My Wife is Awesome - Music vs. Family

jaywa · #1 08-25-2009, 08:28 PM

Seems like lots of threads lately about balancing personal relationships and doing music, so I just wanted to brag on my wife here.

Next week is a major birthday for her, so she and I made plans a couple of weeks ago to go to a music festival over that weekend, a couple hours drive away. Well today I get an e-mail from the leader of a band I sub with sometimes... he had landed a high-profile gig (tailgate party at a local university's opening game at their brand new stadium), and wanted me to play the Saturday my wife and I were going to be away. I asked the bandleader to give me some time, then I FW'd his e-mail to my wife and said I was ready to tell him no, but I just wanted her to know. She said, "for that money it's worth driving back to do it. Go do the gig and leave me here and come back when you're done."

Wow... best part? While he was waiting for my answer, the bandleader sent me another e-mail upping my pay by 50%. WIN!

Yes, I will be treating my wife very well that weekend.

**jmattbassplaya** · #2 08-25-2009, 08:33 PM

That one`s a keeper!

Stumbo · #3 08-25-2009, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaywa

While he was waiting for my answer, the bandleader sent me another e-mail upping my pay by 50%.

[OT]
Just curious, don't you guys divide the money equally? Or does the band leader get the gigs, pay you a standard amount and keep the rest as profit?

How can he increase your pay by 50%? Where does that money come from?

[/OT]

Stumbo · #4 08-25-2009, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaywa

While he was waiting for my answer, the bandleader sent me another e-mail upping my pay by 50%.

[OT]
Just curious, don't you guys divide the money equally? Or does the band leader get the gigs, pay you a standard amount and keep the rest as profit?

How can he increase your pay by 50%? Where does that money come from?

[/OT]

**TheMutt** · #5 08-25-2009, 11:36 PM

Man, your wife is awesome! She wouldn't have a younger sister would she?

WOOFMAN · #6 08-25-2009, 11:37 PM

Take her with you!

jaywa · #7 08-26-2009, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMutt

Man, your wife is awesome! She wouldn't have a younger sister would she?

She has two sisters ... both younger... but trust me you wouldn't want them. I got the best of the bunch by far.

jaywa · #8 08-26-2009, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stumbo

[OT]
Just curious, don't you guys divide the money equally? Or does the band leader get the gigs, pay you a standard amount and keep the rest as profit?

How can he increase your pay by 50%? Where does that money come from?

[/OT]

I don't really know how that works... It's basically the leader's band and he puts the personel together per gig depending on who's available. They call me 6-8 times a year to sub for their regular guy (usually on short notice). The other guys in the band tell me I'm better than the regular guy but there are other reasons it's the regular guy's gig so I'm fine with that.

I've never known if I'm getting the same as everyone else, or more or less. I don't really care cause it's not my main gig and I'm not technically "in" the band. And never really felt like I needed to ask since what I was getting seemed fair to me for the amount of work involved (minimal set-up/teardown, no practice, etc.). This particular time the leader offered my usual amount but for whatever reason came back and upped it. I don't know, maybe if I'm lucky this higher rate will become my new standard with them.

kickstand22 · #9 08-26-2009, 09:04 AM

Yes.....you got a keeper. My wife is very supportive of me playing, on top of work, kids, kids homework, sports, scouts, boating, etc.,etc. It's like what Sam Elliot said in Road House, "I get enough sleep when I'm dead."

jnuts1 · #10 08-26-2009, 11:45 AM

your wife is very cool. i hope mine would do the same.

Stumbo, when i do gigs for other bands i never ask what does every else get paid. if i am getting what i think is a fair price the rest of the guys can do whatever they want.
i have done gigs where i was pretty sure i was the only dude getting paid but my policy is don't ask so it works out if you ask me.

buzzbass · #11 08-26-2009, 01:37 PM

she sounds like a great lady

Demonator · #12 08-26-2009, 01:41 PM

very cool.

MatticusMania · #13 08-26-2009, 01:46 PM

Definitely cool!

I imagine my girlfriend would respond the same way, we never let anything get in the way of a good gig.

mr.hughes · #14 08-26-2009, 01:54 PM

Very cool indeed. I'm also a lucky guy in this way. My wife and I just had our first baby back in February. Barely a month later I left for a four week tour of Germany. No complaints (well, no serious ones), just support and understanding.

I met her at a gig, so she knew what she was getting, but still - this was something else. She rocks.

6jase5 · #15 08-26-2009, 02:44 PM

It's nice having a supportive spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend (one or the other, or I guess both/all if that floats your boat).

I haven't seen many "My wife is incredibly supportive of my music career" threads, but those of us in happy relationships all seem to chime in together.

the few, the proud, the ones that chose wisely.

jaywa · #16 08-26-2009, 03:08 PM

The trick I've found, is to cut her in on some of the bennies. Maybe all your gig money doesn't have to go to new gear... maybe stash a month's worth of your gig pay and clear a weekend off your gigging schedule and take her away someplace and say, "this weekend is on the band". Between my paying gigs and my church commitment I am away from home a LOT (especially on weekends which is really the only time we have together), so I try and find ways to make that up to her.

Not trying to brag here, just saying what has worked for me over the years. Oh yeah and if your wife has a hobby, try to be interested and supportive of it even if it really doesn't interest you at all.

coop · #17 08-26-2009, 03:55 PM

I'm one of the lucky guys as well. My wife and I will celebrate our 26th anniversary next week. She says "I'm happier when you are in a band, because you are happier when you're in a band."

We have watched many of my ex-bandmates and their families split over the years, and it's never a happy story.

JustDavid · #18 08-26-2009, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaywa

The trick I've found, is to cut her in on some of the bennies.

Ah! Drug her!! Great idea!!

Seriously though; thanks for posting this. Good to hear the good stuff as well as the bad.

As I leave a very bad relationship & am a bit pessimistic on relationships, it's very very welcome.

dead_flyboy · #19 08-27-2009, 04:15 AM

My girlfriend is my drummer, so if I have a gig to play, so does she. It's the best way.

Steady Eddie · #20 08-27-2009, 07:51 AM

Hey, your wife sound really cool. I'll swap you a Lakland Skyline for her.