The saga continues: the legendary 'Farting During a Show' Fart II Thread

[Stewie26]

Our lead guitar player had been sick with food poisoning but said he was feeling better and could make practice. Before he even gets his guitar out of the case he rips a long loud one. He says, "Sorry boys, but I just let an atomic fart." We say, " Whats an atomic fart?" The guitar player says, " Its a fart with some fall out." Now were all laughing our butts off as we quicky bail the room. Needless to say we sent him home so he could shower and change pants.

[Mr Grady]

my drummer, who is a top bloke, and i share the farting details in our band.

we always help pack up after each gig/practise....but noone dares to carry his drum stool for him...........

and check this out....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAJFBHA5H-E

[Commodore 64]

I have a condition wherein the left side of my lower groin area gets swollen easily. One doctor has used the term hydrocele during my annual physical exams and suggested I follow up with a urologist. That was advice I ignored, of course, until I happened to be at urologist getting snipped. I'm paraphrasing here, but the urologist said it's kind of like an incipient hernia, I think. I quit listening when he said it wasn't life threatening. Anyways, it causes mild discomfort from time to time and often manifests after I spend the afternoon sawing big logs, or lifting cinder blocks or other manly things. As you can imagine, my wife is intimately familiar with this phenomenon of my psoas major.

Yesterday, we were in the shower, she says, "OMG, look how swollen you are. Have you been dead lifting cars again?" OK, that last part isn't true. But it was some kind of interrogative statement to which I had to reply, "No dear, I was reading a forum thread about bass players farting at work today and the physical effort required to stifle laughter actually aggravated my groin".

True story.

[bassman314]

Originally Posted by Commodore 64

I have a condition wherein the left side of my lower groin area gets swollen easily. One doctor has used the term hydrocele during my annual physical exams and suggested I follow up with a urologist. That was advice I ignored, of course, until I happened to be at urologist getting snipped. I'm paraphrasing here, but the urologist said it's kind of like an incipient hernia, I think. I quit listening when he said it wasn't life threatening. Anyways, it causes mild discomfort from time to time and often manifests after I spend the afternoon sawing big logs, or lifting cinder blocks or other manly things. As you can imagine, my wife is intimately familiar with this phenomenon of my psoas major.

Yesterday, we were in the shower, she says, "OMG, look how swollen you are. Have you been dead lifting cars again?" OK, that last part isn't true. But it was some kind of interrogative statement to which I had to reply, "No dear, I was reading a forum thread about bass players farting at work today and the physical effort required to stifle laughter actually aggravated my groin".

True story.

This is why I have cultivated the image of someone who giggles randomly. No one notices, anymore.

[nutso42]

Originally Posted by bassman314

This is why I have cultivated the image of someone who giggles randomly. No one notices, anymore.

Isn't it wonderful when that happens?

[Megas3300]

I REALLY need to stop reading these in class... My professor is probably wondering what is so damn funny about digital systems design.

[lang3735]

Originally Posted by Instagator

O.K.here's my second story

First off...sorry mister Jive I didn't know that that was your place...next time I come to the shop I'll bring some of those pine tree air fresheners.I did notice that E.A no longer makes those stink holding fuzzy cabinets.Coincidence???who knows.

Here we go...Years ago my band played one of those the "Our company made lots of money this year" parties.I know that many of you all have played corporate gigs and are well aware of the set up.

This gig was at a Holiday Inn conference center.The kind of room that can be partitioned off with sliding panels.I think that the main hall could have been split six ways,but at this event thay used the whole room.They had a stage against one wall where we set up that was also to be shared with CEO during presentations.

These gigs are a starving players dream...Our first set was to be one and a half hours,followed by presentations of bonuses,happy talk..."We did great this year..wait till next year"..followed by another one and a half hour set to close out.Anyway you get the picture.

The owners of the company were very cool.They set us up with a band table in the very back of the hall and we were invited to partake in the open bar.They had four different bars setup in each corner.We also got to hit the buffet table after everyone else went through.

The first set went great.folks were dancing right off the bat.I'm sure that the open bar played a big part in that.When we stopped playing they opened the buffet.Everyone had plenty to eat when a somewhat drunken CEO took to the stage.Not Foster Brooks drunk but tipsey...but hey it's his company.They set up a podium that was tied into the house P.A. system with overhead speakers.I don't know what gave me the idea but when we stashed all of our drum boxes an guitar cases behind a wall curtain I noticed a wall jack with several mike inputs.They were placed at several locations in the room.As the presentation went on things got looser and the boss was actually very funny.It was almost like one of those Dean Martin roasts from back in the day.

Call me a bad person,but something made me go behind the curtain,back where we were sitting and get a spare mike out of the gear box.I pluged it into the remote jack....guess what....Hot mike!!!On the house system.Only two other guys in the band knew what I was up to.I couldn't trust the others to keep a straight face.Carefully I placed the 57 on the back of my chair, with the chair against the wall curtain.At just the right time..as the speaker paused between breaths I let go what I thought was going to be a small fart.Well those plastic fold up chairs are like a bass drum head.I must say..The mike mix was perfect,so was the timing.From my vantage point you see people look up right at the stage and start to laugh.Even the speaker looked behind himself as if to say "where the hell did that come from?It may have taken a full 60 seconds for him to regain composure"In my shock at producing a not so small poot,I carefully removed the the mike from the jack and stashed the offending tool.

Thinking I had just pulled off one of the best band fart capers to date...A hand touched my shoulder from behind...Excuse me...My blood turned cold.

A man in a black tux holding a tray of five beers and some shots.He still had leftover tears in his eyes.I had forgotten that one of the satellite bars in the back of the room had a direct sight line past us ..to the stage.The bartender watched the caper from begining to end.He claimed to have worked at this place for fifteen years and had never seen anything like that and had never laughed so hard.He had to bring a round to the table.As far as I knew he and the band were the only ones in on the truth.

The second set went better than the first and the "speaker fart" was a topic until our last piece of equiptment was loaded.

With much respect to the man who started this thread,Thank you Jive1 for helping to bring back some fond band memories.

Cheers.

Man, that's one of the best stories I have heard for ages!

[Mykk]

Note to self, do not eat at the mexican restaurant next to the venue before the show. My stomach was spinning circles. Good thing I don't have a mic.

[bombjack]

Originally Posted by Stewie26

Our lead guitar player had been sick with food poisoning but said he was feeling better and could make practice. Before he even gets his guitar out of the case he rips a long loud one. He says, "Sorry boys, but I just let an atomic fart." We say, " Whats an atomic fart?" The guitar player says, " Its a fart with some fall out." Now were all laughing our butts off as we quicky bail the room. Needless to say we sent him home so he could shower and change pants.

Atomic Fart? 41 years old with three brothers close in age and never heard of that before....it's so true...boys never get tired of fart jokes...

[judeix808]

Originally Posted by Stewie26

We say, " Whats an atomic fart?" The guitar player says, " Its a fart with some fall out."

Classic!!

[Medford Bassman]

all I'm goingto say is that we did a show last night as a three piece. Everyone has intestinal problems. I think all the methane made the stage float and the EPA should be calling us.

[smcgov]

I dont' have a band one right now but where I work in the bathroom there are 3 urinals and on either side of them are the stalls, it's very cramped so if you are on a urinal on either end you are touching the stall wall that the guy on the other side of the stall is nearly touching.

I walk in a few weeks ago and there's a guy in the far right urinal compelling me to head for the far left one, I then discover there's a guy in the stall as he lets one of these Austin Power's being unthawed farts...the thing easily lasted 25 seconds, it was like someone stretching out a piece of dough..pretty sure he accidentally farted out part of his soul....the best part is at the end of this incredibly long fart, the guy in the urinal to the right of me's phone makes a text message noise in perfect timing to the end of the fart, almost like they had planned it. I snickered loud enough to be heard because it was a once in a lifetime cooperation between man-gas and technology.

[Mo Jiggity]

Yesterday I drove home from college to rehearse with my band that I play guitar in. The morning before arriving I ate a bunch of vegan food from the local hippie health grocery joint, and it had all day until 6PM to ferment inside of my bowels along with the stream of Bud Light and assorted fine bourbons that I had been imbibing all day. The first time I let one rip, my vocalist looked over at me in sheer disgust and got pretty pissed off at what I had done. The density of what had erupted from my bowels was equal to that of the surrounding atmosphere, resulting in a lingering stench that, in our assessment, would remain unless drastic action was taken. We ended up putting a small-diameter, high-speed fan on the floor next to me and pointed towards him to dissipate the fart to the far corner of our practice space.

This didn't end up panning out so well as our practice wore on. Due to the orientation of the fan, all of my subsequent farts (which were on a bell curve in terms of putridness, so by 8PM or so they were pretty unbearable) ended up being directed right towards him. At least once he stopped playing entirely during the middle of a song due to the vileness of the stink. After that it turned into a game... I began standing right behind the fan and letting them rip, lobbing them right in his direction with the power of convection. I felt like I was pounding him, his mic, and his pedalboard with a battery of Howitzers.

Needless to say at least 50% of my shells made contact.

[jkramer5]

^^^ You sir are an Artiste . Well played.

[RitchS]

Originally Posted by rr5025

I disagree. I have both. I've realized I owe the full recounting of my one event. That will be coming tomorrow when I am more coherent.

The only thing worse than dog farts are girl farts. I have three sisters I dare not get into a war of flatulence with.

[bassman314]

Originally Posted by nutso42

Isn't it wonderful when that happens?

It's more than wonderful. It's the only way to live!

[Thor]

Originally Posted by smcgov

I dont' have a band one right now but where I work in the bathroom there are 3 urinals and on either side of them are the stalls, it's very cramped so if you are on a urinal on either end you are touching the stall wall that the guy on the other side of the stall is nearly touching.

I walk in a few weeks ago and there's a guy in the far right urinal compelling me to head for the far left one, I then discover there's a guy in the stall as he lets one of these Austin Power's being unthawed farts...the thing easily lasted 25 seconds, it was like someone stretching out a piece of dough..pretty sure he accidentally farted out part of his soul....the best part is at the end of this incredibly long fart, the guy in the urinal to the right of me's phone makes a text message noise in perfect timing to the end of the fart, almost like they had planned it. I snickered loud enough to be heard because it was a once in a lifetime cooperation between man-gas and technology.

priceless.

[guitar ed]

Ah, Xmas dinner at the parents. Family gathered around the table, everybody stuffing themselves with food.

Everything was fine. Until we got in the car to go home. Then it was like...... A backdoor symphony. Me, my wife, and my 11yo daughter.

I am glad to be home where I can fart in peace.

edg

[Epitaph04]

After an appointment I had with a councillor I went to what seemed like a nice bathroom in the building. I was all alone in a stall conducting my business until what sounded like a large, older man walked in and went up to a urinal right next to my stall. Quickly thereafter I hear what sounds like a water hose creating the loudest urinal session I've ever heard. Every few seconds he lets out a loudish sigh/moan of relief.

After what felt like 20 seconds into it, he lets out a loud fart, as if he had no idea I was in there. Finally, as he starts to run out of fluids, I hear him loudly hock a loogie into the urinal, then leaves, no handwash or anything.

Basically sums up why I try to never use public restrooms.

[bmc]

In all the time I have been on TB, I have never once said I was disappointed by TB's for not keeping a thread alive. I am disappointed this blue angel of a thread has died out. For those of you who hadn't read the first thousand post thread started in 2005, this post by Sundogue still makes me cry with laughter:

QUOTE

I recall trips to gigs while on the road in our band bus, where our lead guitarist used to get one of our roadies all the time.

The worst was when we had played something like five nights in a row and had to travel to each one every day. We were really worn out and eating the worst food.

Our roadie was asleep on one of the beds in the bus, and he was lying there with his mouth wide open, snoring away.

Our guitarist went up to him, turned around, dropped his pants, spread his cheeks and squatted right over the roadie's open mouth and let loose the loudest, most vile fart imaginable!!!

Needless to say, it woke the roadie up. I thought he was going to kill our guitar player by throwing him out the side door!!!

As disgusting as that is...all of us were laughing for the rest of the day. I'm laughing right now thinking back on that...and that had to happen about twenty years ago.

UNQUOTE