Musicians on "other instruments"...

**bassybill** · #1 02-13-2010, 03:46 PM

We have a lot of laughs here joking about guitarists, drummers and even bassists, but what about the rich vein of untapped humour related to our other fellow musicians? Let's be inclusive! I'll start...

Trumpeter - a trumpeter will blow a high F during warm up just to impress you. They will still play the same high F to show off during the first twenty minutes of your set, regardless of the fact that they've been written a D. By the end of the set, they will totally fail to hit anywhere near a C and then complain that the chart is too much of a blow and the arranger doesn't understand the physical demands of their instrument.

jgsbass · #2 02-13-2010, 08:21 PM

I used to go out with a girl who played french horn, but I had to call it off.
Every time we kissed, she would stick her fist up my butt.

SpamBot · #3 02-13-2010, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jgsbass

I used to go out with a girl who played french horn, but I had to call it off.
Every time we kissed, she would stick her fist up my butt.

Classy.

Exploiter8 · #4 02-13-2010, 08:36 PM

I used to play in a small quartet, there were only three of us.

There was once a band called "Joe and the Bananas." Boy were they a bunch.

Songs I've never heard of, but always seem to get requested:

"Something Decent"
"Anything Good"
"A Song From This Decade"
"Someplace Else"
"A Song You Don't Sing"

X8

DizzyExiled · #5 02-14-2010, 04:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Exploiter8

I used to play in a small quartet, there were only three of us.

There was once a band called "Joe and the Bananas." Boy were they a bunch.

Songs I've never heard of, but always seem to get requested:

"Something Decent"
"Anything Good"
"A Song From This Decade"
"Someplace Else"
"A Song You Don't Sing"

X8

do you know "get off the stage"?

me either ...

Kid-A · #6 02-14-2010, 04:42 AM

or, "Play Some Skynyrd"...

Big Daddy Mac · #7 02-15-2010, 09:40 AM

I went to see a new all-girl band "Kitty & The Cats" last night. What a bunch of dogs.

Q. How did the tuba player fix his instrument?
A. He used a tuba glue.

greekorican · #8 02-15-2010, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jgsbass

I used to go out with a girl who played french horn, but I had to call it off.
Every time we kissed, she would stick her fist up my butt.

I play horn in band at school. Haha I've heard this one before. After this semester I will never touch a french horn again, god I hate playing horn...

How is a trumpet player like a pirate? Both are murder on the high C's.

Thats all I got...

plankspanker13 · #9 02-15-2010, 10:58 AM

Sentence least likely to be uttered in any language: "Isn't that the banjo-player's Porsche?"

greekorican · #10 02-15-2010, 06:51 PM

One time I left my banjo in the back seat of my car overnight. The next morning I went out to my car, and to my horror, my back window was broken out. I looked inside expecting that I had gotten ripped off, but found two banjos in the back seat.

pklima · #11 02-16-2010, 06:45 AM

You don't hear a lot of jokes about the clarinet, though. That's because the clarinet has already been the victim of too many bad jokes, for example the saxophone.

**TheFantod** · #12 02-16-2010, 07:25 AM

From my college days.....

Q: A snake and a trombone player were both run over and flattened on the highway. What's the difference between them?

A: The snake was on his way to a gig.

**bassybill** · #13 02-16-2010, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greekorican

How is a trumpet player like a pirate? Both are murder on the high C's.

Ha! Excellent.

kcole4001 · #14 02-16-2010, 02:35 PM

Heard this one on a CBC concert broadcast....

The definition of "perfect pitch": a banjo thrown through the air, describing a perfect arc and landing on a pile of accordians.

skidrawk · #15 02-16-2010, 02:45 PM

Band director sees student in a chair with no instrument.

Band director: Son what do you play?

Kid obviously caught off gaurd unexpected: I play football.

Band director: Oh you're in the wrong place the field house is that way (points)

Kid: Oh yea - I play trumpet it's in the shop though.

higgi · #16 02-16-2010, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassybill

Trumpeter - a trumpeter will blow a high F during warm up just to impress you. They will still play the same high F to show off during the first twenty minutes of your set, regardless of the fact that they've been written a D. By the end of the set, they will totally fail to hit anywhere near a C and then complain that the chart is too much of a blow and the arranger doesn't understand the physical demands of their instrument.

Did I do a gig with you? By the way that was a G not an F.

shadowtippy · #17 02-16-2010, 05:48 PM

I told my gf I wanted to play her like a fine violin. She told me that she would rather have me play her like a harmonica.

moyles · #18 02-17-2010, 06:46 AM

what do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
a drummer.

what do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
homeless.

how do you know there's a punk drummer outside your door?
he's knocking out of time.

kcole4001 · #19 02-17-2010, 02:27 PM

Q) How do you know the stage is level?
A) The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

higgi · #20 02-17-2010, 04:08 PM

How do you get a trumpeter to play soft?
Take away his trumpet.

What's the differance between a trumpet player and God?
God knows he's not a trumpet player.

How can you tell a trumpet player's kids at a playground?
They don't know how to swing.

How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Zero. They just complain about the darkness until a trombone player does it for them.