Stupid things YOU said at a gig

bassteban · #1 03-20-2010, 10:21 AM

I started to post this in OT, but reconsidered & threw it here as I'd like my story to eventually have a happy/funny ending.

Last night- third gig w/the guys in my sig, a friend of the band buys me my first drink, as he has each one of our shows. Manning a video camera, later on he says to me, 'Hey, Steve- you're a good-looking man(NOT like that, but w/e)'.
My idiotic reply: "Same to you but more of you".

The guy's a bit *big*, NOT fat by any stretch but it came out like that's what I was saying- I felt SOOOO stupid, then fumbled a weak *save* and felt like the stage lights were melting me for the rest of the night.
Again I say

Anyone else realize they just need to be the *quiet guy* up there?

__HM__ · #2 03-20-2010, 10:22 AM

My friend's bane mentions his EP being on sale for $5 after EVERY song in the set at EVERY show. It gets rather sad very fast.

bassteban · #3 03-20-2010, 10:28 AM

I'd maybe play on that a bit, to make it clear he's overdoing it. Like every time he mentions it, say 'WOW, REALLY? 5 BUCKS?? CAN I HAVE ONE??' Look him in the eye w/thick sincerity.

steveksux · #4 03-20-2010, 10:37 AM

Not a gig, but on my honeymoon.

We were in Tahiti, touring a traditional Polynesian village, they had the native tattooing guys, weaving, etc. The guide pointed out a big flat rock, said "That rock over there was used as an altar. They performed weddings and human sacrifices on it".

I raised my hand and said "How did they tell the difference?"

Just like in the movies, EVERYBODY got silent, turned to look at me...

Seems nearly everybody that goes to Tahiti is on their honeymoon...
You have to know your audience....

Randy

thwump64 · #5 03-20-2010, 01:39 PM

I said happy anniversary when I was playing at a wedding.

jumbosilverette · #6 03-20-2010, 01:44 PM

I muttered "oh, s#it" over a mic on a tv feed while performing live, when I made a mistake.

jumbosilverette · #7 03-20-2010, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steveksux

Not a gig, but on my honeymoon.

We were in Tahiti, touring a traditional Polynesian village, they had the native tattooing guys, weaving, etc. The guide pointed out a big flat rock, said "That rock over there was used as an altar. They performed weddings and human sacrifices on it".

I raised my hand and said "How did they tell the difference?"

Just like in the movies, EVERYBODY got silent, turned to look at me...

Seems nearly everybody that goes to Tahiti is on their honeymoon...
You have to know your audience....

Randy

That's a funny line. Apparently all the guys there left their masculinity at home on the mantle.

wkbryan · #8 03-20-2010, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steveksux

Not a gig, but on my honeymoon.

We were in Tahiti, touring a traditional Polynesian village, they had the native tattooing guys, weaving, etc. The guide pointed out a big flat rock, said "That rock over there was used as an altar. They performed weddings and human sacrifices on it".

I raised my hand and said "How did they tell the difference?"

Just like in the movies, EVERYBODY got silent, turned to look at me...

Seems nearly everybody that goes to Tahiti is on their honeymoon...
You have to know your audience....

Randy

I just can't stop laughing at that one.

rhythmsection · #9 03-20-2010, 04:03 PM

One night, back in the old days when a gig was about us getting hammered than actually appearing semi-professional, my bandmate said to the audience "This next song is by Crosby Stills and Nash, if you don't like 'em you can go f*** yourself!!!!".

Caught on tape, too. It became a lesson on how NOT to engage an audience.

Drop-the-One · #10 03-20-2010, 04:46 PM

We were on tour for a friend X. She has sloooow folk songs...
... the band and the cameraman (sans our friend X) were in a van driving and I said
"X's songs are just SO ****'n BORING! I hate them!"

The cameraman was her best friend.

Daveomd · #11 03-20-2010, 04:58 PM

Several years ago when I drank and did other things to excess a group of frat type guys and their girls came to one of our gigs late in the last set. One of the frat guys, who was probably almost as drunk as I was, started yelling out "Free Bird" over and over and over, obviously very impressed with himself and his impeccable wit. I proceeded to tear him a new one over the mic, complementing him on his originality among other things. Needless to say the club owner wasn't too impressed, or my band or my girlfriend. Wasn't quite as funny the next morning (but it kinda is now).

dmusic148 · #12 03-20-2010, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steveksux

Not a gig, but on my honeymoon.

We were in Tahiti, touring a traditional Polynesian village, they had the native tattooing guys, weaving, etc. The guide pointed out a big flat rock, said "That rock over there was used as an altar. They performed weddings and human sacrifices on it".

I raised my hand and said "How did they tell the difference?"

Just like in the movies, EVERYBODY got silent, turned to look at me...

Seems nearly everybody that goes to Tahiti is on their honeymoon...
You have to know your audience....

Randy

Epic.
Let's see...well, I remember one time when I said "sure- I'll do this gig every Tuesday for 30 bucks." Very quickly regretted saying that.

rhythmsection · #13 03-20-2010, 05:29 PM

Not a gig, but a night out at a bar when I was younger...the band was playing and one of the crowd members requested to come on stage to make an announcement. The band let him and this guy gets on the mic..."I want to point out my buddy Dave"...(points to his buddy)..."and I wanna wish him a happy 19th birthday!!!".

Of course being a bar it was a 21+ venue, which promptly led to his birthday buddy getting re-carded by the bouncer, and kicked out of the club along with all his friends.

Breslin dp · #14 03-20-2010, 05:31 PM

I was in a punk band a few years ago and I dedicated every song to our guitarist's mother as a joke. I had the whole crowd chanting Jarrod's mom and everything. So at the end of the evening a lady comes up and asks for a free cd and asks for an autograph and say just make it out to Jarrod's mom. Sure enough it was Jarrod's mom. Jarrod thought it was awesome and I didn't want to go anywhere near a mic for sometime.

jtc_hunter · #15 03-20-2010, 05:42 PM

We were playing a gig and late in the 3rd set when the crowd was getting pretty lit up, there was a hot chick named Cindy and after a song she wanted the lead guitar players pick. I said into my mic " Hey Cindy! Mine is bigger and harder" The people in the crowd that new that bass players pick was "bigger and harder" got it and were laughing . The rest thought I was a perv. ( which I am). But she did come over to my side and took my pick, threw his away, and put mine in her bra. SWEEEET.

bassteban · #16 03-20-2010, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtc_hunter

We were playing a gig and late in the 3rd set when the crowd was getting pretty lit up, there was a hot chick named Cindy and after a song she wanted the lead guitar players pick. I said into my mic " Hey Cindy! Mine is bigger and harder" The people in the crowd that new that bass players pick was "bigger and harder" got it and were laughing . The rest thought I was a perv. ( which I am). But she did come over to my side and took my pick, threw his away, and put mine in her bra. SWEEEET.

^NOT stupid^

JimmyM · #17 03-20-2010, 08:27 PM

i once jokingly called our chick singer a bitch because she showed up an hour late (it was planned). then she freaked out and i got lectured from the bar manager. sheesh...everyone get over themselves, eh?

AnchorHoy · #18 03-21-2010, 10:11 AM

Stupidest thing I ever said at a gig?.........

The gig was my own wedding. The dinner music and the various Dances were prerecorded tracks on cassette (which should give you an idea of how long ago this was), with my band playing a set afterward

We play one relatively 'mellow' tune - IIRC it was something like Little Wing - and notice a large movement of older folks heading towards the far end of the hall. We finish the tune and one of the older folks strides up to the band and asks us to turn down. Waaaaay down

Like the conscientious and caring Groom that I was, I assured the person that we would do our best to keep the volume level down as much as possible. The complainant takes this at face value and heads for the bar. I look over at the guitar player and say to him "Don't sweat it Man, we give 'em Wonderful Tonight at lounge-level and then turn back up for Purple Haze and the rest of the set. That oughta blow the geezers out the door far enough so we can get back in the groove"

Little did I know, my Dad (on the high side of 60 years old at the time) had walked up and was standing right beside me, just out of my range of vision, at the exact moment I said that

He went Ballistic

OTOH there were two things we did do right:

We all looked plenty sharp in our swallowtail tuxes, and we had enough sense to drop 4F Club (by the Mentors) from the set list for that particular gig

Obe · #19 03-21-2010, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steveksux

Not a gig, but on my honeymoon.

We were in Tahiti, touring a traditional Polynesian village, they had the native tattooing guys, weaving, etc. The guide pointed out a big flat rock, said "That rock over there was used as an altar. They performed weddings and human sacrifices on it".

I raised my hand and said "How did they tell the difference?"

Just like in the movies, EVERYBODY got silent, turned to look at me...

Seems nearly everybody that goes to Tahiti is on their honeymoon...
You have to know your audience....

Randy

This is good. The bandmates will enjoy it next practice.

chaosMK · #20 03-21-2010, 11:17 AM

I often introduce myself as "I'm Thunda and I play the Brown Note."