Official Bass Player Offenses & Fines Form

[Craig Garfinkel]

Bass player offenses/fines list
>
> Name of offender _____________________________
> Date of offense(s) _____ / _____ / _______
>
> Musical offenses
>
> Playing loudly during warm up - $10
> Sound-checking amp with funk slapping - $25
> Loud cursing after mistake - $10
> Playing high and fast after mistake - $20
> Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes - $20
> Asking for "E" tuning note - $25
> Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb - $50
> Playing written-out walking line - $50
> Failure to play written walking line - $75
> Writing note names over ledger-line notes - $50
> Writing beat numbers under dotted figures - $50
> Playing eighth notes - $5 each
> Playing sixteenth notes - $10 each
> Playing above 1st octave-immediate dismissal
> Dragging fast tempo - $75
> Dragging ballad tempo - $100
> Blacking out during ballad - $200
> Ignoring drummer's tempo - $100
> Following drummer's tempo - $250
> Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me - $1000
>
> Upright player offenses
>
> Showing up before first downbeat - $25
> Playing audibly - $25
> Faking changes - $25
> Slapping - $150
> Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass - $25
> Excessive sweating - $25
> Pedal point double-stops during horn solo - $50
> Asking leader for a solo - $30
> Accepting solo when offered - $50
> Taking second chorus - $100
> Playing solo arco - $400
> Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune - $25
> Playing "A Train" ending on every tune - $200
> Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune - $500
>
> Electric player offenses
>
> Checking hair between tunes - $15
> Experimenting with odd meters - $25
> Missing root at end of blistering fill - $25
> Playing with a pick - $50
> Tuning during ballad - $30
> Playing Jaco groove on samba - $75
> Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad - $150
> Attempting last word on final chord - $50
> Achieving last word on final chord - $100
> Long gliss down to final note - $200
>
> Equipment violations-electric
>
> Forgetting strap - $10
> Changing strings after every set - $15
> Using electric tuner - $15
> Setting up mic "just in case" - $75
> Forgetting to turn amp on - $40
> Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in
> 1 trip - $50
> Asking horn player for help moving amp - $25
> Bringing custom-made bass - $100 per string above 4
> Bringing more than 1 bass - $100 per extra bass
> Skull decals on bass - $150
> Bringing fretless bass - $500
>
> Criminal bad taste
>
> Telling bone player about all the gigs you get - $10
> Asking bone player about their day gig - $10
> Sitting behind drums on break - $10
> Quoting "Birdland" - $25
> Practicing scales during break - $25
> Practicing scales during drum solo - $50
> Practicing - $150
> Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player" - $50
> Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you
> are "into sequencing" - $100
>
> Basic stupidity
>
> Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt - $10
> Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt - $20
> Asking when the rock set starts - $20
> Continually asking "where are we?" - $25
> Continually shouting "Yeah!" - $25
> Asking bone player where "1" is - $50
> Taking cellphone call during 4's - $100

[CJ_Marsicano]

I know a good one:

Tuning your 5-string bass down a whole step and playing like Fieldy: death by firing squad.

[Dave Castelo]

>Posting for the tenth time the "Official Bass Player Offenses & Fines Form" on Bass Humor Forum - $1000

[Munjibunga]

It's my fault ... last night, after finishing a song with a long gliss on the last note, it reminded me of the list. I told the rest of the band that I have the list somewhere, but probably wouldn't be able to find it. Now I have it again. Craig was just playing into my unusually powerful karma.

[Craig Garfinkel]

Originally posted by Dave Castelo
>Posting for the tenth time the "Official Bass Player Offenses & Fines Form" on Bass Humor Forum - $1000

Where do I send the check?

[Craig Garfinkel]

Well...how 'bout we come up with some new ones then (or has this been done already too)?

More than three wraps of bass strings around posts - $25

More than six wraps - $100

Strings wrapped in the wrong direction around posts - $50

Uncut string ends sticking out a la g**tar players - $400

Telling the g**tar player he isn't loud enough - $500

Playing a "signature model" bass - $50

Playing a Fieldy signature model bass - $4,537.29

Bringing more than two speaker cabs to the gig - $15 per extra cabinet

Having more than six total speakers in all cabs - $20 per extra speaker

[Munjibunga]

Owning a Fodera: $4,600

Owning more than one Fodera: $6,200 per extra Fodera

[Munjibunga]

Owning an Alembic and a Fodera: Death ... by munjibunga

[Chad Michael]

Electric bassist fines, addendum:

Being a $10 player with a $10,000 rig - $1,327

Muddy, whoomping sound that scoots drinks off the tables - $168

Bright sound that buries the hi-hat - $214

Constant droning whole notes all night, not playing the "holes" - $198

[szvonek]

Wearing favorite band's t-shirt at gig: $100

Wearing own band's t-shirt at gig: $500

Shouting out name of town/club between songs: $50

Making "devil horns" to friends in crowd: $25

Any "witty banter" between songs: $10 per joke

Making "witty banter" if you aren't the lead singer: $100 per joke

Walking over to lead guitarist and watching him during solo: $125

Looking at drummer when he screws up: $30

Jumping off a speaker or riser: $200



I'm definitely guilty of a few of those...it was not pretty either people

[fastplant]

Originally posted by szvonek

Making "devil horns" to friends in crowd: $25

Oh no! That one alone will make me broke! Haha, I think I'm guilty of about 95% of what's on this page!

[CJ_Marsicano]

Originally posted by fastplant


Oh no! That one alone will make me broke!

I didn't know danny lilker from anthrax/s.o.d./brutal truth was posting here under an assumed name

cj

[fastplant]

Originally posted by CJ_Marsicano


I didn't know danny lilker from anthrax/s.o.d./brutal truth was posting here under an assumed name

cj

Ssshhhhhh

[Chad Michael]

(I just like that little bandit smily guy...)

[Danny R.]

Originally posted by bimplizkit

Being a $10 player with a $10,000 rig - $1,327

Good one

[ImNotGeddyLee]

guitar player and bass player jumping in unison - $100
guitar player, bass player, and singer jumping in unison - $200
guitar player, bass player, singer, and drummer jumping in unison - $2,000,000
unaccompanied solo (any instrument) - $1000


offenses that I am guilty of:
having more than 4 effects pedals at a gig - $100 for each additional pedal (that about 600 bucks for me)
unknown problem with effects before/during a set - $2000
switching basses more than once in a set - $500
playing a song during your set that has not been rehearsed nearly enough - $1,000
playing a song during your set that you have never played at all - $10,000
singing lyrics away from a mic (when you never even sing backup...) - $300
my most frequent offense-
non stop complaining about all the mistakes you made after a show - $500

[Munjibunga]

Originally posted by bimplizkit
Being a $10 player with a $10,000 rig - $1,327

I don't get it.

[Fuzzbass]

I think I get it, and I think I'm guilty.

[Dave Castelo]

Originally posted by Munjibunga


I don't get it.

1327 + 10 = 1337

or something like that

and please dont tell me you dont understand what "1337" stands for!

[Fuzzbass]

In addition to some of the offenses listed above, I've also been guilty of:

1. Using volume knob as tremolo effect - $100 per instance
2. Plucking open string with right hand and taking photos with left - $350 but officer, it was only during the guitar solo in "Roadhouse Blues"!
3. Cheering the guitarist - $500
4. Cheering the guitarist during or after extended solo - $1000
5. Don't have a mic but still sing along - $50
6a. Spending more than 20 seconds with any stranger who says he can play and wants to sit in with the band - $100 if you don't want to be the bad cop, send him to the guitarist
6b. Stranger is drunk and you say anything besides "No" - $1000
7. Playing a fast flurry of notes at the finale of a song - $100 per flurry