Musician jokes

[Doctor Satan]

Ill start
Q: how many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 5 one to screw it in and 4 to bitch about how much better they can do it

[LeoSash]

Q:What do you do with a musician who can't play his instrument?
A: Put him in the percussion section

Q:What do you do with a musician who can't play percussion?
A:Give him a stick and put him in front of the band.

Q:How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
A: Put sheet music in front of him

A C and E walk into a bar and the bar owner says "sorry, we don't serve minors"

[pflash4001]

How many sopranos (or lead guitarists, lead singers, etc) doe it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: one. He/she holds it in the air and the world revolves around him/her...

Q: what does a drummer use for birth control

A: his personality.

[Geezer79]

Q: How many Country singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3. One to change the bulb and 2 to write a song about the old one.

Q: How many Rock stars does it take?
A: NONE, THATS A F#EUR¶ING ROADIE'S JOB!

Q: How many Rappers does it take?
A: It depends on whether or not he can get the rights to use a Rock star's old one.

Q: What do go call a Guitarist without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless

Q: How do you get more people into the bass player's car?
A: Take the pizza warmer out.

Q: What do go call someone who hangs out with musicians?
Q: A Drummer

[Drunk Heffalump]

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

15, one to actually do it an 14 to say how much better Neil Peart would have done it.

How do you know the stage is level?

The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth

How do you know there's a drummer knocking at your door?

He speeds up

How do you know a vocalist is knocking at your door?

He can find a key and doesn't know where to come in

If a guitarist falls in a forest does anyone care?

And in a nod to equal opportunity slicing.............

How do you replace your bassist?

Get the keyboardist to use his left hand

[MOTORHEADBANGER]

Why do bassists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.

[pasta4lnch]

Originally Posted by MOTORHEADBANGER

Why do bassists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.

thats great!!

whats the one about the bass player who locked his keys in the car . . . took an hour to get the drummer out

[strat56]

What do you call a musician with a credit card?

Married.

[El Beardo]

What's the difference between a bass player and a pizza?



-a pizza can feed a family of four.

[slagbass]

Originally Posted by Geezer79

Q: How many Rappers does it take?
A: It depends on whether or not he can get the rights to use a Rock star's old one.

LOL'd on that one!

[Shamgar1986]

What is the difference between a musician and a trust fund? The trust fund will mature and make money!

[addylewis]

Originally Posted by Geezer79

Q: How many Country singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3. One to change the bulb and 2 to write a song about the old one.

ROFL!!!

[funkingroovin]

Q: How do you get a drummer off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza!

[lowfreq33]

How many guitarists does it take to play Stairway To Heaven?

Apparently all of them.

[Primakurtz]

What do you say to a bass player who just finished a great show?

"Good job - I barely noticed you tonight!"