Please List Stereotypes and Characters with Whom we Play

[Blah114]

Here are the characters that recur; please add to them if I have missed anything.. Another thread sparked this.. I found it humorous.. Let's assume you need to have been in a few bands/playing out for at least a few years/toured to know some of the below.. but you never know..

[please note this is meant to be both truthful and humorous.. if your skin is thin.. or you don't have a sense of humor.. then you might get offended by this--this is why I am posting this.. read this carefully.. in "THE BASS HUMOR" section.. the bands I am in now have VERY LITTLE of these characteristics.. almost none of them.. and I love my current bands]

1) the guitarist that does not do homework.. shows up and can hardly play songs.. or maybe only knows the new stuff agreed upon.. he'll nail the new songs.. but pull up some older songs.. and he is in the wrong key.. the guy practices only every so often.. usually a practice or show is his only motivation.


2) the stoner.. the guy smokes weed beyond moderation.. lectures people.. spends 10x the time TALKING about the band (vs playing) and its "plans..." or "takeover of the local scene..." The ideas go from one to the next.. "Let's do Foghat.." then later "Dude.. let's not do Foghat.." then "Let's do Lady Gaga.." followed by "Let's do the Moody BLues.. what?? orchestra?? so what.. I can play the violin parts on my guitar, man.."

3) the moody person... the guy is happy.. then unhappy.. hard to get along with.. why? because he's "an artist.." or just a prick.. (usually this guy is nice when he's a #2 and high.. )

4) The "cool guy.." who is "too cool to play that one song, dude..." or "no way we're playing Jessie's Girl.. every band does that..." the guy adds in Fuel songs, etc.. that clear a dance floor like a bomb goes off, yet keeps demanding the band play either old/obscure songs people can't dance to/know.. or plays songs only he/she already happens to know (even if it happens to be Green Day songs like "When I Come Around..." or Him songs that people vaguely knew in 1991..)

5) The guy with the gear.. the guy who holds a band together or breaks the band up.. demands extra money for shows because he's bought the gear, lights, etc.. and transports it.. and he's right.. I agree.. he deserves more money for the extra work. sometimes, this guy demands you help with the gear before and after the show.. that's fair also.. but it can create/stir sh_t up in a band..

6) the drunk.... the guy who can hardly walk at night's end and cannot do the solo from Back in Black or You Shook Me because he's so hammered.. you look at the side of his stage and you see 7+ beer bottles.. and realize the waitress has likely already cleared his area at least once.. Applies to drummers that start the wrong songs..

7) the website/flyer/bookin guy/gal.. the person who gets all the shows, or most of them.. and pushes things along.. sometimes this person is quiet.. but dedicates more time to a band than anyone can fathom..

8) "The Parent.." yes, the parent.. the guy who constantly talks about his kids being the priority (as they should be, but please shut up.. we get it.. ) the guy who continually bails on practices, etc because his kid has a pinewood derby, soccer game, etc.. the guy who can't learn new songs, etc.. because "Dude, I have kids.. they come first.." to which I reply, "then why the f_ck are you in a band???? go play soccer with your kids and we'll get someone who's into this..." the guy shows up late for shows, practices, because "my wife had to work late.." etc, etc, etc, etc.. when the other band members practice, show up on time.. and endure endless hours about the guy talking about his kids.. (if this guy is divorced, for whatever reasons. it complicates things even worse.. with multiple families, etc).

9) The Texter.. usually a drummer, because he's sitting down.. the guy who cannot avoid texting and has his phone glued to his _ss... even during live shows, he's texting away, facebooking, etc.. he often feels his phone vibrating when it doesn't.. and generally places his phone near his crotch so he can get sexually excited when his friends text him with "OMG, RAMLAFO>ASDADASDLK" etc.

10) Ther Rejecter... the guy in a band who's "too cool" or unavailable to do this show, that show.. or that song.. and continually rejects show offers because it's too far, the pay is not enough, and is always b_tching about the shows the other members are booking.. generally a guitarist, but I've heard about quite a few bassists that are like this..

11) The Singer.. the guy who decides it all.. if he or she is bad.. the band may as well pack it up.. because ppl can't get past bad vox.. or someone who can't work the crowd.. this is really what breaks most bands up.. either people are too nice and live with bad vox, pick songs that make the singer sound bad.. or the singer forces the band to pick only songs he/she can comfortably sing.. narrowing down variety.. if you don't talk to this person honestly, bad habits linger for months.. like reading lyrics live.. cursing between songs.. drinking a beer between songs, thanking the wrong club (it's happened), or just being off pitch.. if you see people holding their ears during vox, there’s a problem..

12) The Cover Band Snob--the guy/gal who's in a cover band and scoffs at how cover bands are "cheesy.." etc.. and look down on cover band shows.. while their own original bands' shows are usually for free, etc.. sometimes, these guys move on to HUGE original bands.. my problem is.. don't rip the cover band while you play in one..

13) The Accurist..: I like this guy, though.. I am like him also.. the guy who wants people to play parts EXACTLY like on records... and points this fact out to people.. this can, however, be taken to a level of absurdity.. where a guy is explaining the pauses and "nuances" in Hard to Handle by the Black Crowes... or Small Things... or Laid.. by JAmes..

14) "I'll be Late..": the guy who is late always.. even if by 5 minutes.. (or an hour+).. whether it is traffic, etc.. I was in a band with a singer who was always late.. and all he carried was his mic and stand.. he was late for shows.. practices, we ended up firing him because it got so bad. Such a great singer too.. he showed up at the wrong club once also.. then called us.. wanting to know if the show was given to a different band.. I think he was a bit of a #2 with the marijuana, which might explain it..

15) The "Any Song will do Well if We Do it Well" guy: a guy who thinks you can play Slayer, Metallica, and anything at a club with women and expect them to dance.. from Taking Back Sunday to other obscure stuff that is popular, yet hardly known by people that go to bars.. Fuel, etc.. same deal.. the guy thinks it does not matter if people don't dance.. (yet doesn't do the booking or get shows).

16) Wannabe Bar Owner Strategist: a guy/gal who thinks he or she knows how to run a bar better than the owner.. (and likely does), and insists on telling the owner ideas.. "get rid of the cover.." .. "mark up your drinks..." etc.. the owner always says, "Yeah.. I can think about that.." rarely does either party know how to run a bar.. sometimes, good relationships are forged.. I have collaborated with bar owners on ideas.. some have worked and others have not.. but generally, an owner is NOT interested in a band's ideas as to running the bar.. right or wrong.. but I have played with people that profusely feel the need to give ideas to management/owners at night's end (instead of loading out).

17) the Classified Ad guy..: the guy/gal who posts classified ads all the time for starting up a band.. even often under aliases.. over a period of many years.. a revolving door for whatever reason.. whether cover or original.. everyone has seen this/heard about it.. a guy who just is always posting ads to either join a band.. or start on.. and sometimes these guys are GREAT players..

18) The Incompetent Bar Owner: the guy/gal whose club stinks, is dirty.. and you fear using the bathroom even to wash your hands.. the owner expects bands to magically bring entire crowds of 80+ people to every show.. never promotes bands.. charges a cover.. and no matter how many people come to the club you hear "man, the night was slow.." from the bar owner.. you talk to other bands in the area and hear he/she tells THEM the same story.. and has the same expectations (bring the ENTIRE crowd without an ounce of promoting the club/cleaning it). Usually this club has serious electrical problems also..

19) The Mystery Guitarist.. is he great? or does he suck??-- the person who can shred.. play Eruption, Rush, other stuff.. suspended chords.. even knows theory.. but live can't do solos from Talk Dirty to Me.. or chord progressions in Motley Crue songs..

20) Bedroom player... the guy/gal who is great on youtube.. GREAT.. but somehow live just doesn't "groove" or play well with bands..

21) The guy with bad gear... -- like a pair of underwear with holes in it (the gear).. the guy whose gear is literally on its last legs.. and it's starting to get noticeable live.. like tubes failing.. strings breaking constantly (due to cheap strings/ bad setup)... amp cutting in and out.. the person sometimes refuses to get rid of that gear or at least get it repaired.. drummers with ductape on their cymbals which sound "short" .. generally some of the best players in the area also..

22) The person in denial/who cares..: the person who replies to this thread with "I must be lucky," etc "I don't have this.." etc.. that's like going through a McDonald's drive thru without ordering anything, saying, "Hi, nothing for me, thanks.." and then driving off (yet having waited 20+ minutes in line to do so). Or it would also be like replying to a Markbass amp question thread, and I've seen this on talkbass, with, "Nope, .. I don't have that amp.."

[kcole4001]

I've played with these:

Numbers 1 and 2 are usually combined in the same person, IME. You know, the guy you have to re-teach every song at every gig, never practices at home, usually grows his own stuff....

Number 5 usually gets frustrated and starts his own band, where he gets to make the rules. These guys usually are the most productive and are often the best to play with.

Number 6 for me was a drummer, who would show up late, get liquored, start fist fights with patrons or band members, and generally slag anyone who he thought couldn't hear him.

Here's an addition:

The weasel: the guy who joins a band only to try to force someone out and take his place. Usually has very bad judgement and no clue how to work with anyone constructively. Often great to talk gear with outside of the band, just don't let him in.

[doctorpunch]

I read #2 and thought "Great, another guy on a pedestal"

[Blah114]

Originally Posted by kcole4001

I've played with these:

Numbers 1 and 2 are usually combined in the same person, IME. You know, the guy you have to re-teach every song at every gig, never practices at home, usually grows his own stuff....

Number 5 usually gets frustrated and starts his own band, where he gets to make the rules. These guys usually are the most productive and are often the best to play with.

Number 6 for me was a drummer, who would show up late, get liquored, start fist fights with patrons or band members, and generally slag anyone who he thought couldn't hear him.

Here's an addition:

The weasel: the guy who joins a band only to try to force someone out and take his place. Usually has very bad judgement and no clue how to work with anyone constructively. Often great to talk gear with outside of the band, just don't let him in.

I played with a #6 before, but he did not start fights.. he got "lovey" on women and hung all over them.. he then had fights started because of him.. he would also smoke cigarettes while playing.. I think that looks bad.. but one time, the cigarette fell atop his snare drum and he was unaware.. it burned through the head of the snare.. and you could smell a burn plastic, disgusting smell.. he kept playing.. at night's end.. he stood up and fell over.. he could hardly walk.

a #5 is what holds the band together.. agreed.. so long as he/she does not become a dictator.. in any band I have played in, we address this immediately.. "$50 goes to the guy driving with the PA and board and lights..." if he's not bringing everything, then we sort it out.. but it is only fair.. then I don't feel guilt when the guy is lugging gear at his/her house.. you cannot have a band without a PA/mix.. lol.. however, there are #5s that demand you go to his/her home before/after each show.. that's insane also.

[Beginner Bass]

The Ignoramus: Feels that theory will "Limit" him. Doesn't read music, and only reads tabulature. As a result, when asked for the chord progression, he never knows. When asked to play a dominant chord, his response is "a what?". Often talks about how "Hendrix never used theory!".

[Blah114]

Originally Posted by Beginner Bass

The Ignoramus: Feels that theory will "Limit" him. Doesn't read music, and only reads tabulature. As a result, when asked for the chord progression, he never knows. When asked to play a dominant chord, his response is "a what?". Often talks about how "Hendrix never used theory!".

The Ignoramus.. is usually the "cool guy" who's too cool to know theory.. but I agree.. I once played with a guitarist who was actually decent.. but did not know what keys he was in.. yet he could nail Rush and other material.. weird. He had a gift.. yet.. he refused to learn scales, keys, or theory. That guy, nowadays, is playing live in cover bands around my area and is a top guitarist.. he now knows theory, keys, and can read music.. more power to him..

[gregoryisrael]

The aurally impaired: The guy who's tone is just.... bad, and doesn't quite have to the ear, or the sense, or the experience, or even the TASTE to realize it. Can be hard-headed for no reason when comments like "your guitar has more bottom than the bass!" or "your instrument sounds like an an angry computer!" fly his way.

Another variant of this is: the guitarist that has to be TOLD by other band members (even the drummer) that his instrument is out-of-tune. And THEN he tells the bassist to re-tune becuase the bass has less strings.

And the HARMONICALLY-IMPAIRED: The guy who always leaves me saying, out-loud or to myself, "what makes you think those notes sound good together?!?!"

[PJSShearer]

I would say that if :

...the singer forces the band to pick only songs he/she can comfortably sing. ....

the singer is being sensible - unless someone else in the band can sing the other songs he/she can't.

Hey, there's no point in spending a couple of weeks working on "Roundabout" by Yes if the Girl singer can't hit the high notes (as has happened to me) !!.

[Blah114]

Originally Posted by PJSShearer

I would say that if :

...the singer forces the band to pick only songs he/she can comfortably sing. ....

the singer is being sensible - unless someone else in the band can sing the other songs he/she can't.

Hey, there's no point in spending a couple of weeks working on "Roundabout" by Yes if the Girl singer can't hit the high notes (as has happened to me) !!.

yes, but I am talking about when a guy/gal refuses, outright to even try things.. and relegates the band to his/her choices.. I know not everyone can sing everything..

[zachoff]

Threads like this make me appreciate my band.

[LiamPodmore]

Originally Posted by zachoff

Threads like this make me appreciate my band.

Same here. I have none of these 'Characacters' in either of my bands. They are only my 2nd and 3rd bands, but i am yet to experience any of these. The guitarist in my main band has not learnt a song for practice once, but i don't think once is enough to say anything to be honest.

Liam

[Blah114]

Originally Posted by LiamPodmore

Same here. I have none of these 'Characacters' in either of my bands. They are only my 2nd and 3rd bands, but i am yet to experience any of these. The guitarist in my main band has not learnt a song for practice once, but i don't think once is enough to say anything to be honest.

Liam

I have been in.. maybe 20 bands + another 60 sit-ins/substitute deals.. over 30 years.. it'll likely happen eventually that you'll either play with some of these people or meet them along the way.

[BassBob1]

i've played with 1,2,3, and 5. And i guess i'm guilty of being a 10 once. But in my own defense the gig was 3 1/3 hrs. from where I live and for no pay. I also played there before and it is kinda a crappy venue.

[Blah114]

Originally Posted by BassBob1

i've played with 1,2,3, and 5. And i guess i'm guilty of being a 10 once. But in my own defense the gig was 3 1/3 hrs. from where I live and for no pay. I also played there before and it is kinda a crappy venue.

LOL.. a lot of us have been 1-10.. or 9.. there's a fine line between giving your band away.. and turning down too many shows for comfort.. I was once offered a deal 3 hours away.. for $300.. I said no.. I was once offered a free show (no pay!) 10 minutes away.. I said yes. I am not the best bassist in the world, but I get called for fill in work a lot.. you cannot do every show.. there are reasons to turn shows down.. 2 bands ago.. we had a guitarist that turned down shows.. we talked about it.. the stats did not lie.. for whatever reasons, because of the guitarist alone, the band had turned DOWN 30+ shows in one year because of that guy.. we let him do another show and fired him.. it was not pleasant.. he was never available and when he was.. he complained about the drive, his gear, etc.. I wish him well, but he was a #10 + a #2.. I told him he could get a haircut and smoke his own hair to get high.. I also find humor in bands.. and don't enjoy being so serious that a band cannot have fun.. but if the people are not dancing, having fun, and it's because of the above then there's a problem.

[oniman7]

How about the shredder? This guy shows up to jam, doesn't want to play anything non shreddy/bluesy, and doesn't want to take the time to learn a lot of theory stuff or more complex music.


Or the purist. Only wants to play true "art", doesn't believe in shredding without good reason (or at all), won't play simple 4/4 stuff or I IV V chord changes, etc. Wants to challenge the listener.

Imagine having these two guys as your guitarists...

[Beej]

Two more:

The Noodler: Constantly playing his/her instrument from the time s/he gets into the space and sets up 15 minutes before everyone else gets there and doesn't let up; not for discussion, tuning up, bathroom/smoke breaks or the song being over at a gig.

The Criticizer: Nitpicking every last thing about everyone else's issues and/or foibles behind their backs in a highly sanctimonious manner in some online forum by making grand lists of sweeping generalizations presented as quintessential fact. They are usually single, quietly disliked by their bandmates and lack insight into their own issues and the impact they have on others.

[EdHunter]

I'm the #6 of our band, and have a guitarist who combines just about all the others....

[mboogiemanusa]

I probably started out as the gear / pa / practice room guy in my current band but never considered demanding more cash then the other members because I realize that everyone brings something special to the table.

Here is a few more I've stumbled across.

The sexual scoundrel - the band member that has no boundaries on who to hit on for sex - especially after a few drinks. Your wife, girlfriend, your wife's girl friends, your friends wives, the club owners wife, underage girls are all fair game. Eventually this musician always gets fired for embarrassing the band because the penis does all the thinking.

The overactive lifestyler - the band member that tries to cram in too many other physical things with his buddies on the days that the band has important gigs. Example - member agrees to play a 36 hole golf tournament 100 miles out of town same day as a gig.

[pie_man_25]

Originally Posted by Beej

The Noodler: Constantly playing his/her instrument from the time s/he gets into the space and sets up 15 minutes before everyone else gets there and doesn't let up; not for discussion, tuning up, bathroom/smoke breaks or the song being over at a gig.

I think I'm this guy, when I'm at practice, I ALWAYS play, even when we're discussing things after practice, I've always got a bass or guitar or ukulele or mandolin in my hands and am playing something. Of course, between songs I turn my volume knobs all the way down or just put the amp into standby or mute and after practice I'm unplugged, but I'm always playing something.

[Sketchy]

The Steven Wilson - Give them anything (guitar, keyboards, banjo, violin, your bass, drums...) and they seem to be able to play it, and if you play one riff at them, they'll turn it into a song and use it in a way you had not intended, but the worst bit is that it sounds better than what you'd had, so you can't really complain about it.