Hello, fellow Talkbassers! I'm your average working bassist with an average working bassists tone. Been a die-hard Jazz Bass player for years. Tried many different basses, but always gravitated back to my tried and true J-Basses. I've been playing for about 30 years now ( and should be waaaaaay better than I am by now, but that's another story
). Strangely enough, with 30 years of playing J's, I've never owned a fretless...
until now...
Saw her at a second hand store. She was a cream-hued Japanese J, a little worn and sheathed in rosewood. I took her in my hands and felt a connection! I thought "why not?" I had some extra cash with no earmarkings on it and the shopkeeper was a friend who needed to unload some gear and was willing to haggle. I took her home for a song.
I gigged with her that very night, although I had never played fretless before. She was unlined, but had the usual dot markers on the side of the board. With some quick mental math, I determined roughly the note positions and let my ears do the rest. Success! "That was EASY!" I boasted to my band mates.
Or so I thought! I was gigging with someone elses amp that night that had a less than defined tone and minimal volume. The next night I played through my amp, loud and clear. I was HORRIFIED! Intonation problems leapt from my speakers, making accusations regarding my arrogance! I quickly put her back on the stand and finished the night with my trusty Geddy.
Determined to improve, I researched my new instrument. Learned about position, intonation, set-up, practice techniques. I realized this new instrument would take some dedication to master. That's cool, I'm ready! But then I came across an concept that got lodged in my head like a cheap piece of steak at a Ponderosa buffet.
I caught "Mwah"-tism!
Everywhere I looked on the web, I saw the masses of fretless bassists participating in a lemming-like quest for more "Mwah" (or "Muah" as some would put it). "Which fretboard coating produces more...", "Which pick-up is better for...", "Which technique, fretboard, amplifier, speakers, yoga-technique, incantation,strings are best for more Mwaaaaaaaahhhh?"
I saw the ghost of Jaco in the distance, arms folded and wearing a bemused smirk as the masses surged towards him, chanting "Jaco, Mwah, Jaco,Mwah,Jaco Mwah!!!" I too was caught in the spell!
I ripped out my neck pickup! I banished all frequencies excepting those that produced Mwah. Rigorously I studied polymers, esters and finishes and developed the perfect Mwah enhancing fingerboard coating! In an effort to devote myself to nasal tonality I had my nostrils sewn shut so I too could have my own internal Mwahness.I would become the Batman of Mwah!
Last night I had a dream. I saw the ghost of Jaco again. I expected that I would, due to my dedication, be blessed with the secrets of all things Mwahy, nasal-like, burpified.
He told me to stop effing around and practice!
Seriously though, I love my new fretless. It's gonna be an ear opening experience I think. I just get a charge out of the pro-mwah contingent sometimes!
