Is it okay if I tell a joke?

#1 07-23-2008, 04:07 PM

It's an old one, but I don't see it posted here, so...

A guy decides to go to a nice, quiet tropical island for his vacation. He gets on the plane and lands on a neighboring isle, gets on a boat and takes it to his little, remote island, gets off and is immediately taken in by all that tropical beauty and beaches half naked hula girls and other tropical island stuff. Like native drums in the distance and all.

As he walks the path to his hotel, he continues hearing the drums and thinks that's kind of cool. He checks in, gets a shower, then goes out to find some supper. All through supper, he hears the drums.

He finishes supper then goes looking for a bar to have a drink. While he's in the bar, the drums continue on.

He goes back to his room rather late and very tired from a long day of traveling, and notices the drums are still going.

All night those drums keep him awake.

All. Night. Long.

The next day, he goes down to the lobby and a porter greets him and asks if he had a nice sleep. (Yes, the drums are still going.)

"Heck no!" Says our sleep-deprive traveler. "I most certainly did NOT have a good sleep. Those blasted drums kept me awake all stinkin' night long!" (Only he used more colorful language.) "What's with those infernal drums, anyway? Can't anyone just make them stop?"

"Oh no!" Says the horrified porter. "Drums no stop."

"What? Why not? They're a nuisance and I'm sick of listening to them. I'm going to complain to the manager if someone doesn't make them stop."

"Oh, sir! No, no, no. Drums never stop. Never. Very bad, drums stop!"

"Why?" Asks our puzzled guest. "What can possibly happen that's so bad if those darned drums stop?"

"Drums stop," Whispers the porter conspiratorially, "Bass solo start."

pa-dum-dum!

NJL · #2 07-23-2008, 04:12 PM

oooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllll lllllllllllddddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!

Ed Fuqua · #3 07-23-2008, 04:16 PM

The alternate is that whenever the guy hears the drums he says, "I don't like the sound of those drums..." after several days of this, a guy sticks his head out of the undergrowth and says "Hey, give us a break, he's not our regular drummer."

#4 07-23-2008, 04:35 PM

I guess that just means that I'll have to tell another one now, doesn't it?

Okay!

**How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?**

Well? How many?

I know! Let's have a little fun with this one.

The rules:
1) Only one punch line per person. (No fair stealing the show!)
2) Gimme one I haven't heard yet. (Not so easy now, huh?)

The winner gets....to be the winner! (C'mon...It's all for the love of the music anyway, right?)

NJL · #5 07-23-2008, 04:37 PM

How do you get a trombone player off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza..

What does a french horn player use for birth control?

Her personality..

brachal · #6 07-23-2008, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarolatSheLives

I
**How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?**

Well? How many?

I know! Let's have a little fun with this one.

The rules:
1) Only one punch line per person. (No fair stealing the show!)
2) Gimme one I haven't heard yet. (Not so easy now, huh?)

The winner gets....to be the winner! (C'mon...It's all for the love of the music anyway, right?)

My favorite answer to this one is, "None. The piano player does it with his left hand." Not new, but good.

StyleOverShow · #7 07-23-2008, 05:39 PM

YEAH... The bass solo joke.

capnsandwich · #8 07-23-2008, 05:49 PM

One of my favorites that I remind my drummer of:

How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they've got a machine that does it.

iamthebassplayr · #9 07-23-2008, 05:55 PM

How many lead singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1... They just hold it in the air and the world revolves around them

How many drummers?

6.... One to hold it up and 5 to drink until the room spins

How many sound engineers?

They don't do lights....

#10 07-23-2008, 06:32 PM

NJL: I hear the pizza guy was a bass player. Hadn't heard the French horn one, so 1/2 point for you since it's not a bass player with a light bulb.

brachal: heard it.

capnsandwich; Good one! But not a bass player. You're tied with NJL

Kevin Myers: I heard it was the guitar player that the world revolved around.
1/2 for the drummer, 1/2 for the sound engineer, which puts you in lead even though you broke rule #1 'cause that's why it's there.

dreadheadbass · #11 07-23-2008, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin Myers

How many lead singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1... They just hold it in the air and the world revolves around them

How many drummers?

6.... One to hold it up and 5 to drink until the room spins

How many sound engineers?

They don't do lights....

genius i'll be robbing them for practice this sunday

KsToaDangr · #12 07-23-2008, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarolatSheLives

**How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?**

E---5---3---5---2---1---
A-------------------------
D-------------------------
G-------------------------

This one always works best when playing air bass, or actually playing it on a bass, but I tried to transcribe it to an online forum

WyrdoBass · #13 07-23-2008, 08:12 PM

the bass solo one, I heard a variation where it was a missionary...
My favorite three

-------------------------------------------------------------

Q)How can a bass player make a million dollars playing?

A)Start with 2 million

---------------------------------------------------------
Q) how do you get a bass player to stop playing?

A) put a piece of sheet music in front of him

--------------------------------------------------------------
Q)What's the difference between a bass guitarist and God?

A) God doesn't think he's a bass guitarist.

NJL · #14 07-23-2008, 11:37 PM

Two women are walking down the street and they see this little frog, "kiss me and i'll turn into a jazz musician!" One girl picks up the frog and put it in her pocket.

The other girl looks at her, "hey, why did you put that frog in your pocket???"

The girl responds, "Everyone knows a talking frog is worth more than a jazz musician."

ashtray · #15 07-23-2008, 11:54 PM

This married couple was on the verge of a divorce. They had stopped communicating and went to see a marriage counselor for help. After asking many questions and getting no where, the counselor takes out a bass guitar and starts playing. Soon afterwards, the married couple start talking again, discuss their issues, thank the counselor and leave. After seeing this, the receptionist remarks "Wow - that's amazing! How did you know that would work?" "Easy..." said the counselor, "Everyone talks during a bass solo!"

Yeah - another old one.

NJL · #16 07-24-2008, 12:02 AM

Dear Abby...
I think my wife is cheating on me. I am a working musician and, as
you would expect, travel a lot. I have been noticing strange things
happening when I get home. Her mobile phone rings and she steps
outside to answer it or she says, "I'll call you back later". When I ask
her who called she gets evasive.
Sometimes she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting
dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of the way. I once
picked up the extension while she was on the phone and she got very angry.

A buddy of mine plays guitar in a band. He told me that my wife and
some guy have been to his gigs. He wanted to borrow my guitar amp.
That's when I got the idea to find out for myself what was really
happening.

I said "sure, you can use my amp but I want to hide behind it at the
gig and see if she comes into the venue and who she comes in with". He
agreed. Saturday night came and I slipped behind my Marshall JCM800 half
stack to get a good view. I could feel the heat coming off the back of the
amp. It was at that moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I noticed
that one of the tubes was not glowing as bright as the other 3.

Is this something I can fix myself or do need to take it to a
technician?

Thanks,
Very Concerned

fretlessman71 · #17 07-24-2008, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarolatSheLives

**How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?**

No idea. Everyone I call already HAS a gig.

machine gewehr · #18 07-24-2008, 07:41 AM

^^^ NJL that was awesome!

**How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?**

One to whine how guitarists get all the credit and the chicks.
One to bash Fieldy.
One to talk about how awesome Jaco was and stuff.
One to whine about "this guy came up to me and said bass is easy1111"
One to fart during a (the) show.
One to pluck something as the others are busy.
Finally,one more to say the drummer "hey you're just hitting stuff,go change the light dumb@** and be useful you human metronome!"

So that makes 7 bassist I guess.

Ed Fuqua · #19 07-24-2008, 09:35 AM

One, but he doesn't want to rehearse.

Psychotic_Hell · #20 07-24-2008, 09:51 AM

Because this is about Jokes, i shall tell one from the Stu Hamm clinic.

"Whats the difference between a Jazz bass player and a Large Pizza?
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The large Pizza can feed a family of 4"