Stalked by a band leader!!!

[Jazzdogg]

Originally Posted by coreyfyfe

It's been my experience that (at least with the three female fronted bands I've played in) she's always "running the show" even when she's not. Everything is a democratic process as long as the dictator approves.

<RANT> ...and how many female band members/vocalists carry their fair share of the load when it comes to set-up and tear-down? "In these clothes?" or "I might break a nail," are familiar retorts. Most of the women I've worked with have shown up after all of the hard work is done, leave before anyone else, and expect to be paid the same or more. <END RANT>

[NickInMesa]

Originally Posted by coreyfyfe

It's been my experience that (at least with the three female fronted bands I've played in) she's always "running the show" even when she's not. Everything is a democratic process as long as the dictator approves.

I'm talking about Pat Benatar, but I know what you mean, I have seen that.

I brought a girl in because she had a really pretty voice but instead of just relaxing, practicing and doing her part, she would, with no band or musical experience, start giving advices and then wrote songs, that she would sing to us (letting us figure the key and of course). She thought she was Siouxsie Sue. Funny.

Aaaah... girls in bands...

[pklima]

I had an accordion player who kept calling and emailing me every few weeks for months. Eventually he asked a friend of his who owns a building company and rebuilt my roof and chimneys to drop by my house and ask me why I don't answer his calls... I said I play in too many other bands with better prospects already. That ended the calls.

He also kept calling a female singer/guitarist for a few days and gave that up when she gave the phone to her boyfriend and have him pretend that it's a wrong number and he's never heard of such a woman.

Oh, and next week I'm supposed to audition for another accordion player's band. This one's a girl. Wish me luck.

And speaking of girls...

Originally Posted by NickInMesa

Following my experience, a girl in a band is a no-no unless:

1. it's a girl only band (like 4 hot chicks and I am the only guy, of course)
2. it's her show and she's running it

I know, it sounds very misogynistic but that's my experience.

My experience is very different. Never had any trouble working with women except for one rather crazy one who was too insecure to actually do anything for the band but was very interested in hanging around with me. I eventually asked her if she just wants to quit the band and date me. That ended quite disastrously, haha.

On the other hand, I absolutely refuse to play anything more than a one-off sub gig with any bands led by male songwriters. All the ones I've ever tried working with had bizarre priorities and goals that I can't fathom. So I'm perfectly willing to use sex-based discrimination based on my experience.

[J-Bassist]

Originally Posted by Steve

If he applies that kind of energy to harrasing club owners....

You're gonna get a lot of work.

Haha sad but true!

Man, these stories are hilarious. But I guess we should be kind of thankful that we are THIS in demand! What some people will do for a good bassist!

[TBrett]

Unbelievably creepy stories, guys. I'm in the process of putting a band together from scratch for the first time (see my thread Dumb Responses to Craigslist Ads - and yes, I'm a chick, but no, I'm not a dictator and yes, I do my share of schlepping gear or whatever is needed). My bf (the bassist) and I joked that the audition process is strangely similar to dating. If you jam with someone and appear to hit it off but they're not interested, you can't help but feel a bit rejected. There's this part of you that almost wants to ask, "Where did we go wrong?" But of course, you simply thank the person for their time, wish them the best, and move on. However, I can imagine that a less stable person might not be able to separate the personal realm from the professional. Too many unrequited hopes and dreams and what have you tied up in their musical aspirations, perhaps. I'm happy to say we've since connected with a couple of terrific musicians and had a smokin' first jam. Early days yet, but it looks promising. But if I started emailing and/or calling these guys all the time, I think we all know what would happen, and rightly so.

So, to the OP, you're so right on both counts. The guy's got some serious issues that would only get worse over time (can you imagine?). Thankfully he showed his true colours so early in the game. And the bit about his son? Yikes!

Do let us know what happens when you dump him, will you?

[Rocks]

Originally Posted by TBrett

Do let us know what happens when you dump him, will you?

Yeah, I dumped him and smiled while doing so. I didn't want to burn any bridges as I never know what may happen in the future so I just told him that my other band was already booking up most of the weekends for the next few months and that since he wants to start gigging real soon he would be better off finding someone that wasn't already booked up.

I really wanted to tell him that he acted too much like my psycho ex-girlfriend and that he should man-up and act like he has a pair, rather than whine like a little "female dog". I mean for pete's sake, he is in his 50's and acts like a 6 year old girl that didn't get her way.

[Sartori]

Originally Posted by coreyfyfe

It's been my experience that (at least with the three female fronted bands I've played in) she's always "running the show" even when she's not. Everything is a democratic process as long as the dictator approves.

That is not my experience. But I guess everyone's mileage varies.

[Rocks]

The saga continues - he is still calling! He can't understand why I won't leave my other band to join his. I am blown away that he is still persistent in wanting me to play bass for him.

[BassScum]

Restraining Order?

[James19]

Originally Posted by BassScum

Restraining Order?

I'd say so. Or use reverse psychology...do to him everything he's done to you. Be a pain in the ass

[xgator4u]

Originally Posted by James19

I'd say so. Or use reverse psychology...do to him everything he's done to you. Be a pain in the ass

^ Potential winner.

[pklima]

Originally Posted by Rocks

The saga continues - he is still calling! He can't understand why I won't leave my other band to join his. I am blown away that he is still persistent in wanting me to play bass for him.

If he still hasn't given up, try naming a (high) price for your services. Tell him you'll think about it if he can guarantee enough well-paid gigs to make leaving your current band worthwhile. Just name a number higher than you think he can possibly meet, and insist on a real guarantee - if there aren't, say, at least four gigs for $100 a man each month he will pay you out of his own pocket to make up the difference.

This should work if he's one of those passionate musicians who hate sellouts who are in it for the money. Or if he figures he can get another cheaper bassist.

[EddiePlaysBass]

Originally Posted by Rocks

Plus keep in mind that the drummer is his son - I would never get my way on anything it would always be two votes against one.

Hmm likely but not necessarily. My dad is a singer and he and I have worked together in a band before. Whilst he respects me as a bass player he'll be the first to tell me if I'm wrong about something, believe you me ... That said, we HAVE been trying to get a band together again and have had little luck, so our relationship might be a factor.

[hbarcat]

Originally Posted by b_carville

I've had a similar experience.

[Story about crazy guitarist]

Holy **** dude.