My gift is my curse!! A vent!!!

[mward69]

So here I am, late in my age...I LOVE playing bass..20 yrs of it!
And I sit here now, getting ready to place my gear on Craigslist and put the bass in it's case and walk off stage.
I can play, not being cocky but I can do my job and more on my instrument. Play in a great rock cover band with an incredible singer and drummer {guitar is ok}
What has all this cost me? For one countless relationships with some pretty good women over the yrs, A AWESOME job that I LOVED so I could play out full time, a bit of a drinking problem {my fault} time away from my 9 yr old son, a DUI {my fault} a bar fight with an arrest and charge on me, and more stress than you can imagine.....
It's gone from being fun, to dreading getting on stage, having to get buzzed just to make it fun....I honestly miss the time in the basement with friends, cooking out and just jamming. Before the gigs, the BS of setting up gigs {I am the co-mngr of band} getting bar tabs squared away, getting paid from bars, the drunk chic that wants to talk **** right in front of the wife, that drunk guy that played in the 70's and LOVES Lynard Skynard and wants to jam with the band....
To you younger players...if you take ANYTHING from my whining....make sure you keep it FUN! Stay away from the shots, and unless you plan on doing this for a living...DON"T LET IT INTERFERE WITH YOUR LIVES
Thanks for coming out, please take care of your bartenders and waitress's, we'll see ya next time...good night!!

[de la mocha]

Hey man, don't quit, just put it down for a while.

[xgator4u]

Sounds like musicians burn out to me my friend. Been there/done that. Trust me, it will pass. Any time it becomes a JOB, it loses it's appeal,it's mystique,it's allure, all of the reasons you started playing in the first place. Take a break. Spend some time with the ones you love. When the time comes to pick it back up,,, you will know.

[Stumbo]

IMO, it's the alcohol, not the gig causing your stress.

I suggest you stop drinking, clear your head and see how things go.

Maybe you'll get back in it someday.

Good luck.

[BananaKing]

Originally Posted by Stumbo

IMO, it's the alcohol, not the gig causing your stress.

I suggest you stop drinking, clear your head and see how things go.

Maybe you'll get back in it someday.

Good luck.

+100

It looks like most of the problems in that post were followed by the mention of drinking.

[kesslari]

Agreed here. Get your head clear (probably means clear of drink), put your gear downstairs but keep it. Chill a bit, think things through and get back to having fun.
And find a way to have fun AND hang with your kid - they don't have to be mutually incompatible.

[Zombbg4]

If anything its a sign to chill out and spend time with your kid. You bass will be fine without you for a few years, who knows maybe gain value, but your kid won't.

[sound of bass]

All great advice. I'll add that you're going to miss the music, which will make you more miserable. Dont sell your gear, just take some time.

[blubolt]

Hang up the booze and the pressure - Most of us won't ever be "stars" - Which is reason enough to keep it fun. I play gigs for nothing (I know, I know) and we have a great time. No Drugs, No Booze - Just tunes and fun! no baggage - no regrets. Having a thing with Jesus doesn't hurt but in the long run I would say that keeping your head clear is a HUGE step in the right direction. My .02

[Sartori]

Don't sell your gear off, just take a break. Spend time with your kid. Get back to basics.

[mward69]

Thanks for the advice guys {or gals} honestly the shots and beer came from getting burned out and drinking to make it fun, before the stress of the band I was the avg. red blooded social drinker {cookouts, football games, etc}
I have the wonderful pleasure of telling the band not to book anymore gigs after the ones we have now {like 6 more weekends}
I think the drummer/guitar player will understand..the diva singer will raise cane...oh well.

[two fingers]

I was in the same boat as you minus the arrest and DUI. It had cost me countless family get-togethers, and relationships. I took a break, then got back into it ONLY locally and VERY part-time. I play when I want to now. And I'm able to turn down any gig I want for any reason I want (or no reason at all). This way I can get back to playing for the joy of it. I hope that you are able to find peace, and then play for joy. Best of luck to you!

[FunkMetalBass]

I don't know what your financial situation and gear is like, but if it's easily replaceable for under $2000, I'd take time off of the band, sell the gear, and take a nice family vacation. You'll have time away from alcohol, time with the kid, and you'll be able to live life music free for...well...however long it takes before you want music back in your lif.

Best of luck, man.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by mward69

Thanks for the advice guys {or gals} honestly the shots and beer came from getting burned out and drinking to make it fun, before the stress of the band I was the avg. red blooded social drinker {cookouts, football games, etc}
I have the wonderful pleasure of telling the band not to book anymore gigs after the ones we have now {like 6 more weekends}
I think the drummer/guitar player will understand..the diva singer will raise cane...oh well.

Sounds like she's a headache anyways. She could very well be a big contributer to your stress and drinking. I'd suggest getting out of the band or kicking her out. As a bassist, you're easily employable, and you can likely find other musicians in your area who are also in your shoes. My neighbor has a band that meets once a month to just jam in their garage for hours on end. Probably wont ever play a show, but they like that little bit of playing.

[mward69]

Well the "her" diva is a guy..he had a taste of fame back in the late 80's and still has that mentality. He and I are the band leaders which is enough headache in itself..he books and does all the promo crap, I handle setlist, getting money from the bar owners, getting the band tabs figured out.
Selling my gear isn't really an issue my whole rig cost around $1000 so selling it will help with bills which I really need to get caught up on, and I can buy the rig I WANT later...
by the way..to anyone in the Atlanta area I posted my rig on craigslist $700 for the whole thing
link here
http://atlanta.craigslist.org/msg/1183795111.html
Ampeg CVT classic series HLF 410 about 2 yrs old, 2 SMALL oops from the rack sitting on top
QSC RXM 850
V Amp -pro rack
DOD 15 chan. EQ Left/right
8 space ATA case

[xgator4u]

Best of luck my brother. Keep us posted.

[aquamentus]

Man, this post kind of summed it up for me and I don't really play out that much or am in a "fulltime" band. Ruined friendships (more than one sadly), time away from the kids, playing in a bar I normally wouldn't be caught dead walking into, WAY too much money spent on gear and I never end up with what I want gear wise or band wise. The list goes on and on.

[billoetjen]

Why chuck it all?

You can put it down for awhile and always come back to it when it calls you....

[infamusblkdeath]

i don't think i could ever stop playing....what else would i have to do if i wasn't?? nothing.

[OxJohnson]

Originally Posted by mward69

Well the "her" diva is a guy..he had a taste of fame back in the late 80's and still has that mentality. He and I are the band leaders which is enough headache in itself..he books and does all the promo crap, I handle setlist, getting money from the bar owners, getting the band tabs figured out.
Selling my gear isn't really an issue my whole rig cost around $1000 so selling it will help with bills which I really need to get caught up on, and I can buy the rig I WANT later...
by the way..to anyone in the Atlanta area I posted my rig on craigslist $700 for the whole thing
link here
http://atlanta.craigslist.org/msg/1183795111.html
Ampeg CVT classic series HLF 410 about 2 yrs old, 2 SMALL oops from the rack sitting on top
QSC RXM 850
V Amp -pro rack
DOD 15 chan. EQ Left/right
8 space ATA case

Small world. I just saw your post on CL before trolling by here for the evening. I hope that it all works out in the end for you!

Ox.

[NKUSigEp]

Originally Posted by mward69

So here I am, late in my age...I LOVE playing bass..20 yrs of it!
And I sit here now, getting ready to place my gear on Craigslist and put the bass in it's case and walk off stage.
I can play, not being cocky but I can do my job and more on my instrument. Play in a great rock cover band with an incredible singer and drummer {guitar is ok}
What has all this cost me? For one countless relationships with some pretty good women over the yrs, A AWESOME job that I LOVED so I could play out full time, a bit of a drinking problem {my fault} time away from my 9 yr old son, a DUI {my fault} a bar fight with an arrest and charge on me, and more stress than you can imagine.....
It's gone from being fun, to dreading getting on stage, having to get buzzed just to make it fun....I honestly miss the time in the basement with friends, cooking out and just jamming. Before the gigs, the BS of setting up gigs {I am the co-mngr of band} getting bar tabs squared away, getting paid from bars, the drunk chic that wants to talk **** right in front of the wife, that drunk guy that played in the 70's and LOVES Lynard Skynard and wants to jam with the band....
To you younger players...if you take ANYTHING from my whining....make sure you keep it FUN! Stay away from the shots, and unless you plan on doing this for a living...DON"T LET IT INTERFERE WITH YOUR LIVES
Thanks for coming out, please take care of your bartenders and waitress's, we'll see ya next time...good night!!

Sounds like you been having too much fun in a no-fun zone. Playing bass hasn't cost you nothing besides the price of buying the gear...it's your own dumb fault for making the decisions you made and now you're living with the consequences of your actions. But, on the bright side, sounds like you're coming to terms with it and ya just need to re-prioritize your life and get back on track. Spend some time with your son, get your bills straight, and maybe in the future get back at it.

Keep doing what you been doing and you'll keep getting what you been getting.