Tour from hell..pt1.

[DrayMiles]

Well...

TB'ers, beware this story of pain and woe. And to all you veterans in "the know," Here is a story of a tour from hell, so sit back and rest a spell...


I was offered a tour 3 months ago, and due to two years of unbridled hell, I decided to take it. Let me give you a little background..

The artist is a good singer/songwriter/guitarist from Wales named "John." I received an e-mail one day saying, "I want you as my bassplayer." I said "Da*n, I love a direct approach!" The guy has good songs and a great voice, so we rehearsed with a drummer from Serbia and said "let's do it!"

Well....

After selling the car, and all my gear, (I figured a year on the road would offset the expenses) John and I landed in Chicago on the 1st of November. We spent 2 weeks visiting an old "friend" of his in Springfield IL., and I found myself sleeping on the couch while John "paid" for our room and board. Now, we all know that a week is a visit, TWO weeks always causes problems. After she flipped out (He is married after all! Although she is hopin' for a change!) we bought a used suburban van with the prerequisite rust, and drove to the agents house in Rockford IL. ( She did call the Police on him, but I've been told she does that every time he visits!) There we received word that U.S. immigration have problems issuing the drummers visa. Well, 1,500 dollars later for "premium processing" and we're still waiting for the clear. unfortunately, we're not gigging because all drummers we've called in the area are either too busy or "part timers."
WEll...
yesterday the agent went belly up and decided he "doesn't have the time" to book gigs anymore. I reply "You're kidding? Couldn't you have told us BEFORE we left England you ****!" He says (insert drum roll..) "Sorry, not my problem but you can stay in our guest house until they turn the gas off."
WEll..
John, was more rational than me, so he got the guys contacts. He's a middle man we learned and we're trying to salvage something outta nothing. We thought we had a gig tomorrow on Thanksgiving, but the guy decided to cancel. Although we had to call him to find out. My phone is dead, and John got Sprint to extend his line til the 29th. I've got a fiver in my pocket and it's looking grim my friends.
Oh, by the way, we're staying at her business. A "message parlour", so there are no "regular" beds, and there's no showering or bath facilities, I'm washing my booty an inventing new positions at the same time! (James said "Too funky in here, gimme some air!) I know Cheap Trick still live here, maybe I should call the Dream police and Surrender?

Well, This is the first installment of "The Tour From Hell.."

I'll be in touch..
Oh, hey fellow TB'ers..

Save me some Turkey, Ok?
A leg...
C'mon, a thigh?
Doh!!

[lowendgenerator]

Holy hell man that sucks. If I were going to be home tomorrow I would invite you all over for leftovers and a pint, but I'll be gone. I hope you guys make it though alright. What kind of band is it that you're playing in? I've got a gig on Saturday that might use another band *wink wink*

[Dave R]

Wow! Tough tour!

Hang in there. Adversity is supposed to make us better, or something like that...

Work those middleman contacts, and see if you can get something going...

[invader3k]

Make sure to at least trash the guest house.

[mattofash]

harsh as a very harsh thing.
get back to good ol blighty i say

[Kael]

Well at least it's a well planned tour...

Man, I thought that I had some stories of bad times on the road. That massage parlour bit is freaking priceless.

[DrayMiles]

Well..

The massage parlour part is funny, but i'm having a great time sleeping with all of the "plastic skeletons" they have around the place. Try going to sleep with a full size skeleton, wearing a sombrero, with a cigar in it's mouth staring at you. (Somebody's sense of humour obviously..) I can't wait to post the pictures...

Well...

John ha s a friend that is "loaded" and he says "stick it out, work the leads you have." If anyone knows any gigs floating around, I'd be a fool not to reply!

[DrayMiles]

Originally Posted by mattofash

harsh as a very harsh thing.
get back to good ol blighty i say

there's not that much work there, but I'm definitely wanting to get outta here!!!

[MakiSupaStar]

Does the message parlour give happy endings?

[txbasschik]

Had they stranded you in Texas, we could've fed you last Thursday. Heck, we *still* feed you, we have so much leftovers!

You can have most of my gigs, too. We don't appear to be taking any, anytime soon. They don't pay much, but they're gigs.

Man...any luck at all since last week?

Cherie

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by DrayMiles

Well..

The massage parlour part is funny, but i'm having a great time sleeping with all of the "plastic skeletons" they have around the place. Try going to sleep with a full size skeleton, wearing a sombrero, with a cigar in it's mouth staring at you. (Somebody's sense of humour obviously..) I can't wait to post the pictures...

Well...

John ha s a friend that is "loaded" and he says "stick it out, work the leads you have." If anyone knows any gigs floating around, I'd be a fool not to reply!

So...in her massage parlour, it is always Dia de los Muertes? Oi.

Cherie

[DrayMiles]

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

Does the message parlour give happy endings?

If you saw what she looks like, you'd prefer to keep the tension..

Aw, shucks.. i almost caught the squirrel that was in the kitchen eating the nabisco crackers! Boy, these American squirrels are big...

[DrayMiles]

Originally Posted by txbasschik

Had they stranded you in Texas, we could've fed you last Thursday. Heck, we *still* feed you, we have so much leftovers!

You can have most of my gigs, too. We don't appear to be taking any, anytime soon. They don't pay much, but they're gigs.

Man...any luck at all since last week?

Cherie

Well....

John's friend was going to Western union us some money, but it's something like $20 for every $100 i've been told. We're going registered check.
I guess the positives are:

I've lost that middle age spread..
I'm an "involuntary vegetarian."
I'm back to practicing 12 hours a day (got up at 4:30 and started.) through the aebersold books and the Charlie Parker omnibook. I want to memorize a few more solos..

Mother is calling more, since I'm in the country..

Hmm, i feel like singing..

"The Bear necessities... Blah, blah, blah.., forget about your
problems beat your.."

[Sean S]

Originally Posted by DrayMiles

If you saw what she looks like, you'd prefer to keep the tension..

Aw, shucks.. i almost caught the squirrel that was in the kitchen eating the nabisco crackers! Boy, these American squirrels are big...

I was "Oh no" smiling through the whole thread...but this made me seriously laugh out loud. Like...set off the laughter tears...

Hope your stay this side of the pond gets better dude...

[DrayMiles]

I've noticed a few things, after being gone almost 20 years..

American fat is different than european fat.. on average. I see fat people in England, but I see far more "obese" people here in Rockford.

There seems to be a "Meth" situation around here, and people are looking rough.

Hmm, in the papers the jam sessions say that entry is free. When you show up, they want money (I suspect nobody around the bar payed...)

I can't relate to most of the Americans I've met. i can't explain it, they seem so... insular here. John said that musicians that travel as much as I have become "world citizens." I feel... alien.

I asked my bass playing/ lawyer friend Syed to give me a copy of the Koran (Qu'ran) because i was tired of having people tell me what his religion was about. I've read through 1/3rd of it. I didn't know it mentions moses and jesus and a lot of other stuff. Hmm, I think i'll read the Gita next. there are a lot of Hindu people in England. I think that coltrane read it as well. My old teacher Raphael Garrett (Coltrane, monk, Sun Ra) told me some stuff about music and religion being as one. I'm hoping for some enlightenment!

My friend just bought 2 houses for $8000?!? They are nice! He did some work on them and hopes to sell them for $50,000. All you can buy in England for that kinda money is a closet. Boy the dollar ain't worth squat is it? I see a lot of foreclosures in this country, in the very near future..

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by DrayMiles

Well....

John's friend was going to Western union us some money, but it's something like $20 for every $100 i've been told. We're going registered check.
I guess the positives are:

I've lost that middle age spread..
I'm an "involuntary vegetarian."
I'm back to practicing 12 hours a day (got up at 4:30 and started.) through the aebersold books and the Charlie Parker omnibook. I want to memorize a few more solos..

Mother is calling more, since I'm in the country..

Hmm, i feel like singing..

"The Bear necessities... Blah, blah, blah.., forget about your
problems beat your.."

Come to Texas. Its warmer, and there's plenty of food. But the squirrels are still pretty big, and sassy, too! LOL!

Nothing like being stuck somewhere to make you practice. When you do get a gig, you'll be danged good!

Cherie

[Tony G]

Originally Posted by DrayMiles

I've noticed a few things, after being gone almost 20 years..

American fat is different than european fat.. on average. I see fat people in England, but I see far more "obese" people here in Rockford.

There seems to be a "Meth" situation around here, and people are looking rough.

Hmm, in the papers the jam sessions say that entry is free. When you show up, they want money (I suspect nobody around the bar payed...)

I can't relate to most of the Americans I've met. i can't explain it, they seem so... insular here. John said that musicians that travel as much as I have become "world citizens." I feel... alien.

I asked my bass playing/ lawyer friend Syed to give me a copy of the Koran (Qu'ran) because i was tired of having people tell me what his religion was about. I've read through 1/3rd of it. I didn't know it mentions moses and jesus and a lot of other stuff. Hmm, I think i'll read the Gita next. there are a lot of Hindu people in England. I think that coltrane read it as well. My old teacher Raphael Garrett (Coltrane, monk, Sun Ra) told me some stuff about music and religion being as one. I'm hoping for some enlightenment!

My friend just bought 2 houses for $8000?!? They are nice! He did some work on them and hopes to sell them for $50,000. All you can buy in England for that kinda money is a closet. Boy the dollar ain't worth squat is it? I see a lot of foreclosures in this country, in the very near future..

I don't know where you are, but if you can buy a house for $8000 there, you are living in a slum, even if you can sell it for $50000 after you fix it up. I live in a very small two bedroom town house, and that is worth $150,000 in my area. If I lived in California, the same house would cost probably $300,000. You are looking about .00001% of the entire USA, yet you judge the entire 100%. I'll go over to England, stay in one random spot, and judge the whole country on it.

[DrayMiles]

Hmm, in a one to two block radius, here in Rockford, there are at least 10 churches..Big ones too..

But, why are there soo many homeless people (not all are "mentis compis" I might add) walking around?

OK, I've been informed there's a salvation army and some kinda food line close by that "one" of the churches puts on...

At least in England, you can get free health care...

John said " It seems that it's hard over here. When you're down in America, you're really down. These people just look like they've had a hard time. And to that i can relate..
(John is Welsh)
Now, how many Americans said "Where is Wales?

[DrayMiles]

Originally Posted by xgabriele

I don't know where you are, but if you can buy a house for $8000 there, you are living in a slum, even if you can sell it for $50000. You are looking about .00001% of the entire USA, yet you judge the entire 100%. I'll go over to England, stay in one random spot, and judge the whole country on it.

I wouldn't call Danville Illinois a slum.. It looks like most place here in Illinois do to me. A ghost town that's seen better days. I was in Chicago 1 1/2 years ago and drove from LA to Philly through the Grand Canyon, Virginia etc. You know I40/Route 66 and I grew up in Ga. And Philly..

Everywhere in IL., besides Chicago IMO, is suffering it seems. As i continue writing this, I've noticed lots of things from listening to people. The gripes about "mexicans" and other silly things. I've personally been called a few derogatory things just walking around. It's different, that's my opinion. I used to sell Real Estate and had my license. My friend has a house in San Diego they bought ten years ago for $800,000 dollars. A recent appraisal due to the fires and the general economy had it valued at half that amount.

I have noticed the divide between the Rich and the poor is expanding. I personally believe that is more than your percentages will add up to. Stop looking around your environs and at least consider another viewpoint. I liken it to a Bill Hicks sketch about looking out his door and hearing crickets thinking, "Ted turner must make this **** up."

Oh, by the wat in the last 2 years i've spent a week minimum in:

South Korea
Spain
Morrocco
Germany
Scotland Wales
Philly
Ireland
New York
Norway
LA
Chicago
ETC.

I'm definitely not a tourist. It's part of the job.. If you play, you understand..

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by DrayMiles

Hmm, in a one to two block radius, here in Rockford, there are at least 10 churches..Big ones too..

But, why are there soo many homeless people (not all are "mentis compis" I might add) walking around?

OK, I've been informed there's a salvation army and some kinda food line close by that "one" of the churches puts on...

At least in England, you can get free health care...

John said " It seems that it's hard over here. When you're down in America, you're really down. These people just look like they've had a hard time. And to that i can relate..
(John is Welsh)
Now, how many Americans said "Where is Wales?

I know where Wales is! Its in Southwestern England.

Yeah, when you're down, here, you are really down.

Sounds like you are staying in a pretty rough area, too. Our area is very working poor/blue collar, butting right up to wealthy areas. Its pretty here, though...a big consolation. And, while you can't always pay the bills, you can always eat. The local church, the local ice house, and the local biergarten are always having free suppers.

Cherie