Ran across this while clearing old e-mails

[maestrovert]

While clearing out old e-mails, i ran across the following that i received from a friend long ago.
i have no idea if it was true or not, but he said it was legitimate.
i thought it was funny enough to save anyways:

From: <ivorytickler@********.net>,

Subject: Fw: Re: Booking your band
Date: Wed, 29 May 2002 18:37:28 -0700

Dear Bandleader:

We look forward to your performance at our daughter's wedding reception June 8th. If you don't mind, we would like to request a few of our favorite songs.

Please play these at the beginning of the reception:
A Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please arrange it for full ensemble in the key of B but nothing in 4/4 please.
The Mahavishnu Orchestra's "Dance of the Maya" and please have the guitarist play John McLaughlin's solo from the Nov. 16th 1972 performance at the Chrysler Arena. My husband and I attended that show and we really liked his use of polyrhythms.
Also, one or two of John Coltrane's duets with Pharaoh Sanders. Our guests just love high register tenor saxes.

We thought a little Stravinsky right after the toast would be quite nice. So please play "The Rite of Spring." We like a tempo of about 1/4 note = 93...Oh, and transpose it down 3 half-steps - it will be so much more appropriate for this occasion in the slightly lower register.

Then for the candle lighting ceremony, please play Frank Zappa's "The Grand Wazoo." The original key of B flat would ordinarily be fine but my cousin Jeannie would like to sing the baritone sax solo in the key of D.

When my new son-in-law takes off the garter, please just a little of Varese's "Ionization." It's such a funny piece, we think it would go over real well. Much better than "The Stripper."

For the Bride & Groom's first dance, please slow things down a bit with Barber's "Adagio For Strings." It's so much better than "We've Only Just Begun" or the "Anniversary Waltz" don't you think ?

When my husband and I join in the first dance, segue to Thelonius Monk's "Ruby, My Dear" - it's in honor of my husband's Grandmother whose name was Ruby. It would mean so much to the family.

Thanks for all your help. Depending on the outcome we'll certainly be happy to recommend you to our friends !

Our daughter has assured us that your love of music was greater than your need for money, and that you would welcome the exposure that you would get from playing this wedding, so we'll have your check for $200 ready by the end of next month: Please understand that we're just a little short as the young lady doing the balloon arch wanted her $1,850 in cash in advance and the DJ also had to be paid his $2,500 up front as normal, not to mention the photographer's, caterer's, wedding party, Honeymoon and Wedding gift expenses !

Before you leave, please feel free to ask the caterer for a snack and a soda (remember to either return the bottles or pay the deposit to our Butler).
Please use the back entrance to avoid disturbing the guests.
Sincerely yours,
Alice Gates

[mytmous]

What the deuce?!!... On so many levels.

[oerk]

There are no words...

[fryBASS]

LOL... that's a joke, right?? right???!!?

[dmusic148]

THAT is absolutely hilarious. Would have been even better if it began with .."we look forward to your performance at our daughter's wedding reception this weekend..."

[joebingo]

Wow.

[Rick Auricchio]

C'mon, it's a gag.

[Obe]

I remember that one! I showed it to a friend of mine who played in a wedding band and he said some parts are frighteningly familiar...one that sticks out is instead of the meal at the reception, they asked what the band wanted from D'Angelo's (sandwich shop, not sure how regional they are).

[MonetBass]

Yes, it's a joke people. Geez.

Seen it before, but it still makes me laugh.

[FunkMetalBass]

Originally Posted by Obe

I remember that one! I showed it to a friend of mine who played in a wedding band and he said some parts are frighteningly familiar...one that sticks out is instead of the meal at the reception, they asked what the band wanted from D'Angelo's (sandwich shop, not sure how regional they are).

The only D'Angelo's I can think of is an automotive paint store a couple miles away from me.

If that's what they offered the band...

[anonymous02282011]

very funny. thanks!

[varunkapahi]

ive read this before here

[Rob Lewis]

It would be nice to actually be able to do it, though...

[totallyfrozen]

Originally Posted by MonetBass

Yes, it's a joke people. Geez.
...

If you even have to ask...

[fenderfunker]

I can relate to that. Very good.

[cnltb]

That's excellent!

[rhythmsection]

Originally Posted by maestrovert

For the Bride & Groom's first dance, please slow things down a bit with Barber's "Adagio For Strings." It's so much better than "We've Only Just Begun" or the "Anniversary Waltz" don't you think ?

Wasn't Barber's Adagio For Strings the main title theme from Platoon?

I wish this were real. I'd sort of like to crash this wedding...tee hee

[distortedbass93]

that is so funny!

[anthowl]

thing that's kinda saddening is i have no doubt that such a situation has come up at some point.