"My buddy's a pro bass player..."

[lfmn16]

I'm not sure why you would worry about being nice to such an obvious jerk but if so you could say, "thanks for the offer, but no."

[SteveHeissner]

If the guy is a "pro" he likely won't ask to sit in. He'll kick back and enjoy the show. Generally speaking, the best musicians I know don't ask to sit in. I can't imagine Billy Sheehan showing up at one of my gigs and asking to sit in. I'd probably have to beg him to sit in with my band.

[the yeti]

agree we need the rest of the story.

it's possible that only the friend is a douche but since you're known by the company you keep i hope you blew 'em off.

[Lady Kayri]

I would answer 'Sorry, our policy is no sit ins.' Period. I agree with all above - a real pro wouldn't be asking for a sit in, or demeaning your playing. That is a sign of great insecurity, IMO. And if you are getting up there, playing the music, you are a pro, too, and at the moment more of a pro than some unknown supposed bass player in the audience.

[phillybass101]

If the guy was a real professional he would have walked up to you and introduced himself. At that point it would have been up to you and your band to let him play if you had heard of him and his band etc. The friend was dead wrong. At a ceratin level no one is better than anyone else. Just different. Due to the better than comment, it would have been the end of the story for both of those fools. And as far as I'm concerned, like you say, if your;e getting paid for it, you are a pro. My wife and I debate this all the time. She thinks I'm a badass on the bass and I tell her I'm not out there like that. There is a difference if all you do is play to make a living. I have a day job and I like it like that. Far too many of my musician friends are poor and still live with relatives and they are pros in every sense of the word. They tour, they record, and still play the places I play when they come off the road. Don't sweat that nonsense.

[DWBass]

Based on that conversation............."sorry, not this time".......

[kevibass]

well....eh....er...
not cool of the "friend". rather dickish. i mean is he the pro's agent or what?
the "pro" may have been embarassed(?)
weird,... it's your gig etc., the "pro" needs to find his own gig and another friend, or explain to the dude what a dickish thing he just said is..
maybe a polite, no thanks, not tonight from you would suffice while you back away
and find another patron or band mates. ***?

[knumbskull]

what a diplomat.

i wouldn't be surprised if the "buddy" was cringing into his beer while all this was going on!

[VanillaThundah]

In a situation like that, I'd probably give a mocking laugh and then say "Man, I'd figure a pro bassist would have their own gig to play!" and just walk off still chuckling. It astounds me how tactless and stupid some people are in the music world.

[Rip Frisket]

Doesn't sound like a pro to me. A rude response would have been in order.

[xgator4u]

Originally Posted by bassmatt4792

It's 1:00am, we're about 1/3 of the way into our last set.
They motion to me to come over and chat.

I dunno, maybe it's me. I am not likely to come down and chat with people 1/3 into a set. I also can't imagine a "pro" trying to "chat" with you during a set.

Not gonna happen.
Therefore he will NOT be sitting in.

[hover]

I would look at him blankly and smile, say "nope, but thanks" and continue the night.

[Clef_de_fa]

For me a pro is just someone who work and treat music as a job and he is as good as the bass star not really someone who play in a cover band even if you make money and treat it as a job ... I mean you won't see Roy Vogt play in a cover band in a bar, it won't happen.

So a pro is someone who will play for a star, be it only in the studio or they are called for a tour with an artist. So they participate in creating or make new music happen live. They aren't in a band.

A cover band will only play in bar or small venue and do music heard a million times, they aren't participating in new music.

[gjbassist]

My general policy is that no one sits in on a paying gig if I have never heard them play before. So I would have politely told him no. However, the guy saying "he knows the songs better than you" would have been an immediate turn off for me and probably would have made me become less than polite! What kind of rude @ss makes a comment like that when asking for something? Also, if this guy is a "pro" why isn't he capable of asking for himself?

[azureblue]

I was in that situation,except I was the "pro". My "buddy" drank a bit too much and badgered the band's bass player for me to sit in. He just wanted to show me off, I guess, but I didn't show a hint of wanting to play-I was just there to relax. I could see he was making the guy uncomfortable, so I introduced myself and changed the subject, told the guy he had a great groove and I liked listening to him play, and sat down.

Lesson: if you're the band's bass player and a third party wants his friend to sit in, then the proper thing to do is to meet the guy and decide yourself. But I don't allow it, unless I know the guy who wants to sit in.

[jakyllo@charter]

A solid "no" is in order. As stated before in this thread, a real experienced player would not ask in the first place.

My bar band gets young gals, a bit tipsy, toward the end of the night wanting to sing with us. "I've done a lot of singing with bands." (Uh, no, you haven't or you wouldn't even ask.)

As we load out, we hear them singing to the juke box. It always reaffirms our wise decision not to let them sing. They can't sing on pitch to save their lives.

If they persist the old standby is, "If you sound good, we sound bad. If you sound bad, we sound bad."

[D.A.R.K.]

How about "well, if I let him sit in, then i'd be missing out on the experience I need to be a pro like him. You probably understand, being a manager".
There are many ways to say fu.

[Edward G.]

Demand to talk with him directly. Ask him what his credentials are, what he plays; find out what he knows, etc. Then say no if you detect him to be a prick or just a poser. (I have some stories about THAT.) Remember, YOU'RE the boss in this one, so OWN it.

Be sure to mention that his friend is an imbecile and shouldn't be speaking for him.

The flip side of the coin could be that he's someone you might want as a colleague.

[Jeff K]

Originally Posted by Silas Stingy

I know what you are saying regarding trying to remain professional. I've found myself in some sticky situations especially at weddings when the brides brother etc want to get up and do a song. The simplest out for me is to say that the bands PL insurance doesn't cover others to use the equipment, they soon go away.

That's a good idea. I like that.

I was out of town on my job one time and some of my co-workers and I went to a blues bar in one of the Carolinas. My friends said, "Hey Jeff, why don't you go up and ask to sit in on a couple songs?!" I told them I would never do that, and explained that it's poor etiquette for a musician to ask to sit it. The only way you ever sit in is if the guys in the band ask YOU to sit in. After I explained that to them, they understood. A lot of people really don't have any clue about musician etiquette.

But clueless or not, the idiot in the OP was just a stone-cold @@@####. To insult somebody like that is totally classless and really didn't even deserve a response. I'd have just looked at them both with disgust, shook my head and turned away.

[MonetBass]

First, you don't invite yourself to sit in. EVER. Second, telling a gigging musician that their friend can play better than you is stupid. I'd have taken the high road and said something like "Good for him" and then walked away.