Playing my own daughter's wedding - ettiquitte questions

jaywa · #1 04-06-2009, 02:54 PM

So my daughter is getting married this fall and wants my band to play her wedding dance. Very cool as far as I'm concerned, but wondering about a couple things.

1) How do I handle the fee thing? I would be thrilled if my bandmates comped me (since her mom and I will likely be paying for it), but I certainly don't expect that, nor do I plan to ask for it. I'm thinking I will ask them how much they each want and then I will simply play for free to cut the cost by that amount, anyway.

2) During the dance, how to handle the "daddy" (and in my case, "grand-daddy") dances? Obviously I can't play and dance at the same time... and no one else in my band plays bass. Should I try and get one of my bass player friends to sit in on those songs? Or maybe we just play those songs from a CD and the band takes a break? I suppose I will have to keep my tux on for the whole gig which will not be a lot of fun either.

3) Our standard practice is to do a contract and deposit on wedding gigs... should we still be doing that in this case?

Anything else I should keep in mind on this?

guizzy · #2 04-06-2009, 02:59 PM

Keep the groupie action to a minimum; it would probably be bad form to hit on the bridesmaids.

salcott · #3 04-06-2009, 03:00 PM

Pay your bandmates what they would normally make for the gig were it not your daughter. If they want to forgo the money as a gift, it's up to them. Do the special dances from recorded material or just get by for a couple of tunes without a bass player. It's no biggie for a good band. Be sure they get fed!!!

bongomania · #4 04-06-2009, 03:03 PM

Keep the drinking to a reasonable minimum.

crijan · #5 04-06-2009, 03:04 PM

Usually the father of the bride is quite busy greeting all the wedding guests, would it be an option to sub the bass out for half the gig to split time?

fenderx55 · #6 04-06-2009, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crijan

Usually the father of the bride is quite busy greeting all the wedding guests, would it be an option to sub the bass out for half the gig to split time?

Yeah, I'm neither a father or married, and I love playing out as much as the next guy, but do you think maybe you'd be missing out on something here? I feel like I'd want to be hanging out with the family... depending on how much you actually enjoy your family as people.

jaywa · #7 04-06-2009, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crijan

Usually the father of the bride is quite busy greeting all the wedding guests, would it be an option to sub the bass out for half the gig to split time?

Good point. But, I think the reception line is actually going to be done in the church beforehand so I can get that out of the way there and be off the hook for the dance. Also her bio-dad will be in attendance so maybe he can handle those duties at the dance.

Good thoughts, keep them coming.

jaywa · #8 04-06-2009, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guizzy

Keep the groupie action to a minimum; it would probably be bad form to hit on the bridesmaids.

Yah, especially since two of the bridesmaids are her sisters!

Actually my bigger concern is keeping my bandmates (well a couple of them, anyway) off my daughters and their friends... some of whom are quite hot.

BigOldHarry · #9 04-06-2009, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guizzy

Keep the groupie action to a minimum; it would probably be bad form to hit on the bridesmaids.

I was just gonna say that...

But there is no more fertile hunting ground than a wedding gig...

**Thor** · #10 04-06-2009, 03:13 PM

You know the TB rules:

No pics, no hot bridesmaids, grandpa.

bongomania · #11 04-06-2009, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crijan

Usually the father of the bride is quite busy greeting all the wedding guests, would it be an option to sub the bass out for half the gig to split time?

You know what would suck though, is if the sub he hired ended up having to bow out and call in their own sub... and if that sub showed up with a six string fretless...

thombo · #12 04-06-2009, 03:32 PM

make plenty of awkward comments to or about your new son-in-law... you know what he's after, hope he finds a real job soon, think he needs to slow down on his celebratory toasts, etc.

jaywa · #13 04-06-2009, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bongomania

You know what would suck though, is if the sub he hired ended up having to bow out and call in their own sub... and if that sub showed up with a six string fretless...

YES! LOLOL! Well played, bongo.

Febs · #14 04-06-2009, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bongomania

You know what would suck though, is if the sub he hired ended up having to bow out and call in their own sub... and if that sub showed up with a six string fretless...

thetaxmiser · #15 04-06-2009, 03:38 PM

1. Pay them what they usually make for a casual.
2. Feed them well.
3. Hire a sub and play as much as you like...that way you can play it by ear as far as balancing father-of-the-bride and bass player duties.
4. Relax and enjoy the day (your little girl is all grown up, etc.)

jnuts1 · #16 04-06-2009, 03:39 PM

my sister just asked me to write/play a solo bass piece for when she walks down the aisle. i am completely freaking out. i have never played solo like this before. would 3/4 time be hard to walk to?

wilsonn · #17 04-06-2009, 03:39 PM

I am also a photographer, and have been asked to photograph many weddings of personal friends and relatives. It's a conflict of interest. You're going to miss out on one of the important events in your family's life.

You could hire a band that would allow you and your bandmates to sit in for a song.

You could sub out the bass chair and sit in with your band for a couple of songs.

It's very sweet that your daughter wants you to play, but you have another key role that day.

finalrequiem · #18 04-06-2009, 03:41 PM

*sigh* I suppose we won't be getting any updates to the "Chicks at shows" thread from this one, will we? Oh well...

**Thor** · #19 04-06-2009, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wilsonn

I am also a photographer, and have been asked to photograph many weddings of personal friends and relatives. It's a conflict of interest. You're going to miss out on one of the important events in your family's life.

You could hire a band that would allow you and your bandmates to sit in for a song.

You could sub out the bass chair and sit in with your band for a couple of songs.

It's very sweet that your daughter wants you to play, but you have another key role that day.

I am going to have to give that comment one big thumbs up.

Arrange to let them have you sit in on a few, but take most
of the day off.

jaywa · #20 04-06-2009, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wilsonn

I am also a photographer, and have been asked to photograph many weddings of personal friends and relatives. It's a conflict of interest. You're going to miss out on one of the important events in your family's life.

You could hire a band that would allow you and your bandmates to sit in for a song.

You could sub out the bass chair and sit in with your band for a couple of songs.

It's very sweet that your daughter wants you to play, but you have another key role that day.

Personally I think my band is going to sound pretty bad with someone else on bass since we've been together for 4 years and they've never done a gig without me before. I know that sounds very arrogant of me but I think they would be very nervous being in that situation with someone else on bass. We have a very good reputation around here and I/they would not want that compromised. And they're not going to want to put in a bunch of practice time to get a sub up to speed cause that's just not how we roll. But you have raised some valid points and I will give it some more thought and make double darn sure she is OK with me being onstage most of the night.