Stalked by a band leader!!!

[Rocks]

So I had an add on CL looking for a band that needed a bassist. I got quite a few replies but one was close by and playing the type of music I want to play. So I call the guy and we hit it off on the phone right away, everything sounds great. The next day I go over his house and meet him, he shows me videos of his band gigging with the old bass player and everything sounds great. He tells me his son is the drummer and that he'll talk to him and setup an audition real soon.

A few days goes by and I didn't hear anything. I get an email from him on saturday right before I'm walking out the door to spend a romantic night with my woman and decided to wait and reply when I got back since she was already in the car and I just ran back in because I forgot to shut down my PC.

He calls twice that evening and leaves messages, but I'm "busy" and didn't have the ringer on. I spend the night with her and most of the next day just enjoying each other company. I get home later the next evening and look at my phone, I've got 7 v-mails from him! At first they are nice, asking if we can get together next Friday. Then they start getting nastier and nastier - things like "why aren't you calling me back, you always carry your cell phone" (how would he know, we only met once) Then they get even worse "what kind of flake are you that you won't return a phone call" and "its 3:00, when will you call me" - "its 5:00, are you ever going to return your calls" - "its 6:30 and still no call from you" and it goes further downhill from there. Then I look at my emails - he sent 5 emails in less than 24 hours, basically the same messages as on the phone. I even noticed he started calling from different numbers like he was trying to trick me to answer the phone.

He called this morning and woke me up. I explained to him that I was gone over night and he is acting all nice wanting to know about Friday. I tell him I'll call him once I wake up since I got in real late last night. I'm going to call him shortly and tell him that I am not interested in being in his band, too many flash backs of my crazy ex-girlfriend, don't need the hassles.

[paganjack]

yowch

[jwbassman]

Originally Posted by Rocks

I'm going to call him shortly and tell him that I am not interested in being in his band, too many flash backs of my crazy ex-girlfriend, don't need the hassles.

LMAO. That's funny.

[jmac]

That is really bizarre.

[VJP]

I think you should take the gig, at least for a little while, for the inevitable treasure trove of stories you'll have. " oh yeah, well I was in this band once...."

Well worth it.

[Joe Nerve]

Aren't the rules "No phone clips, no calls."???

[lousybassplayer]

if you have some spare time, this could be a fun adventure.

[MatticusMania]

Madness!

So, here's a story of about a band I was in for all of a month:

I find a band on CL, we meet, I audition, I join. Its a 4 piece band with a cute chick lead singer, a dude on guitar, and a drummer, plus myself. So I come into practice one day and the singer chick isnt there. She works in production for movies/TV shows and was running late. She shows up and theres an obvious tension between her & the guitarist, though I have no idea what its about. He excuses himself, and the two of them go outside for a little while. They come back in and we continue as normal.

Now, this wasnt the best band Ive ever been in, but I was having fun, and everyone was starting to take things a little more seriously. We were about to head to the studio for a recording, we had a photoshoot lined up. Cool beans.

So, during the week the guitarist & singer were supposed to get together to work on lyrics for a song. I get a text from the drummer the next day saying the singer has quit the band. Huh? What happened I ask... he tells me she'll fill me in later. So, later I get a call and she wants to meet up without the guitarist. We meet up and she tells me how the guitarist got pissed because she cancelled the "writing session" as she had to work really late and was tired. No biggie... except the guitarist proceed to go out and get drunk, and show up at her house at 4am, while she wasnt even there, calling her over and over and sending her a bunch of nasty texts. He was in love with her and couldnt handle it.

During our meeting the guitarist randomly showed up, so we fired him right then and there. I quit the band shortly after.

[jgroh]

Originally Posted by Joe Nerve

Aren't the rules "No phone clips, no calls."???

No no no...no videos of the "woman" no stalking band leader...those are the rules!

[NicJimBass]

I feel your pain brother. Last October I was contacted by the drummer for a blues guitarist based in a nearby metropolis. We meet, agree on payment terms, and we're off. Here's where it gets weird. The blues guitarist is keen on calling his band members constantly just to bounce things off of him and chat. I literally would talk to him like 4-5 times every day.... about nothing! Had I said anything about it, I'm sure I would've been booted.

Anyway, it went on like this for several weeks. He even insisted that the drummer and I go with him to Arkansas for a gig he has with his old band. He said he would drive, pay for food and gas and the venue was comping him some rooms at a Casino nearby. The night before we're supposed to leave, he calls (yet again) and tells me his van has been repossessed, and he asks if I can drive my car if he pays for gas... I (foolishly, of course) say sure. We end up borrowing money from a friend of his to get about halfway to the venue... end up draining the drummers account to get the rest of the way there, then borrow more money from another friend in Ark. to get to the show. We didn't eat for like an entire day, at all. Finally get to the show, he get's paid, all is well.

We had 2 gigs coming up after the wonderful trip to Ark., in a week or two. At this point, we still haven't really rehearsed. He's still calling me every day just to chat, but now he's dogging on the drummer. I talk to the drummer, and the guitarist has been dogging me to him.Anyway, we play the shows, then he tells me he has to cut my pay, so I take that as the last of a billion red flags and jump ship. Worst gig I've ever had, barnone.

[RustyAxe]

Originally Posted by Rocks

<lots of drama snipped> ... I'm going to call him shortly and tell him that I am not interested in being in his band, too many flash backs of my crazy ex-girlfriend, don't need the hassles.

Absolutely. The guy's a nut case.

[NickInMesa]

Following my experience, a girl in a band is a no-no unless:

1. it's a girl only band (like 4 hot chicks and I am the only guy, of course)
2. it's her show and she's running it

I know, it sounds very misogynistic but that's my experience. Note that I have a female boss in my day job and have no issue whatsoever working for her (and no, not "under" her).

As for the band leader "stalking", I have seen that a bit, but not to that extent. Apparently there is a shortage of good bassists (by good I mean someone who is good in music theory, technique, timing and is trustworthy on all levels) and he kept inviting me at that open mike in a bar on a Monday evening (where it is the hardest for me, seriously, Mondays suck for a reason), and then when I told him I had found a band, kept calling me for 2 weeks, until I stopped picking up his calls (he may have called as "restricted" but I never ever pick these calls).

It does happen, yup.

[Rickett Customs]

Uh, time to cut this one loose, Gus.

[Rocks]

I'm not sure if you all realize this, but the band leader in my first post is a 52 year old man, not a woman. He was just acting in a way that reminded me of a crazy stalking ex-girlfriend.

[Rickett Customs]

Originally Posted by Rocks

I'm not sure if you all ralize this, but the band leader in my first post is a 52 yearl old man, not a woman. He was just acting in a way that reminded me of a crazy stalking ex-girlfriend.

No, I figured it was a man. Cut him loose....... and i don't mean let him down gently either.

[Steve]

If he applies that kind of energy to harrasing club owners....

You're gonna get a lot of work.

[b_carville]

I've had a similar experience.

Last couple of years I started playing off & on with this guy who plays Cream/Hendrix/Classic Rock stuff.He does this at a very low volume(yeah,I know.But he does)& he's a pain in the butt to boot.He tells you how to play,what to play,how & what to sing (I'm a MUCH better singer then he is!),etc.He also does not like to hear the bass & drums very loud.You have to turn your amp away from him & God forbid you should play with much low end or below the 5th fret! If you & the drummer start getting a nice pocket going he will clamp down on you big time right on stage.You should of heard this clown go off the couple times we worked with a house PA & soundman.He had the subwoofers turned off completely.You can have a conversation at the bar louder then this guy plays.I think he has tinnitus or something.Anyway,nobody is allowed to have fun at one of his gigs but him!

I should also mention that he pays $20 less then I usually get & he makes you play four sets instead of the standard three.

I took his work when things were slow. He tries to book you way in advance.Lately I've been picking up a bit with better higher paying gigs.I played my last gig with him Friday that I had on my books.He started trying to book me up.I informed him that I was booked through December(True!). He didn't believe me.He started whining(He's got a distinctive whine!)that he should get 1st consideration after my main band because he books me more then anyone else(Not true!).

This whack job doesn't take no for an answer! He calls at least eight times a day! He calls me at my part time job! I get six E-mails a day! He claims I committed to his gigs (I Didn't!) and I have no right to cancel.It's OK if he cancels on you though.Even if I didn't have other gigs I would've stopped working with him.I'd rather have Root canal work then play with him again! I played all the gigs he booked me for(On a lot of dates I could've had better paying work but I'd do his because he booked me 1st).The last E mail he sent he wanted to "see"my list of gigs for the year.I've gone ballistic on him but that doesn't help.I've been on the road a bit & my landlady informed me he's been around my place asking for me.I WILL put a stop to that.
Sorry to be long winded.He CAN'T get anyone to take his work.I got rid of a psycho exwife &girlfriends easier then this guy. Whadda pain in the ass!

[Jazzdogg]

Originally Posted by Rocks

So I had an add on CL looking for a band that needed a bassist. I got quite a few replies but one was close by and playing the type of music I want to play. So I call the guy and we hit it off on the phone right away, everything sounds great. The next day I go over his house and meet him, he shows me videos of his band gigging with the old bass player and everything sounds great. He tells me his son is the drummer and that he'll talk to him and setup an audition real soon.

A few days goes by and I didn't hear anything. I get an email from him on saturday right before I'm walking out the door to spend a romantic night with my woman and decided to wait and reply when I got back since she was already in the car and I just ran back in because I forgot to shut down my PC.

He calls twice that evening and leaves messages, but I'm "busy" and didn't have the ringer on. I spend the night with her and most of the next day just enjoying each other company. I get home later the next evening and look at my phone, I've got 7 v-mails from him! At first they are nice, asking if we can get together next Friday. Then they start getting nastier and nastier - things like "why aren't you calling me back, you always carry your cell phone" (how would he know, we only met once) Then they get even worse "what kind of flake are you that you won't return a phone call" and "its 3:00, when will you call me" - "its 5:00, are you ever going to return your calls" - "its 6:30 and still no call from you" and it goes further downhill from there. Then I look at my emails - he sent 5 emails in less than 24 hours, basically the same messages as on the phone. I even noticed he started calling from different numbers like he was trying to trick me to answer the phone.

He called this morning and woke me up. I explained to him that I was gone over night and he is acting all nice wanting to know about Friday. I tell him I'll call him once I wake up since I got in real late last night. I'm going to call him shortly and tell him that I am not interested in being in his band, too many flash backs of my crazy ex-girlfriend, don't need the hassles.

Sounds like playing poker with someone who willingly shows you his cards, and then wonders why you win every hand.

You are very lucky that he revealed his cards so early in the game.

[Rocks]

Originally Posted by Jazzdogg

Sounds like playing poker with someone who willingly shows you his cards, and then wonders why you win every hand.

You are very lucky that he revealed his cards so early in the game.

Plus keep in mind that the drummer is his son - I would never get my way on anything it would always be two votes against one. Also if the drummer screwed up (and they do) and threw me off I would get blamed as the one that made the mistake as I've heard him brag about how great his son is over and over again. I don't need the headaches and my other band is a lot of fun, no reason to join a second with a nutcase.

[coreyfyfe]

Originally Posted by NickInMesa

2. it's her show and she's running it

It's been my experience that (at least with the three female fronted bands I've played in) she's always "running the show" even when she's not. Everything is a democratic process as long as the dictator approves.