Musician stereotypes... ever play with any of these guys?

[powderfinger]

The 30 year old adolescent:
While old enough to have already finished school, bought a house, and started a family, the 30 year old adolescent has done none of the above. No.. the 30 year old adolescent either still lives at home with mom and dad, or his girlfriend. Usually unemployed and without transportation, the 30 year ol adolescent spends his his time partying like its 1999 still. Drinking and parrying all night. Sleeping all day. This guy is usually hungover at practice, and late for gigs.
(see also, the 40 or 50 year old adolescent).

The guitarist with no gear:
We've all know him. We've all played with him. This guy can play tap like Eddie Van Halen, and jam a rockin' bluesy solo like he was Eric Clapton... only problem? He not only not owns an amp... but he doesn't even own a guitar. He pawned his last one for drug money...

any others we can add!!

[Disco Batman]

Played with a dude that met both of those at a jam session a couple months back.

[powderfinger]

Originally Posted by Disco Batman

Played with a dude that met both of those at a jam session a couple months back.

Sometimes they can be the same person. You know... the 40 year old adolescent without gear.

Here's another... (these are all based on my personal experience in bands!)

The keyboard player who has no business in a rock band:
This guy can play Beethoven's 7th Symphony blind folded, but ask him to play a simple boogie or rock progression, and he is lost as a fart in a windstorm. Yeah... he's *heard* some Elton John before, but he isn't really into "rock music" or anything. But he still plays in rock bands....

[BayStateBass]

The Under-educated Bass Player-
This guy originally picked up a bass once he figured out that guitar was too hard and he wasn't getting anywhere with it. He can only play root notes most of the time and hasn't mastered alternating his index and middle finger while plucking, he tends to just use the index finger and get cramps. He can't quite grasp that playing one string lower at the same fret constitutes a fifth, he's constantly going up one string and up two frets. Actually, he doesn't know what a fifth is. It just sounds cool, so he does it. He doesn't know what an octave note is, but realizes that when he shifts from that fifth to the next string up at the same fret, it sounds even cooler. He doesn't have to worry about bending strings because, hey, they're so thick Hercules probably couldn't do it....so no worries there. When he's in doubt, he plays "G" on the "E" string....it just seems to blend with whatever is being played. Or the "E" works well because it's kinda low and not too many people notice. Really, the "D" and "G" strings are extras, they maybe only get played once or twice in a night, and then only one or two notes. His favorite songs are "Running With The Devil" or any standard blues song that runs a 1-4-5 progression in a major key (he can't fathom where the minor 3rd is so you have to play all majors....what is a third anyway?), as long as you can tell him what the 1 is. He has no awareness of his volume because he's either playing whisper quiet or he's knocking the drummer off of his throne. He's pretty sure slap bass is when you tap your hand on the body of the bass in time with the drummer so you get that cool "acoustic effect".

Yup. We all know this guy.


He's often referred to, in many circles, as..



BayStateBass.......

[DeadGoonz]

How about the guy who neglected to tell his wife/girlfriend she is not in the band and we can handle it all by our selfs!

Working with this guy currently, he is very lucky he is so talented and a good person.....

[dtripoli]

The Rich Business Professional that Dabbles in Music
Has every top of the line guitar and FX pedal, a studio with every thing needed for a back line, a girl Friday to schedule
his day/nights, is truly a nice person but can't play his way out of a wet paper bag no matter how much you tutor them.

The Self Centric Musician
The musician you run into all the time and spends the entire conversations telling you about his/her awesome gigs and/or the trials and tribulation of his/her bands. The only time he/she will ask about your band is to merely bring the conversation back around to his/her band.

The Unprofessional Pro
The pro musician you get to sub a gig for you. You provide them with charts, mp3's and offer to rehearse the tunes.
They indignantly decline rehearsal and assure you they will be on top of their game and you better be also.
Halfway through the gig you realize they do not know the songs and obviously never listened to or looked at the music.
They spend the entire gig winging it.

The Completely Clueless Musician.
You run through a couple of tunes and it is some of the worst, disjointed train wrecks you have ever been a part of.
Only to have clueless musician exclaim, "Wow, that was totally awesome!"

[ksandvik]

The American Idol Singer Wannabe

Thinks he or she is the greatest singer since Rihanna or Elton John. Can't stay in tune whatsoever, forgets lyrics and just hums along. Thinks doing theater work on stage will hide those shortcomings. Wears tight clothes around a 50lbs+ overweight body. Uses lots of eye liner. Thinks long hair is fine with a big bold spot on top.

[ImakenoiseGood]

currently playing with...
FX Master.
knows 8 chords, has 17 pedals. Often stops the song to have me EQ again because whenever his cool 'spacey reverb echo autowah phaser fuzz' doesn't sound good, I must not be punchy enough.

doesn't know what genre we are
not a ****ing metal band. stop adding screamo bits.

female vocalist
great singer, but causes every band we play with to creep on her .. not her fault but i feel that we are getting gigs cus these other bands are filled with horny men who almost never see a girl rocker . sometimes get some good gigs tho, so not too bad.

[fourfinger]

The Rehearsal Emperor

This musically gifted, but clueless band leader somehow forgets about the songs the rest of the band all prepared for rehearsal, and insists that everyone "listen to this song I found, and lets try it and see how it goes."

While the band is "listening" (to a song nobody else has practiced, or perhaps not even heard before) he will play and/or sing and/or talk, making it hard to hear the parts or get a feel for the tune.

Therefore the next hour or even two is spent drilling over and over on one unprepared song, until everyone (except the emperor) has "learned" their parts the wrong way.

Can you guess your next assignment? "Work on this one for next week, plus those other ones we never got around to."

But by next week, this song too will be forgotten about, along with the others, and it will be time to "learn" a new one again.

Repeat until band breaks up.

[millsbass5]

"he tends to just use the index finger and get cramps."-QUOTE "BayStateBass


Hey!!! Jamerson used just that one digit...... Uh,minus the cramps.

Seriously though. I hate those do-less type players,that includes non-musicians,too. Get a haircut,and get a real job (In the famous words of George Thorogood). Why not? I did!!

[ksandvik]

The Pretty One

Manages to get gigs in all kinds of places mostly due to looks and connections and flirting now and then. Has a catchy stage name and good promo image showing certain details that are important for the protozoa males (or females.) After one gig no longer welcome as the management realized it was a big charade with no real talent behind. However she (or he) always manages to get musicians due to a lot of gigs happening here and there.

[The Owl]

The Narcissistic One Trick Pony That Thinks They're A Genius

You know the type, ALL bravado and NO brain whatsoever, much less a concept of how to play with other musicians or an audience. Says they can play the genre of music you're doing but has ZERO comprehension or knowledge of said style. makes grandiose claims of how they're the best and everyone else sucks. Then proceeds to spew forth some of the most asinine wankery you ever heard that has little to ZERO musical content at all.

This little video kind of illustrates this type (auditioner #4, Nash The Flash):

A Bear Auditions Bass Players - YouTube

[powderfinger]

The guitar wiz who doesn't have a clue:

Everyone has played in a band with a bandleader like this guy before. He tells the band to just follow his lead. He begins playing riffs in scales that the Greeks and Romans didn't even know existed. Dude can play the most complex 8 finger chords, and off the wall modes, etc. Ask him what key he is in. He doesn't have a clue. He just tells you, "follow my hands".

The Poet


Most of us have encountered this guy. He is usually the lyricist for the band. He writes complex, non-sense lyrics (which never rhyme, btw), that makes Radiohead and REM's lyrics sound like Mary Had a Little Lamb. This guy tries so hard to write weird, far out lyrics, that they always sound painful when put to music.

[Wyatt]

Played with a guy that bought a guitar and amp from his roommate's dad on a Friday. Brought it to practice that night. Sounded great. Left practice and went to the bar. Met this girl from out of town and left with her in her car. While driving around looking for a secluded spot, He made her mad, She kicked him out and left him on the side of the road. Said guitar and amp was still in the trunk as she drove off. He never saw any her or the equipment again.

[BayStateBass]

The Obsessive "Tuner"-
This typically applies to lead guitarists. It's the musician that insists on keeping a headstock tuner on their guitar at all times during rehearsal, performance, and practicing. They are constantly checking their tune and will often stop a song in practice about half way through to check their tuning and make adjustments. Most of the time nobody notices any change while they are tweaking their tuning pegs, but they seem to think that this minor adjustment somehow makes or breaks the song.


The Banshee-

The singer that somehow thinks that they can push their voice well beyond any sort of vocal range that is acceptable to creatures with remotely normal hearing. They will scream, quiver, and shake with each off-key and ear-splitting note yet feel that they are doing some sort of justice to a song while expanding upon that which was originally recorded, and in very poor taste.

The Decelerator-

This is the drummer who somehow, and in a methodical fashion, manages to reduce the timing of a song, regardless of how it starts, to 4/4 time. As the song progresses, they systematically slow down their drum beat to the point where all of the other musicians are out of time and have to refer to....4/4 timing. This person is workable, because you know that at some point in the song.....you'll be playing 4/4.

The Overpowering Harmonist-

This is one of the most dangerous musicians. This musician has no particular instrument. It could be any musician. In their aspiration to become a lead singer, they have tailor-made their harmony parts in such a fashion that they overpower the lead singer. They are often found fiddling with a PA or increasing their amp volume....all in the hope that the crowd will tell them, after the show, that they should be the lead singer. They remind themselves that they can not only play an instrument, but they sing well....and they are convinced they sing better than the lead singer.

The "Creator"-

This person is convinced that they are way more talented than any professional artist could ever be. They will take a cover song and completely change it. They will change key, change lyrics, and completely change the order of the song without ever informing the other band members. Unfortunately, each time you play this song they will have a new concept of how it should be played and will often get angry if fellow musicians don't instantly understand what they are doing or where the song is going. They won't communicate these changes ahead of time and will often be seen with a pouty face when the song completely derails during practice. They are especially dangerous during a performance when the "creative juices are flowing" and nobody can follow what they are doing.

[bassfran]

Miss Glee Club

Typically a sorority girl, her previous sole musical experience was in an acapella band in college. Has nerve enough to try and dictate everyone else's parts to them. Worst taste in cover songs and clueless about rock history but has cute/hot friends.

The Drama King, aka Poor Mr. Put-Upon

Everybody has problems. But most folks have the decency to leave them at home/work/school and not drag them into your band. Not this guy- always broke, never prepared, unreliable, and will stay that way until he's been given the boot. Overstays welcomes, eats all your food, drinks all your beer, smokes all your cigs, etc. Keep away from girlfriends/wives at all costs because he's misunderstood/mysterious/dark/sensitive.

The Drummer

'nuff said.

[bigbasscat1]

Originally Posted by The Owl

The Narcissistic One Trick Pony That Thinks They're A Genius

You know the type, ALL bravado and NO brain whatsoever, much less a concept of how to play with other musicians or an audience. Says they can play the genre of music you're doing but has ZERO comprehension or knowledge of said style. makes grandiose claims of how they're the best and everyone else sucks. Then proceeds to spew forth some of the most asinine wankery you ever heard that has little to ZERO musical content at all.

This little video kind of illustrates this type (auditioner #4, Nash The Flash):

A Bear Auditions Bass Players - YouTube

I almost pissed my pants...priceless!

[JDtheBassPlayer]

The know it all guitarist
HE uses the typical and best gear, a 1970 (what ever year) Les Paul with a Marshall JCM 800, is a classic metal head, is a great player and all but when you play something or suggest something that's not really his taste he tells you you're wrong

the guy in your band that's never seen This is Spinal Tap
this is pretty self explanatory the guys never seen Spinal Tap until you tell him a million times to watch it

the guy who thinks he's metal
I haven't ran into a musician like this, but an acquaintance
He keeps talking about his poser metal core bands so you just go along and talk about death metal because you're a man, not a little emo boy, and listen to real metal like that also this person either doesn't like or hasn't heard of Black Sabbath

[funk generator]

the bass expert
We all know the guy who "knows everything about bass" He tells you how to EQ your amp, what size speakers your cab should have and even what kind of bass to play. Tends to judge a bass by brand names or ascetics. Most of the time this person has no idea what he's talking about.

[fourstringdrums]

Originally Posted by bassfran

Miss Glee Club
The Drummer

'nuff said.

Heeeeeey....

The Overcompensating Drummer

Shows up with a 17 piece kit and can barely hold a solid beat.