!)
Q: How many 8-string bass players does it take to change a lightbulb.
A: Only one, but there are darn few to choose from.
Last edited by MKS : 06-27-2002 at 12:25 PM.
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06-27-2002, 07:36 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Milwaukee, WI | | | The bugger didnt work for me the first few times.
__________________
Human beings are not machines and however powerful the pressure to conform, they sometimes are so moved by what they see as injustice that they dare to declare their independence. In that historical possibility lies hope. Missing from such histories are the small actions of unknown people that led up to those great moments. When we understand this, we can see that the tiniest act of protest in witch we engage may become the visible roots of social change.
-Howard Zinn
|
06-27-2002, 08:41 PM
| | Talkbass' Tubist in Residence | | Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Silver Spring, MD | | | What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.
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What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.
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Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
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Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
It took two hours to get the drummer out.
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How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"
Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
None. They have a machine to do that.
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Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.
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What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.
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Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"
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I asked a drummer to spell "Mississippi"...
He said, "the river or the state?"
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Q: What do you call a drummer who's lost his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
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Q: What do you call a kid with a set of drums?
A: The poster child for Birth Control.
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Q: What do you call a bunch of kids with drums?
A: Jerry's Kids.
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Q: How do you confuse a drummer?
A: Give him a piece of sheet music.
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Q: What would you call the smartest drummer in the world?
A: Mildly retarded.
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Q: What's the best protection the Secret Service could have against a Presidential assassination?
A: Make a drummer the Vice-President.
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A man was looking for a new brain. He went to a brain surgen and told him of his problem. The surgen said, " I only have three brains left." The man said, " Well what's the cheapest?" The surgen said, " I have a doctor's brain for cheap." The man said," We'll that's great, what else do you have?" The surgen said, " I also have the brain of a rocket scientist, but that's just a little more pricy." The man replied, " Wow if you have the brain of a rocket scientist, the last one must be really smart." The surgen said, " The most expensive one I have, is a dummer's brain." The man said, " Why is a drummer's brain so expensive?" The surgen replied, " We'll because it's never been used before."
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Q: How can you make a drummer slow down?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q#2: How can you make that drummer stop?
A#2: Put notes on it! |
06-27-2002, 08:50 PM
| | Talkbass' Tubist in Residence | | Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Silver Spring, MD | | Q: What is an oboe good for?
A: Fire wood
Q: What is a bassoon good for?
A: see above
Q: What is the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?
A: The bassoon burns longer
Q: What is the best use of an oboe?
A: Fire starter for the bassoon
Q: What is the difference between a bartione sax and a chainsaw?
A: The exhaust
Q:What do you call a trombone player with a beeper and a cell phone?
A: An optimist
Q: What is the difference between a trombone player walking down the road and a 7 year old walking down the road?
A: The 7 year old might be going to a gig
Q: How do you get 2 flute players to play in tune with other?
A: You shoot one
You are stuck in an enclosed room with Fidel Castro, Osama Bin Laden, and a drummer. You have a gun with 2 (and only 2) bullets in it. What do you do?
A: You shoot the drummer twice to make sure
Q: How many tuba players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 4. one to hold the bulb, and the other three to drink till the room spins
Q: Did you see the drummer with the 170 IQ?
A: I didn't either...  | | Thread Tools | Search this Thread | | | | 
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