The Substitute Drummer From Hell

[Bluesy Soul]

It is approximately the one-year anniversary of this event, which I can now look back on and smile--but not without some lingering pain. I'm sure many of you have endured similar experiences:

Indulge me, please, fellow TBers. I know that part of being a professional is coping with the occasional substitute. I also know that venting in a timely manner can be a most cathartic and therapeutic coping mechanism. I come to you for commiseration, not judgment or advice.

Recently we played a gig at a local restaurant/club and had to use a substitute drummer. You know generally what’s coming, but it’s the finer details of these adventures that make them memorable.

The start time is 8:00 p.m., but we can’t load in too early because this place has no stage. The owner literally removes three tables at one end of the club to create a space in which we must set up and leave some room for dancing. If six of us (including two keyboards and PA/monitors) can squeeze into a footprint that is 8’x 12’, a dance floor will remain that is not quite that large. Everyone—except the drummer-- meets there at 7:00 p.m. as agreed. By 7:30 p.m., five of us have most of the instruments and PA set up and will be ready to go

You guessed it. The drummer arrives promptly at 7:35 p.m. If that weren’t telling enough, he has not one, but two roadies (friends) in tow and what appears to be the entire sale inventory from a recent Drums-Be-Us liquidation: four side toms, two floor toms, bass drum (only one !--but it’s 22”, of course), half a dozen cymbals (plus hi-hat), congas, bongos, the largest “rack” I’ve ever seen, and every individual piece of percussion paraphernalia devised by Man. Plus an industrial-sized fan. Each item had its own case, as well as its own gleaming chrome floor stand or rack mount, including the fan. Sensing our concern about the time, the drummer and both roadies did work hard to get it all set up, but it still took them more than half an hour. The guy is a friendly, but solicitous sort and shakes my hand for the fourth time just before we begin at 8:15.

Our Fearless Leader and Front Man calls out “I Can’t Help Myself” for the opener (we’re a Classic Soul/Rock cover band). The drummer plays straight fours, just like Benny Benjamin on the Motown original. I smile and enjoy playing one of Jamerson’s easier and most effective bass parts as it was intended—floating over a simple, driving beat. I compliment the drummer when we’re done. I want to encourage this behavior. He grins and shakes my hand again. I should have savored the moment more.

By the middle of the first set, whatever he’s drinking on the rocks is starting to kick in and those twin ogres—flourish and flamboyancy—begin to rear their ugly heads. I guess when you occupy sixty percent of the stage you feel compelled to justify it. Nonetheless, we finish the first set (adding 15 minutes, of course) and the crowd seems appreciative. The comments are all complimentary.

After a short search for the drummer (he and his two buddies—all aged 45-60, like the rest of us--are working hard, but fruitlessly, to pick up some underage chicks on the other side of the club), we begin set two. By now, of course, his Stewart-Copeland-in-a-glass has kicked in even more. Now it appears every song will be a production number, unless his mind wanders and he begins to drag. The keyboard player on my left is now visibly wincing and repeatedly asking “WHY does he do that?” throughout every song. The ending to “I Wish” is such a stumble-bum affair that our Fearless Leader will not risk “Superstition”. Despite pushing, simplifying and playing as far on top of the beat as I dare, “Brick House”—that overplayed-but-usually-irresistible dance monster—is a dragging, plodding dirge.

By the third set, when he’s not dragging, our drummer du jour is building houses of the largest and most elaborate variety. Especially on softer, slower songs. Between songs, of course, he is either shaking my hand, practicing rim shots and rolls, tuning a drum head or tweaking the placement of some piece of hardware. The guitarist has resorted to pushing his ride cymbal onto his floor toms to get his attention when an ending is signaled.

We skip a break and play three, lengthened sets to make up for our late start. Despite all this, the crowd has actually been very appreciative. By the end of the night, more tables have been pushed back and the dance floor has grown increasingly overcrowded. Several “snake dances” through the establishment have occurred and everyone seems happy: the crowd, the servers and the club owner (well, maybe not the keyboardist on my left). The ordeal finally ends and no one has complained. This is either the easiest going and most forgiving crowd, or the most hammered and oblivious crowd, ever.

After dismantling and loading my gear and part of the PA, I bid everyone a good night. The drummer shook my hand once more (for no less than the thirtieth time) and I headed home just before 1:00 a.m. With drum gear and cases spread out inside and stacked up outside the club, the drummer and his buds were fortifying themselves for last call. The underage chicks went home long ago. I think their parents picked them up before curfew.

Thanks, TBers. I feel better again now.

Bluesy Soul

[Eilif]

A well written story. More proof positive for the fact that unles it's a "muso" club, you can pretty much play anything and people will like it if they can recognize the tune.

Doesn't make it any easier for the musicians having to play with the offensive drummer though.

[ggunn]

If that is the worst drummer story you've got, then you have been very, very lucky. ;^)

[John Wentzien]

Whenever I hire a sub-drummer, I roll out a 4x6 foot carpet and tell them they have to fit their kit on it...

[E2daGGurl]

I notice that a lot of the band pictures from people who post here have reasonably sized drum kits (gee, I wonder why...)

But, what's with all these people investing $$$$$$$$ on these mega drum kits? Where in the world do they think would be appropriate to play them? We've got a small kit in our practice room, but several drums ( who have NO ONE to play with - no band prospects at all) absolutely refuse to play our drums (bad sign) - and want us to come to their place, where their drum kits are spread all over their parents' "family rooms." I mean BIG - with all those interlocking bars and stuff. I'm talking about drummers who don't play with anyone. They bang around on their own.

I know three of these guys - and they all start out with tremendous energy, but lose all their oomph after 10 or 15 minutes. They do manage to bang on all their equipment (no matter how long it takes them or what it does to the tempo) but jeez, is this a trend?

[Tyrannius]

From Hell? That's a bit excessive, purgatory maybe, but not from Hell.

[zeppelinfreak]

Really?

Thats not to bad. From what I collect, he just had a big set and dragged a little. You still filled the dance floor, so you were doing something right.

[Bluesy Soul]

Originally Posted by zeppelinfreak

...Thats not to (sic) bad. From what I collect, he just had a big set and dragged a little...

I'm not sure how you "collect" that from arriving late, getting drunk early, constant tinkering and noisemaking between songs and "...when he’s not dragging...building houses of the largest and most elaborate variety". I guess every band and every player has their own standards of musicianship and professionalism.

Bluesy Soul

[CrackBass]

i feel your pain. one sub i had about 6 years ago was a somewhat similar experience. he was schooled and had technique out the wazoo, but he had no idea how to apply that knowledge. it's like he could play anything but chose to screw up the songs. i mean double bass durring the verse of brown eyed girl? ***? my guitarist was about to beat his ass. i also won't go into the fact that he decided that before soundcheck was the proper time to practice rudiments, on his snare. i figured he would do it for a second, but as the seconds passed and he kept getting louder and louder with no sign of stopping, i finally had to say something to the guy as the whole club had stopped what they were doing and were staring right at him with gruff faces. very embarrasing.

[guitfiddle0409]

It sounds like there was an intangible in his overall personality that really rubbed you the wrong way. We all meet people like that from time to time.

A real disaster would only be if his playing ruined the gig or his behavior had you banned from the club. From what I read neither happened, so I agree that it sounds more like a drummer from purgatory or maybe the ego zone or something like that.

[Thunderthumbs73]

There is a subtle element missing from this whole picture, and that is that the drummer as a sub (should) serves at the pleasure of the band to make their evening easier, better, and less stressful. I didn't hear that in the story. At all.

Rather, I heard about a guy who has too many drums, a drinking problem (insofar as it demonstrably affected his musicality), and is apparently intent and oblivious to serving the band, and to an increasing degree over the evening, the music as well.

Ugg.

Yeah the guy was "functional" but in just about every sense of the word, he didn't do his job as a band member, or a musician in general, or even as a drummer, in specific. Yes, you tagged it correctly: substitute drummer from hell.

I do some subbing from time to time, and I bring a four piece kit, volume control, good diplomacy, open ears, and ego in check. I hope you find a better sub in the future. They're out there!

Regards.

[Bluesy Soul]

Originally Posted by Thunderthumbs73

I do some subbing from time to time, and I bring a four piece kit, volume control, good diplomacy, open ears, and ego in check.

Bless you, Thunderthumbs.

Bluesy Soul

[Joel S.]

Originally Posted by E2daGGurl

But, what's with all these people investing $$$$$$$$ on these mega drum kits? Where in the world do they think would be appropriate to play them?

Would you push the same criticism on a bassist who plays extravagant 6-7-8 string basses? It's different for them, in order to get a wider variety of sounds they have to purchase a multitude of drum types. Us, we just can get a different instrument with more strings.

I saw Dave Wekyl, and his kit took up half the friggin stage, but it was awesome.

Note: There is a time and place for everything however. I'm not gonna bring a 6 string and a fridge to play a cover gig at a dive bar that seats 100.

[bassfrenzie]

We had a gig once where the sit in drummer wasn't from hell but from Edmonton. And reminded us repeatedly, " in Edmonton man....in Edmonton man.... in Edmonton man..."

So we concluded he was a big shot in Edmonton. Man.
Anyway, he & his posse show up with at least two of everything, except the high hat & bass - thank God for small mercies - and takes up way too much room on the already small stage. He mics everything.

Time to start, buddy screws in plugs in each ear. Ok fine. But wait a sec...what's this?

Ohhh....ear muffs too....hmmm...does he think he's in Edmonton? Man? Is he going for that "look I'm in the studio" vibe?? The guitar player and I exchange wide eyed "uh oh" glances and proceed with the show.

First tune : Mary had A little Lamb is called. Buddy lifts a muff - "pardon?"

Song begins... KABOOM, BANG BANG!!
Drums of course are way too loud because he can't friggin' hear himself due to all his ear gear. This is NOT a big room.

I yell out after the song ends "Hey! Man! This ain't Edmonton!! Get that $#!+ off your head so you can hear what the hell's goin' on"!! (not real tactful, I know)

He took offense. Refused to comply and we just made it through the gig by a hair without a major melt down by anybody.

Thankfully it was a two nighter and our regular drummer was able to play the second night.

Needless to say the 'man' from Edmonton never got a return invitation.

By the way, usually, the better drummers I've ever played with (in 30 years) used one tom, one floor tom, snare, bass, high hat & two cymbals.

The guys with a semi load of drums are usually tripping or trying to compensate for some shortcoming.