"My buddy's a pro bass player..."

[kcole4001]

Just say" Sorry, no."
If it's during a break, then find something to do: check tuning, check cables, get a beer, whatever.
If it's during the set, just shake your head no and you're done with the conversation.

No discussion or apology necessary.

If he's really anything like a pro he'll get it, if not you really can't explain it so he'll get it anyway.
If he really thinks it's OK to do this in the first place, I'd have no interest in checking out his band or talking gear with him anyway.

[AuntieBeeb]

Originally Posted by 3tsb

"No ****??? My buddy's a pro proctologist. Can he check your prostate?"

YES! You win this thread hands-down, sir.

[Stewie26]

Originally Posted by knumbskull

what a diplomat.

i wouldn't be surprised if the "buddy" was cringing into his beer while all this was going on!

If the bass player is a pro or even simi-pro, I bet this is what was happening. I know I would be cringing if one of my drunk friends was up at the stage trying to bully the bass player to let me sit in on his gig.

[daveman50]

The opposite thing happened to me once. A bass player that I'd just met that night invited me to sit in for 2 songs with his band -- we talked for a minute, he sized me up & decided I was a safe bet; I didn't ask, he just asked me out of the blue -- everything was cool, I had fun, it sounded good, and he got the chance to hear the band and party a little. Very nice all around.

To the OP: you handled it right, those guys were d!cks. (I used to live in Potsdam. For those of you who don't know your North Country (NY) geography, it's a college town even further north that Watertown, colder than h#ll frozen over.)

[IPYF]

'Professional' means that it's your primary job. I'm a professional editor. A corporation pays me to edit. I also get paid to play shows but I'm not a professional bass guitarist. It's not my primary job. There are plenty of people who have dual professions, sure. But until playing the bass is paying your bills you're not a professional.

People who thing 'professional' means 'good' or 'proficient' are wrong. I know this because I'm a professional editor.

As to the circumstances of the OPs encounter I'd suggest that the question of professional vs. non-professional is moot. You're there to play your own gig; you got the show, you got your gear to the venue, you learned all the songs and are there to play with your band/friends. The other guy did none of these things, so the suggestion that he can get on stage with your act, regardless of his level of proficiency is utterly preposterous and insulting.

There are plenty of good musicians who only want to show off and they're usually totally work shy which is why you find them in situations like this begging for scraps, rather than finding them at shows they organised themselves.

[drummer5359]

My reply might have been something along the lines of...

"I can't be sure whether or not your buddy is a pro bassplayer, but I've determined that you're definitely an idiot."

[fourstringdrums]

"PRO" also means someone who acts as such, and that includes their attitude. If you're asking to sit in and telling a musician that they can play the songs better than you, you are NO pro. That guy was no pro.

What DID you say to him?

[HollowBassman]

Originally Posted by IPYF

'Professional' means that it's your primary job. I'm a professional editor. A corporation pays me to edit. I also get paid to play shows but I'm not a professional bass guitarist. It's not my primary job. There are plenty of people who have dual professions, sure. But until playing the bass is paying your bills you're not a professional.

People who thing 'professional' means 'good' or 'proficient' are wrong. I know this because I'm a professional editor.

As to the circumstances of the OPs encounter I'd suggest that the question of professional vs. non-professional is moot. You're there to play your own gig; you got the show, you got your gear to the venue, you learned all the songs and are there to play with your band/friends. The other guy did none of these things, so the suggestion that he can get on stage with your act, regardless of his level of proficiency is utterly preposterous and insulting.

There are plenty of good musicians who only want to show off and they're usually totally work shy which is why you find them in situations like this begging for scraps, rather than finding them at shows they organised themselves.

[Nev375]

Laugh loudly. Pat the guy on the back and tell him that's the best one I've heard all night.

Then go into your favorite musician joke....

[oboylebass]

Basic etiquette is such that you come and sit in WHEN YOU'RE INVITED to.

This guy walks up and asks to sit in...absolutely not a "PRO", but rather, a perfect example of utter douche baggery.

[Thrill-House]

At first i thought you said "Can he sit with you?" as in just sit with you at a table or something.. then i realized he said "sit IN with you"... ***! Honestly, i would have simply told him "No." and continued. That is just plain insulting. I generally try to be friendly with people even if they arent the sharpest tools in the shed, but no one should feel like they have to accomodate something like that.

Also, somehow i doubt his friend is "pro".

[bluewine]

A Pro is not a self proclaimed title, if other people call you a Pro and refer to you as a Pro then they have a reason for it. For example this bass player is a Pro only in your friends eyes.

"I'm better than you can I sit in."

I don't think I would even bother with "no", I think I would have ignored him and your friend.

Or I mights have said no, and in my most serious tone, " but you can go fetch drinks for me and my band if you like"

Please tell me you guys are all teenagers.

Blue

[bassmatt4792]

Originally Posted by bluewine

A Pro is not a self proclaimed title, if other people call you a Pro and refer to you as a Pro then they have a reason for it. For example this bass player is a Pro only in your friends eyes.

"I'm better than you can I sit in."

I don't think I would even bother with "no", I think I would have ignored him and your friend.

Or I mights have said no, and in my most serious tone, " but you can go fetch drinks for me and my band if you like"

Please tell me you guys are all teenagers.

Blue

We are not all teenagers, I'm the youngest in the band and I'm 20. Our singer is 48, lead guitarist is 23, drummer is 45, and soon-to-be rhythm is 30.

Also, I did not know the 'pro' or the friend who talked for him. The one who talked is not a friend of mine.

[thunderstation]

I'd say "sorry, but we have all our songs arranged and like to play them with our lineup"...But then you could sit down with the guy during break - get to know him and then decide if you want him to.

[bradjonesbass]

I get asked to sit in on a tune or two fairly often and normally politely decline. I've had a few times when a drunk bugged me to let him sit in and I usually blew him off with one of the aforementioned excuses or some variation thereof. I had one gig where a guy was worse than normal and just kept badgering me all night (he was already drunk when we were setting up at 8:30). Finally 3rd set break, he started getting belligerent about it and I told the manager and bouncer to keep an eye on him and I'd had enough... About 3 songs into the last set, he walked up to the stage, started cussing at me and reached for my bass. One quick pivot and the body of my G&L 2500 "accidentally" hit him in the chin and knocked his drunk axx out. Bouncer looked at me, I shrugged, he dragged him out to the parking lot and told his idiot friends to take him home. Bouncer apologized afterwards for letting it get that bad and asked if I wanted to work security on my off nights LOL

[PWRL]

A total stranger asking to jam with the band, via a friend and not even his own self, is no. Asking this, in this manner, on the basis that he's better than you, at your own show, is laughable.

[walterw]

Originally Posted by bluewine

...I mights have said no, and in my most serious tone, " but you can go fetch drinks for me and my band if you like"

Please tell me you guys are all teenagers.

awesome

[zeusij]

I think you handled it one of the best ways possible.

I was in a somewhat similar situation, except it was at friend's house party. The a-hole guy was one of the better bass players in this area and was able to rudely interrupt the beginning of my solo version of claypool - awakening . He wanted me to give him my bass so he could "show me how its done". I was so pissed I wanted to at the very least tell him to f' off. But I was able to see the best chance to get back at this guy's over-sized ego was to let him pluck around on my bass with things that hopefully didn't really amount to much and then get the bass back and blow him away with the prepared solo that I knew set the bar high. After the solo it was the end of the set and he left the party. I had always had respect for him until then.... what an a-hole.

[repoman]

If you're playing Green Day than your only response should have been "Piss off wanker"....// thread

[Kmonk]

Originally Posted by bassmatt4792

Had a gig last night at a great little bar in Watertown, NY. It's 1:00am, we're about 1/3 of the way into our last set. I finish playing 'Basketcase' by Green Day (a song I feel as though I do well on; I play it with a pick and add a bunch of fast fills into it). A dude ad his friend seem to be staring at me the whole time (odd, because our guitarist is a showboat). They motion to me to come over and chat. The guy says "hey man, my buddy's a pro bass player; can he sit in with you guys? He knows all the songs better than you." My questions-

What the **** do I say to someone like that? I don't want to be super arrogant because we're trying to be a professional group and keep people around.

What does 'pro bass player' mean to you? Technically, I'm a pro, right? I got the gig and am being paid to play bass in a contractual agreement with the bar...

How do you feel when a 'pro bass player' is watching you like a hawk?

Would you say 'no' on the basis of the guy possibly being a horrible player, or do you just not like strangers on your gear?

Sorry if this is a stupid post, I'm only 20 and I've been playing out in bars for 9 months. It's the first time I've dealt with this. And please no arrogant answers like 'just say no and kept playing'. I'm interested in what everybody has to say.

EDIT: I posted my response to him somewhere in the middle of this thread, but since it's hard to find, I said something to the effect of: (pointing at my vocalist/BL) "It's up to him." It was the first thing that came to mind in this moment of disbelief, even though I a) knew the guy wouldn't ask the singer/BL, b) wouldn't ask the singer/BL myself, and c)knew the singer/BL wouldn't agree anyway. I really don't think the guy/pro friend heard me anyway because we had already started the next song and it was plenty loud. I also have a speech impediment and I probably mumbled/stuttered/stammered too.

Thanks for reading!
Matt

Watertown, NY. I was born there!


First of all, the guy insulted you by saying his buddy can play better than you and then he expects you to let him play. He would have been better off complimenting you even if he didn't mean it.

When someone I don't know wants to sit in I just say "Sorry, I'm not trying to be a jerk but I never let anyone else play my basses due to problems I've encountered in the past. Let me know when and where you are playing and I'll make sure to come see you".

One time when a guy was being belligerent I said "My step father has a private pilot's license but I would never ask the flight crew on a commercial flight if he can take the controls."

By the way, I never, ever ask to sit in with anyone even if its a band that I know. If they want me to join them on stage they will make the offer.