Okay, you will love this one...

**TRichardsbass** · #1 10-28-2010, 11:01 AM

A friend of mine was using my humble abode while I was gone to woo this chick. He got her all excited. He noticed my guitar vault was open and decided he was going to play rockstar. So he took out a bunch of my basses and placed them all over the rooms.

She comes over, and basically is more turned on because she thinks HE is a rockstar. And of course he plays along. Things progress nicely to the point where he decides he can dirty my beds sheets. So into my bedroom they go, and she decides she wants to do it with one of my basses on the bed.

While they were getting warmed up she got her foot caught in the strings. As she was trying to wiggle herself out she noticed the picture of my fiance on the night stand. (My fiance is posed behind one of my basses

She screams, yanks her foot out, jumps off the bed, takes my bass and wacks him over the head, whacks him another dozen or so times, yells at him, grabs her clothes and leaves.

I can't believe it buy I'm laughing like crazy as I'm having the blood professionally removed from my matress and carpet. He'll survive, and he is coming over later with the cash for the cleaning and for the proper burial of the Hartke XK-5 which is now kaput (snapped the neck off, body cracked and the wood on the back of the neck separated from neck/fretboard.

I have yet to see his head (he says 16 stitches and a humongous bruise/bump), a friend told me he is still limping, and judging from the damage to the Hartke I'm guessing he was lucky to escape alive.

Two lessons here:

1. If you are not a rockstar, don't pretend to be unless you know you can pull it off.

2. Check the house you are using for pictures that could be construed as damaging to your mac and hide them before any crazy chick comes over.

Tampabass · #2 10-28-2010, 11:07 AM

funny story, to a point. She sounds like a psycho - your friend is lucky to be rid of her. Being slammed in the head with a bass could have caused quite a bit more damage.

Another lesson: If you're with a psycho chick, don't leave heavy blunt objects within arm's reach.

Phalex · #3 10-28-2010, 11:10 AM

My condolences on the bass.........

Valerus · #4 10-28-2010, 11:12 AM

this is amazing.

kesslari · #5 10-28-2010, 11:13 AM

That is indeed funny. Glad it was a fixable/replaceable bass, and a non-lethal blow to friend.
Kinda dumb to pass off a friend's abode as one's own - too many potential pitfalls.
As illustrated.

**lowfreqgeek** · #6 10-28-2010, 11:14 AM

I wanna see pics of that bass!

Jonyak · #7 10-28-2010, 11:18 AM

I would be charging her with assault.

lowendgenerator · #8 10-28-2010, 11:18 AM

No blood splatter = no story.

BigOldHarry · #9 10-28-2010, 11:19 AM

Hmmmm... I'm not good with letting a buddy nail a gal in my bed... nope, that's not how I roll. If I'm doing him a solid, he can use the couch!

The rest is pretty darned funny

Raymeous · #10 10-28-2010, 11:25 AM

I have to admit I find this story FRIGGIN HILARIOUS!!! Serves him right for being a bass hero poser! Sorry about your loss of the bass, but it's sacrifice for the greater good of legitimate bass players will not be forgotten.

I also tend to agree with BigOldHarry on this one. Of course if he wants to use the guest room....

Bardley · #11 10-28-2010, 11:30 AM

Nice. Posing as something you are not never works out in the end and sometimes (case in point) it gets your a$$ kicked.

I feel sorry for the poor innocent bass.

somegeezer · #12 10-28-2010, 11:36 AM

Not only does he not get to finish... he also gets smacked around and has a bill to pay for doing so. Brilliant. =P Shame about the broken equipment and blood all over your stuff, but at least he's paying for it. No skin off your nose as it were, plus a great story for us all to read. ^_^

Skitch it! · #13 10-28-2010, 11:49 AM

I reckon your friends tastes may run to the 'exotic' perhaps, things that the average woman may find ...depraved or enraging

Great story but extreme, maybe your friend had a lucky escape after all ; )

But the bass didn't : (

lousybassplayer · #14 10-28-2010, 11:54 AM

Too bad you're not an air musician. I feel for your buddy, but if we could choose the severity of our karmic retribution, it wouldn't work very well.

**TRichardsbass** · #15 10-28-2010, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lowfreqgeek

I wanna see pics of that bass!

Sorry lowfreq. I never thought to take pix.

The first clue I had that something went wrong was when I pulled up to my house and saw the Hartke heastock sticking out of my trash can. Bass was full of blood and also was wrapped in all the sheets and my comforter. I didn't want to touch it but I did call my bud immediately to see if he knew anything.

He was trying to get my house cleaned up and everything replaced before I got home from a short tour because while he has keys to my house and I do let him use it some, he didn't give me any heads up about this one and he violated my "don't touch the guitars" rule. He did report it to the police, because he had to call the ambulance. But apparently he didn't get her full name and he couldn't describe anything about her that would help. Basically, he tried macking a one nighter he met somewhere and didn't care to get any details. Figured she'd be in and out and she would never find him again because he used MY house.

The police chief and I are friends, and he and I had a laugh over it as well.

Oh, I'm making a profit on the Hartke...

Classickbass · #16 10-28-2010, 12:00 PM

How funny that it got so brutal!!!! Can we get photos of the guys head? Seriously, this is too good an opportunity to pass up. This kind of tale livens up a guys day, thanks!!! And sorry to hear about your bass. Perhaps some good will come of this and you can use the $$ from your friend to help with G.A.S.

Smokin' Toaster · #17 10-28-2010, 12:00 PM

She didn't ask him to play bass for her? That would have been funny.

This could be the script for an adults only episode of "The Andy Griffin Show" with your friend being the Barney Fife character!!!

Bloodhammer · #18 10-28-2010, 12:02 PM

Wow! That girl is pois-on!

This reminded me of a former roommate back 10 years ago trying to woo some chick with MY guitar. Luckily, she didn't try to kill him with it when I came home from work and told him to get out of my room...

buzzbass · #19 10-28-2010, 12:05 PM

great story, thanks for sharing. kudos to said chick, for having some sort of a moral compass.

Bloodhammer · #20 10-28-2010, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smokin' Toaster

She didn't ask him to play bass for her? That would have been funny.

This could be the script for an adults only episode of "The Andy Griffin Show" with your friend being the Barney Fife character!!!

Somebody pitch this to the writers of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia !!!