Share your most surreal gigs

[Freaky Fender]

I thought that I'd start this thread off with my own story.

I'm in a band (durr) that has ties to a local "record company" in name only. In truth they just support local music and the scene, host shows, record shows and broadcast them live onto the internet. About a month ago they asked us if we would be interested playing a show in a Massachusetts roller rink. Now, the first thing I (and the rest of us) think of is a roller rink that closes down and we're allowed to put on a show. About a week before the show we found out that that's only half the case... we're going to play as people roller skate (unfortunately, not in the middle of the rink). Well, alright, we're open to new ideas. We agree, and get the gist of it. Two 30 minute sets, nothing heavy.

The day of the show, we are pack our gear and move along. We find the place, in it's nondescript rectangular, faux-warehouse exterior that all roller rinks must have. We load in the gear on a stage about 20 ft long by 7 ft wide. One of the bands already has their gear setup, so we decide that they would obviously go first, as they've already got their stuff together. We're then informed about 10 minutes before show time that we would need to have continuous music to the best of our ability. Which translates into a short sound check if at all, and that another band might have to go on first. We ask why and it becomes apparent that the first band's second guitarist has not shown up yet.

Thankfully, two minutes later he walks through the door. Lugging a guitar and medium sized amp, he then starts to go ballistic as he sees what basically is chaos amongst the gear.

"WHAT THE ****, I HAVE NO PLACE TO PUT MY AMP! WHAT IS WITH THIS ****!?! THIS **** IS NEVER ****ING ORGANIZED! WHAT THE ****?!?!?"

While the rest of us just go about our business, loading gear and setting up, we notice that we haven't seen that guy again since he walked in the door with his gear... which is now gone.

Right after his little tirade, the drummer asked him to leave, and not come back. Five minutes before the start of the show.

So the clock hits seven, and the crowd starts to come in. They lace up and start skating away. A good 100-150 kids start filing in, within the first 20 minutes. And then I notice something. After 3 songs into the first band's set, not one person gave them an applause. Not one. I actually saw some kids listening to their Ipods instead of the bands.

The first band finished their set, to no applause. We step up to the plate, but we first get interrupted by the staff, who say it's time to play the "Dice game"... Six separate corners of the rink, and when the music stops you have to stop at one of the corners. The game doesn't really matter, what does is that they ask us to start and stop at random points in the song. It's dark, I can hardly see the setlist below my feet, how are we suppose to communicate when to stop? We plow through a new song/jam that we've tossed around that's relatively easy to do... We get through that, and play our set with, surprise, no applause or recognition at all. (Although, before the show, there was one boy who was talking to our drummer, asking what he used. I later some him playing air guitar to the other bands, and air saxophone to ours. ) Later, during our second set, the staff walks on stage, and ask the sax player to play something "more pumped up". Granted we were doing things that were not exactly punk rock, but the original request for the sets were laid back songs. But not in the MIDDLE OF A SONG.

There we were, out of state, on the edge of a roller rink, with only a handful of people over the age of 14 skating. Flashing lights, disco balls and strobe lights were going of, reflecting off of the ground, and the giant mirror behind us. And no one was listening (well, no one except the other band who cheered our Radiohead cover and what little friends we could convince to come.) It was about midway through the first set that I realized we were playing for ourselves... We ended up with $50 and free skate rentals for all the bands though...


So, there's my story. Now share yours!

[Freaky Fender]

Oh come on! I know at least one of you guys has been hired to play a nudist party!

[Bard2dbone]

I have.

But I've told the story several times and assumed it was old news.

[steve21]

FWIW, I love the story of that gig, Bard (If it's the one I'm thinking of, with the white clothes and getting the stuff played on you guys while playing).

Sounds totally awesome.

[Bard2dbone]

Actually, that was a different one. We did that a few times.

Here. I'll use the quote function:

Originally Posted by Bard2dbone

I don't think I have that many really wierd stories. My first gig was memorable, and maybe a little wierd. We played in a former church and the draperies caught on fire. (Important note: Tube amplifiers have little very hot things called 'tubes' in them. Tubes should not be allowed to come in contact with reeeeeeeally old cloth wall hangings. Just trust me on this one before someone decides to make your dance area bigger by scooting the amps all the way back against the walls. ) My girlfriend/keyboard player was the daughter of a preacher whose congregation had bought an old church with plans of tearing it down and building their new church in that location. Then their two richest congregation members both died and all of a sudden the church was too poor to consider construction. We practiced in the sanctuary of the unused church building. All was cool until people came to listen to us and started a fire.

We did a private party at the amazing house of a rich couple. The house was the most impressive one I had ever seen. We set up in the living room facing a wall of two story-tall windows, with a huge landscaped lawn and a pool in front of us. What no one had told us was that the hosts were some kind of nudists/swingers. At some signal I never noticed, people began peeling clothes off during our set. That was kind of shocking, but it graduated to REALLY shocking when some of them started doing the nasty right in front of god and everybody. The good news is that the ones who were foing it right there in that room were not where we could see them without trying. The bad news is that we could see nearly everybody else just fine. Now, ordinarily, one would assume that since we were all hormonally crazed young men, we should have been all thrilled and joining the fun. That's what would have happened in a porno movie. But in real life there is a major difference from the movie version: these people were UGLY. There are people out there who should only be naked after making sure there are no cameras to see them. There are people who should only be naked after making sure there are no eyes to see them. And then there are people who shouldn't be allowed to be naked, even in the shower. This party was mostly attended by THOSE people. But we soldiered on and finished our set. The host gave us an awesome tip on top of our already-more-than-we-usually-made pay, making that by far the most lucrative party I ever played. We ended up nearly tripling our usual rate. I think he payed us extra just for not freaking out and running away.

Soon after I got out of the Navy, I saw an ad on the bulletin board at the music store I frequented. A guy needed most of a band to help him out for one show. It seems that he had recorded an album by himself, playing all the parts. Then he gave a copy to a friend who worked at a local public/independent radio station (KNON! None of the hits! All of the time!)
The friend liked it started giving it some play, and the next thing you know the listeners had picked Tunde and his 'band' to open for a big show the next month. Except there was no band. Just Tunde, with his wife and her sister singing backup. And the gig was to open for someone who was apparently huge in his homeland. So the three of us learned his songs pretty quickly and did the gig.

Now the surreal part: The entire 2500 or so member audience except for one couple, was Nigerian. All of them. And in traditional tribal finery so that you could see what tribe a whole section of audience was because they all wore the same colors and didn't mix. It was like looking at a bunch of high school marching bands sitting in bleachers. And they didn't clap till after we were completely done. Apparently that is somehow rude. In stead, to show that they liked us while we were playing and between songs, they sent little old ladies, likely the oldest people in the crowd, up on the stage with money. At first, one tiny frail woman in red tribal dress came up with a double handful of bills and rubbed her hands together as if she were washing them so that money showered over Tunde while he was singing. Then another frail old woman, this one in green, stuck a bill to the forehead of each person in the band. Then the competition was on and people in alternating colors would come up while we were playing and shower, anoint or pelt us with money. Apparently no tribal group wanted to be out done by any other tribal group. Most of it was $1 bills but still it was cool. I beet I got $100 in ones just from the Yoriba in the crowd. But I think they are Tundes' tribe so they were partial to begin with.

But remember this was in stead of applauding, until we had finished our last song. Then they went nuts. Then the headliner, Sonny Okosun came on. His music is called Ozzidi (sp?) and you should get some. It is kind of James Brown meets Bob Marley with a little Highlife thrown in, very cool party music. The crowd clearly loved him and they did the money-instead-of-applause thing to him too, so I felt better about the lack of audible response till the end.

[Bard2dbone]

Originally Posted by steve21

FWIW, I love the story of that gig, Bard (If it's the one I'm thinking of, with the white clothes and getting the stuff played on you guys while playing).

Sounds totally awesome.

What I think you're talking about is something we did a few times. We started out playing behind a screen while someone played a silent movie of some kind on the screen and we improvised a soundtrack for it as it went along. We had a lot of fun doing that, but would end up not playing any of our established songs that the audience knew.

So we decided to alter the system somwhat. We draped white sheets over all our gear, wore all white clothes, and put a BIG white screen up behind us, and then showed films ON us. We couldn't see the audience at all because of the light in our eyes. And we could tell what the image being shown on us was, so we couldn't react to the image anymore. We just played and had a complete blast doing it.

[bassman1185]

I play in a Christian metal/hardcore band. We played at a bat mitzvah this last December. Talk about feeling out of place...

[bassman1185]

Oh, another one that I forgot...

We were playing first at an all-ages hardcore show in Des Moines last fall. We started playing, and a few kids were dancing, which is cool. After our second or so song, I realize that there is only one person still dancing: an extremely strung out looking woman who had to be in her mid-30s. She wasn't actually dancing, per se, because that would involve actually moving to the beat of the music. What she was doing was more of a twitchy stagger. We were into our third song, and I looked out, and saw, to my horror, that she seemed to be taking off her shirt. I couldn't believe what I was doing. Much like Bard's story, this was NOT someone that anyone wanted to see naked. Luckily, she just rolled the shirt up, exposing her belly, which was still more than I wanted to see. I had to play with my back to the crowd to keep from busting out laughing. It was hilarious, but it kinda sucked because nobody wanted to dance while she was there.

[Bard2dbone]

I didn't think my playing history was all that odd. But with so few posts by anyone who isn't me, it looks like I'm the resident wierdo by default.

Really, people. Most of my normal gigs were just that. Normal. Or at least normal-flavored.

We played a (mostly) biker bar once where a couple showed up wearing a VERY different kind of leather outfit. Our guitar players girlfriend wanted to ask the woman where she got her boots. But that's not all that surreal. That's just "If we ever make a video, we need to have them just wander through the otherwise-ordinarily-dressed crowd." wierd/ That kind of wierd happens all the time.

[GM60466]

I played a gig in Calumet City, Illinois,and a women stabbed her husband in the chest steak knife before the soup came to their table.

G

[AxtoOx]

Did a party one time. About 3/4's through the set, some drunk decides he wants to sing. Our fearless leader starts explaining things to him, then suddnely backs off and lets him sing. The guy is drunk and horrible and he's just watching w/ a smile on his face. We took a break and asked him what the heck was going on. " The guy flashed a .38 at me. If he wants to sing, he can sing". We agreed.
For those in San Diego, this was IB in the late 70's. That explains a lot.

[derrico1]

Originally Posted by GM60466

I played a gig in Calumet City, Illinois,and a women stabbed her husband in the chest steak knife before the soup came to their table.

G

It happens. Some people just get real cranky waiting for soup.

[Chad Michael]

Played at Sun Banks Resort near Grand Coulee.

It is a camp ground, and we played for families... much more fun than just playing for lounge lizards.

Oh, and we opened for Dokken at a local venue, much of my friends from high school were there, big room and monster P.A.

[HomeBrewTJ]

We played to a drunk and his wolf once in a basement in Philly.

[chaosMK]

Empty house with ridiculously loud accoustics, lots of kegs, people moshing and knocking over empty garbage cans full of water. Playing in about 1/2 inch of water. Kids getting into fistfights. Using an SVT-4 into an Ampeg 4x10 and Mesa RR 2x15.

[Lazylion]

I've done loads of surreal gigs, but one place came to mind immediately:
Gigged a number of times at a bar in North Hollywood called the Rawhide. Had a few surreal moments in there. It's a country bar, of course, but it's also a gay bar. Yup, a gay country bar. The first and only one I ever played at.
Surreal Moments:
1. We were standing out front on the sidewalk on a break. Two kids walk by, probably about 10 years old. One of them looks at us kinda sideways, and says "Faggots!" We were the only straight people in the area!
2. A guy told me I was fabulous. He was serious. I like hearing that from girls, but from a guy? Ehh, no thanks.
3. Every time I looked at the dance floor. Especially on the slow tunes.
4. Almost every customer who came in would kiss the bartender.
5. Every time we started to play "Stand By Your Man", we'd do the first line, "Sometimes it's hard to be a woman", and every guy in the room would holler out "Oh no, it's not!"
6. We had a keyboard player for a while. One night he did a Merle Haggard song called "Almost Persuaded". He did the beginning of the song, then signaled the band to bring the volume way down. He proceeded to "testify", telling a story about how he was walking home from church, was overcome by a powerful thirst, and stopped in at the Rawhide for a root beer. From there he got a little too graphic for forum rules, so I'll have to leave the rest to your imagination. He finished the story and went right into the chorus: "and I was alllll-most persuaded..." I was ready to crawl behind my amp and hide, but the crowd loved it.

Yeah. Good times in bizarro world.

[daffy]

I used to play in a thrash bush band - kind of like the Irish Rovers meets Steve Urwin on bad acid.

One night we were hired by one of the country town football clubs to do a gig so we packed up our gear and headed off for the 2 hour drive in pelting rain.

It was raining so hard we were crawling along and could not see 3 feet in front of us, and then we get stuck in a traffic jam - turns out there had been a bad accident and the only road was blocked. This was pre-mobile phone days and while we had left with plenty of time to spare, we did not count on getting stuck at an accident in pouring rain for two hours.

Nor did we count on the road being flooded and getting bogged. And I don't think anyone though we would get a flat that night, especially with the spare under all the gear in the boot of the car. So we end up arriving an hour after start time, drenched, muddy and with all our gear wet.

So we then find out that they were meant to have a PA - we asked, it was written in the letter we got, and there's no PA. Luckily I have a spare amp and a mini mixer so we end up using our own amps and the spare for vocals.

So we are then approached by the club president who asks us which one of us is calling - calling? we say, and he says "Well no one will know what the dance is unless you call it". It appears we have been booked for a country bush dance!! We feel like the Good ol Blues Brothers Boys in the scene from that movie. It appears that the person who booked us didn't listen to the tape we supplied and didn't read the bio either.

By this stage, most of the people have been trapped by the rain in the football hall for an hour and have been waiting for the band with nothing else to do but drink, and they're getting a little restless, so we start playing and all hell breaks loose.

The old folks are up complaining to the president, who jumps up on stage to stop us and is crash tackled by one of the players, because the team is actually enjoying the music and didn't want some stupid dance anyway, and a huge brawl erupts in front of and on the stage. Being consummate professionals, and being pretty disillusioned by this stage, and seeing that we are the reason for the fight, we keep right on playing and ducking the chairs and fists.

In the end we finish the set with 18 people clapping and the rest booing us and throwing stuff, and we then go off and regroup and figure out what songs we can do that are a bit 'bush dance' like. We grab the president and he finds someone who can call a dance and we go on for the second set and the oldies do some of the fastest, loosest dancing they've ever done and the young folks drink more and attempt to crowd surf on the old folks as they're dancing.

Third set, the rain has stopped, the old folks go home, and the extremely drunk young people ask for the thrash stuff again so we let rip. It's at this point we find that the spare amp was in fact more water damaged than we thought and it blows up on stage. We rearrange the amps and finish the set with vox going through with the guitar. The hall is trashed, several people are unconsious under a table, one couple is doing the bidness in plain view at the back of the hall and we are outta there!!

I won't even tell you what happened when we attempted to get our pay for the night

[JoshD]

Originally Posted by AxtoOx

Did a party one time. About 3/4's through the set, some drunk decides he wants to sing. Our fearless leader starts explaining things to him, then suddnely backs off and lets him sing. The guy is drunk and horrible and he's just watching w/ a smile on his face. We took a break and asked him what the heck was going on. " The guy flashed a .38 at me. If he wants to sing, he can sing". We agreed.
For those in San Diego, this was IB in the late 70's. That explains a lot.

It does. I live in I.B. and I can tell you stuff like that happens alot down here. times really haven't changed.

[All_¥our_Bass]

All of my gigs feel pretty surreal. My band does a strange mix of phychedelia, metal, and avant garde. Usually the places that we play at, the majority of people are playing a sort rock 'n roll/bluesy-sounding sorta stuff. Our most recent strangeness was when we decided to play a few barouque pieces by Modest Mussorgsky. Our performances are almost 100% garenteed to feel surreal to both the band, andt he audience.

[funkalicious101]

oh man, these are too good.